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  • How do you stop being angry?

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    Old 02-06-2005, 11:48 AM   #1
    elggon
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    How do you stop being angry?

    Hi everyone. I am new to this board, and I've just been reading some of the posts and thought I'd tell my story and get some advice. Basically I am a 22 year old female, and I think I have an anger problem. I get very angry at small things, including stubbing my toe (as someone else posted) people cutting me off, someone bumping into me accidently, running late, etc. The list goes on and on with things that just set me off. I will yell, curse, stomp and basically get overally ****** about stupid things. And another thing is that I feel the need to tell people when they anger me and it always backfires. These could be friends, coworkers, enemies, even strangers. I ALWAYS feel like I need to say something to them if they anger me(whether or not they are really the problem.) My boyfriend and I live together and he gets up with me every morning to help me get off to work, and I will get ****** at him for stupid things when he is doing something that he doesnt have to just because he loves me! Last night I was in one of these situations again. I was out with some friends and my brother(21 yrs old.) ANd some moron was giving my bro. crap. My brother just dropped it, he didnt even care. But I couldnt drop it, I got mad and said something to the guy, which in turn started this whole fight. ANd it almost got out of control. Now my bro. is mad at me for getting involved!!! HOW DO I MAKE MYSELF STOP???? Does anyone have these same problems? And do you know how to control it? I feel like I am a very nice person, with a good family, friends, boyfriend, etc. But after I have these stupid outbursts I feel very embarassed and ashamed of how I acted. And I know that I don't want to be that kind of person, or come off as that type of person. I always look back at it and think, "gees, thats not very lady-like." And if I saw someone else acting like I was (cussing, mouthing off, being rude and mad) I would not want to talk to that person either.

    Sorry this is sooooo long, but I really need to vent to anyone w/ similar experiences.

    Thanks,
    elggon

     
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    Old 02-07-2005, 10:00 PM   #2
    chocatee
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    Re: How do you stop being angry?

    Have you ever considered that possibly you are depressed? Anger is very often a sign of depression, hurt, pain. Is there someone you can talk to? do you have access to counseling? I don't personally (although I have been known to have a bit of a temper myself ), but I know someone with a similar problem with anger and with the help of medication and therapy they have been able to manage their anger successfully. Turns out upon exploration in therapy session, they were in fact suffering from depression and anxiety. And it sounds as if not only is your anger causing pain to those you love, but you are causing pain for yourself and in the long run you have to live with yourself. I would get professional help if at all possible. Best of luck to you.

     
    Old 02-16-2005, 12:33 PM   #3
    pugcra
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    Re: How do you stop being angry?

    Therapy for depression and anger management, git 'er done!!!

     
    Old 02-21-2005, 05:07 PM   #4
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    Re: How do you stop being angry?

    I have to agree that anger is not in itself a problem but rather a symptom of something else...something bigger. Being depressed or anxious will definitely add to the problem as these conditions will cause irritability, low self esteem, and a bleak outlook on life. But, let's take a look at your situation and examine it further. When people upset you, you feel the need to immediately tell them off. Your internal dialog probably sounds something like this, "How dare anyone dissrepect me, don't they know they are out of line!" Of course, with this thought in mind, your gonna want to lash out at every person or situation that threatens you. It is, in a way, a very narcisistic and selfish emotion...think about that. The problem, often, does not lie with others and the situations around you, but rather how you deal with that situation. You see, NO ONE or NOTHING has the power to make you angry, only YOU have that power. If something sets you off, you essentially, allow it to. Its almost that simple. However, the bigger question at hand here is, WHY does is set you off? Something from your past, whether it be that you were mistreated as a child or someone very close to you has hurt you deeply, may have set this ball rolling with it seemingly snowballing into a bigger and bigger problem. I don't know you history, but almost everyone, if they think hard enough, can remember when it first became a problem for them. Fortunately for us all, #1) you don't have to understand why you started getting angry in the first place to get better and #2) you have already admitted you have a problem that needs help which is a big step in the right direction. My first and foremost suggestion to you is not to try and figure this all out on you own. That could cause more damage than good. There are literally thousands of self-help books and therapists out there that can help you manage it. I, myself, had a terrible anger problem for a long time until I realized something that changed everything for me. I realized that I had terrible self esteem, a very negative self image, I believed that no one truely cared or loved me not even my girlfriend. All these things were signs of depression and anxiety. I started taking Zoloft and it didn't take very long before the anger and stressed out feelings just started to melt away. I became a whole new person after that. Of course, I wouldn't recommend that you immediately go on medication...that may not be the answer for you. Everyone is different and should do whats best for them. Let me know how things turn out for you.

     
    Old 03-02-2005, 07:43 AM   #5
    Cindi143
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    Re: How do you stop being angry?

    Hon, remember that we all get angry from time to time and we all handle it differently. But what is so great about your concern, is that you ARE concerned and recognize you do have a problem. Recognizing and owning that you have a problem is the first and most important step you need to take and you have!! I am not a medical dr or anything of that nature, but I have been there myself, ( not quite as forward) and I do know how it feels to feel out of control with anger, and yes while depression can play a part in this, it is mainly a matter of "thinking before you speak or act" about any situation. Take the example you gave with you out with your friends and brother, next time stop and say to yourself "this is not between me and this person, and if they need my help or my two sense worth of comments, they will ask" Also when you get anger at others just like the people on the roads...I try to tell myself if that was my mother, dad family etc... that was being yelled at flipped-off or however you handle it, just how would I feel seeing my family being treated like that. Always, always , always put yourself in that persons shoes before you act or speak anything!! And remember this...did it solve anything by me getting angry...did I become a better person by speaking my mind and tell them how angry I felt about what they did...and last but not least the most important thing is you can always say you are sorry but the pain you caused lives on forever and how would you feel if you never had the chance to say I am sorry or make ammends with someone due to your anger. Life is too short to be so angry, and yes you CAN control this on your own!! You have to want to and practice everyday and on every situation, the more you control your temper, I guarantee you the more happier person you will become and people will love being with you even more!! I hope I helped in someway.

    God bless you, and I will keep you in my prayers!!

    Signed...just one of God's little helpers

     
    Old 03-02-2005, 09:36 AM   #6
    faeryndolls
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    Re: How do you stop being angry?

    okay so your saying medication helped you, it helped me for a while and then i slipped right back into it again.

     
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