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Anger managements help!


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Old 05-09-2016, 11:01 PM   #1
Sugarix89
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Anger managements help!

Hello, i am a new member here. So i've been having major trouble with anger management. So, it is rather long, but hear my story out and help please.

Ever since i could talk, i was an arrogant brat to my mom and dad. I would make them read to me for hours and they said they were hungry and i didn't want them to eat, i wanted them to read to me more.

The problems never stopped as i got older, and i still have them now. I get into an argument with my mom or dad at least once a week. So we've been having real big blow-ups, and i mean REEALLY big. So i never swear, but i was just SO angry i went up to my dad and called him the b word. I always cry, but i'm not sad, or afraid, i'm just ANGRY. I cry when I'm ANGRY. Because i'm always such a douche to my mom.

For example, i would be fooling around on the chrome book when i was supposed to be doing my homework and it was late, and she would come in and rip the head-phones off my head. (I'm not saying that i'm right, i knew and i still know that i was wrong.) Then she would grab the chrome book, and that made me angry. I would pull on it back, and she would start yelling. It eventually evolved into a physical fight. After the fight, she would lock herself in her room. I would feel guilty after and always apologize. I would leave her and me with scratches.

I always get angry over the tiniest things. And i know i am overreacting, but something inside me just gets SO ANGRY. my friends don't know i'm like this. To them, i'm just the sweet shy girl. but some of the parents and friends do. My mom has been videotaping me and asking parents if their child did this. I get humiliated, and i hate her even more for it. I know i'm wrong but i need help because i just get so angry.

This time, she said she couldn't take anymore. So she has been asking me to do my piano (20 min of piano) of hours and i was just sitting on my bum for hours. I was working on the mothers day drawing (i know, i didn't work on it all the time) She snapped, and i don't really remember the rest. I remember it got so bad that she hit me on the head and i pushed her and my dad had to break up the fight. She didn't care anymore and said that was her last straw. I was crying, and i she slammed the door in my face.

before i go on, let me notify you on this. I am a devilish, evil, sadistic, nasty person that would-and has-ripped one of my drawing up in my mom's face for the pleasure of the hurt on her face during an argument. I am also witty, but use that to my advantage when i act up.

so after, I acted horribly to the other members of my family, and later i felt guilty. I knocked on her door, and she was listening to music, ignored me, and started singing to a song she liked. Okay, this MADE ME MAD.

I kicked on the door once (it made a huge bang) then i thought of something else. So i wrote her a note (In it i suggested we talked thought her tried before and it didn't work) and when she came out, she wouldn't even look at it. she kicked the note and i tried to stop myself from crying (this time from neglect).

I also hate that when my older brother sees me and mom fighting, he stops to watch and teases me. During arguments, my mom always treats my brother and the pet bunny like they're the most important thing in the world. My brother milks it and smirks at me.

So it's been like two days and i tried to apologize and she said that it was the last straw and she doesn't want anything else to do with me. When she said that a day ago, i thought it just would blow over in a couple of days and we'd get back together. But this time, she won't. I tried a note, she wouldn't even accept the mother's day drawing.

She still loves my brother, and its making me jealous now that i realize what i don't have anymore. I tried apologizing. She said that i always apologize and it means nothing. I promise that i will do things but i never follow through it. She says she wants nothing to do with me.

She's been dealing with this for 11 years and she's and enough. Now, i will have to walk to school, make my breakfast, lunch, and quit piano and tennis because i never try in the activities. But i like tennis and piano! I hate practicing piano and don't try in tennis unless it's tennis class. but if i quit, i will miss my teachers, i will just waste my 3 years of hard practice, and i just will be completely lost. My mom is going to tell the teachers tomorrow. Nothing i can say will change her mind. I'm all out of tissues, it's late, and i'm feeling neglected and lost.

Okay? She doesn't even feel like my mother. She has a huge amount of videos of me crying and yelling. She's just like this awful woman to me now. I know i caused this all though. When i was younger, she was so nice and i just kept on being incredibly nasty. I'm starting to cuss more because i'm mad so much with my family.

so...what do i do? How to i solve this? My mom will never forgive me. How do i curb my anger? Why am i such a nasty, spoiled, rotten brat?

 
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