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    Old 10-24-2004, 11:55 AM   #1
    jansy
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    boyfriend with anger issues

    My boyfriend is a really great guy. but one problem with him is he has anger problems. he has never hit me and i know he never would. but if something doesnt work for him or goes the wrong way he freaks out. he yells and screams. if im in position to i leave the room when this happens because i find it extrememly annoying. if i try to talk to him when hes angry he yells at me. anybody have any advice.

    thanks

     
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    Old 10-24-2004, 04:46 PM   #2
    carol632
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    Re: boyfriend with anger issues

    I hope you realize that you cannot "fix" this. He needs anger management. At the very least he needs to look into himself and find out what it is in his life that keeps him so angry. You say he would never hit you.....but you can't be sure of that if YOU are what makes him angry at any given time. I would give a lot of thought about staying in a relationship with someone so volatile.

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    Old 10-26-2004, 11:03 AM   #3
    sawbuck44
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    Re: boyfriend with anger issues

    Answer a few questions: first from me:
    How old are you both? How long have you been together?

    Now answer a few that you should ask yourself:
    Do I want to live like this the rest of my life?

    If I can't talk to him when he is angry over something he did himself, what will happen when I have to talk to him about something I did wrong (like when you are married and maybe you bounced a check or dented the car)?

    Why do I think I can 'fix' him when I don't even know 'why' he reacts this way?

    I live with an angry husband who is very loud and gets ticked at the stupidist things. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live without him. We have two boys and they are also affected by his yelling and quick to temper outbursts. Feel like we are always 'walking on eggshells.' It has gotten better over the years but not without great effort on my part on keeping a handle on my reaction to his actions and teaching my sons how to deal with the anger.
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    Last edited by sawbuck44; 10-26-2004 at 11:06 AM.

     
    Old 10-26-2004, 03:19 PM   #4
    jansy
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    Re: boyfriend with anger issues

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by sawbuck44
    Answer a few questions: first from me:
    How old are you both? How long have you been together?

    Now answer a few that you should ask yourself:
    Do I want to live like this the rest of my life?

    If I can't talk to him when he is angry over something he did himself, what will happen when I have to talk to him about something I did wrong (like when you are married and maybe you bounced a check or dented the car)?

    Why do I think I can 'fix' him when I don't even know 'why' he reacts this way?

    I live with an angry husband who is very loud and gets ticked at the stupidist things. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live without him. We have two boys and they are also affected by his yelling and quick to temper outbursts. Feel like we are always 'walking on eggshells.' It has gotten better over the years but not without great effort on my part on keeping a handle on my reaction to his actions and teaching my sons how to deal with the anger.


    i am 20 and he is 22. we have been together 2.5 years.

    i have asked myself wether i want to live like that the rest of my life before. and no i dont want to hear yelling all the time but i cant imagine not being with him because under that he is a really great guy.

     
    Old 10-26-2004, 06:56 PM   #5
    Jenetti
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    Re: boyfriend with anger issues

    You say he hasnt hit you, YET, how can you be so sure he never will? I strongly believe that if boundaries or lines arent drawn at the FIRST sign of anger issues, that youve already lost half the battle there. Its like saying its ok to be that way, i may not like it, but this is "what" youre like . Not true. Women (and men on the other side) need to take a stand at the FIRST sign of trouble. You need to be strong enough to understand that all the love you have for him Is NOT GOING to change him. Get that thru your head hon. The person NEEDS to be willing to change, and YES IT IS possible to change, dont let him try to convince you otherwise as in , oh i have a bad temper, all my family does. THey need to learn, yes LEARN the process of controlling their behavior. The feelings of anger might still be there, but HIS behavior , his reaction to those feelings CAN BE CONTROLLED. DOnt let him try to tell you that he cant. We are all responsible for our behaviours.
    If you see a good looking man down the street and feel somethig towards him , you dont go jump on him kissing him because you think hes hot. You control yourself. If a child is crying you dont go up and throw it against a wall to shut it up, you control yourself. Those people who DO those things NEED HELP. PROFESSIONAL HELP, and im sure people still say other than their temper they were great people. Theres nothing you can do to help him , and being nicer around him or walking on eggshells just aint gonna cut it. Its just telling him that his behavior is acceptable to a certain degree . Yea you might not like it but you dont do a thing about it.
    THINK OF YOURSELF FIRST. Two things: he can either cut his s*** out or get professional help. Thats what you need to tell him, before its too late and he goes and does something to really hurt you.
    ADVICE to women in new relationships: first time he starts throwing things at you or cussing you out or yelling in your face, pushing you. PUT A STOP TO IT. Walk out of the relationship , tell him to get professional help or that you no longer wish to see him. Youre not going to fix him. First of all its not your job to fix him. Draw your line, set a boundary and tell him quite calmly, youre not anyones punching bag, or door mat, cut it off at the root right away. Dont listen to his im sorry i'll never do it again line. Give him some time to think about his actions and whether he really wants you or not. If you give him another chance and he reacts the same, then id say, leave the relationship no matter what. Your life is worth so much more and so is your self esteem. Otherwise you might end up living your whole life with walking on eggshells. The man needs professional help if he cant control his anger. Simple as that. IF he doesnt go for it, i doubt seriously your life will change any.

     
    Old 10-27-2004, 06:14 AM   #6
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    Re: boyfriend with anger issues

    I understand what you are saying. Although my husband is loud and gets angry quicker than I do - that just means that I have more patience than him. Sometimes my family wonders how I can live like this. It's not 100% yelling. Like you said under all that yelling he is a really great guy. I know HIM. I know why he is like he is. Maybe you need to understand that part of him. When he is willing to share that information. You may already know why he's like he is being with him for 2.5 years - you just need to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Think about what he's told you about his childhood, the relationship he has with his family - on an individual basis, and how his education was. I don't know how bad he gets or over what issues but if he gets mad about the same things and you can predict when he's going to get angry - at least he's consistent! I am not making light of anger. I don't think you need to be scared of it either. Anger does not always lead to someone getting physical with you. Doesn't mean you close your eyes to it either. I'm just saying it is a situation you can live with if you go into it with open eyes.

    There is not one person that doesn't get angry. How we choose to react to situations that make us angry is the difference. When he is calm, 'teach' him how he should have reacted. Maybe say 'gee, that would upset me too. but ya know what?! I'm not going to let it get the best of me. I don't want to waste my energy getting upset over this.'
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    Last edited by Administrator; 01-25-2018 at 06:55 PM.

     
    Old 10-27-2004, 06:47 AM   #7
    jansy
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    Re: boyfriend with anger issues

    i do not really know why he has anger. he was teased when he was little but so was i. he doesnt have a very close relationship with his parents...

    yes i can usually tell when he will get angry. for the most part its when something doesnt work for him. ex. hes trying to set something up and it doesnt work, or something goes wrong. and like you said hes not angry all the time either.

     
    Old 10-27-2004, 06:48 AM   #8
    jansy
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    Re: boyfriend with anger issues

    oh. and ive never been afraid of him. just annoyed sometimes:P

     
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