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    Old 04-05-2005, 08:47 PM   #1
    veggie girl
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    I just can't stand being around people anymore

    I've lived in a major city now for almost 10 years and I am at the most angry and annoyed of my life.

    When I came to the city I was a laid back person who liked people but now I just can't stand people!! Everyone annoys me!! Obviously, city people are very inconsiderate but having to constantly tolerate such behavior makes me want to punch the crap out of someone. So far I've stopped myself (I have excellent restraint!) but the disdain I feel towards most of the people I encounter is eating me up inside.

    How do I tolerate rude, arrogant people without allowing myself to get angry in the process?

    Last edited by veggie girl; 04-05-2005 at 08:48 PM.

     
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    Old 04-09-2005, 08:03 PM   #2
    Summer Girl
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    Re: I just can't stand being around people anymore

    wow, Veggie Girl! We should be best friends! I never thought I would come across someone who is just like me! I feel the same way! I mean, people are nasty and rude. Well, not all, but a lot are. How do you deal? Good question! It is very difficult for me too. I can admit that I had times where I have said a word or two (not very nice ones) to some very nasty, rude people. Other times I don't say a word and TRY not to let it bother me. But, then again, if I dont' say anything sometimes it does bother me for a very long time. I can still have something bother me for years. Believe me, I wish I would of said a few words to some nasty people I have ecountered in my past. It is hard but you can count to 10 and breathe deep. Realize that you are the better person. Easier said then done I know. My husband and I would like to move out of state to a nicer part of the country where people are more friendly, but we basically know that we still will encounter some of the same type of people.

    Last edited by Summer Girl; 04-09-2005 at 08:06 PM.

     
    Old 04-09-2005, 11:35 PM   #3
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    Re: I just can't stand being around people anymore

    I've always preferred the company of animals over most people and I think it is from being in the city. I find city drivers rude, selfish and downright dangerous and it makes me paranoid to even be out on the roads anymore. Can't trust anyone even family, this is the world we live in today and I bet it doesn't get any better over the years. It's a me kind of world, so watch out cuz I'm coming through and you better move aside type of attitude.

     
    Old 04-10-2005, 06:01 AM   #4
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    Arrow Re: I just can't stand being around people anymore

    Hi Veggie Girl. I know my opinion on this particular board probably won't count for much since I have no anger management problems, but having several loves ones and friends with some very strong, deep inner rage that can make at least two of them get violent at times, I have some understanding and am always trying to learn more about what makes people this angry.

    Have you always had trouble with anger in some forms most of your life? This question goes out to any/all who want to answer it. How does it usually manifest itself? How do you usually deal with it?

    I don't know what makes some people more able to handle anger then others. I do get angry, but it rarely lasts. From what I understand, being angry is from feeling like you have no control over a (or more then one) situation.

    One thing that seems to help is stepping back, like one person here said, taking 10, breathing. Also, trying to go through the putting yourself in the other person's shoes, which isn't easy. Esp. when they're cutting you off, giving you dirty looks, shoving you, being incredibly thoughtless, etc.

    But people act this way for a reason. Keeping in mind that they truly are not out to harm you and that they don't want to hurt you, that's not their purpose behind their actions, might help difuse some of your anger.

    My best friend used to always say that people hated her and always seemd to just want to hurt her, but we've talked in depth about this. Most people are too into their own pain to notice other peoples, much less plot and plan ways to hurt us.

    People feel their lives are out of control, are stressed and worried and if they were force to confront the pain and stress they cause you (and others), most people would feel very guilty, bad and realize how wrong they are.

    But they get caught up in feeling so out of control inside, like many people do, that they just never step outside themselves to realize how their actions are affecting other people.

    People who do things that annoy you, are rude, just plain outrageous, are just people who are in a LOT of pain inside. That's all. It's wrong of them to take their pain out on others, even people they don't know, but most people really don't see or realize what they're doing.

    The next time someone cuts you off, try to sit back and think you don't know. They could have major problems at home and have a lot of inner turmoil and are reacting to that like a child will act out. It's not right, but they are not intentionally trying to hurt you. They're expressing their pain in very negative ways. But that's what it's all about. Pain.

    I think realizing how much everyone is just hurting and that they're not trying to tick you off or hurt you, is important. You being anyone who feels this way. I don't know if I'm being any help at all or if you all are sitting back and rolling your eyes at me, but that's just what I have to offer and felt I should speak up.

    Take care!

    Jaz

     
    Old 04-13-2005, 10:07 PM   #5
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    Re: I just can't stand being around people anymore

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ShadeMeJaz
    Hi Veggie Girl. I know my opinion on this particular board probably won't count for much since I have no anger management problems, but having several loves ones and friends with some very strong, deep inner rage that can make at least two of them get violent at times, I have some understanding and am always trying to learn more about what makes people this angry.

    Have you always had trouble with anger in some forms most of your life? This question goes out to any/all who want to answer it. How does it usually manifest itself? How do you usually deal with it?

    I don't know what makes some people more able to handle anger then others. I do get angry, but it rarely lasts. From what I understand, being angry is from feeling like you have no control over a (or more then one) situation.

    One thing that seems to help is stepping back, like one person here said, taking 10, breathing. Also, trying to go through the putting yourself in the other person's shoes, which isn't easy. Esp. when they're cutting you off, giving you dirty looks, shoving you, being incredibly thoughtless, etc.

    But people act this way for a reason. Keeping in mind that they truly are not out to harm you and that they don't want to hurt you, that's not their purpose behind their actions, might help difuse some of your anger.

    My best friend used to always say that people hated her and always seemd to just want to hurt her, but we've talked in depth about this. Most people are too into their own pain to notice other peoples, much less plot and plan ways to hurt us.

    People feel their lives are out of control, are stressed and worried and if they were force to confront the pain and stress they cause you (and others), most people would feel very guilty, bad and realize how wrong they are.

    But they get caught up in feeling so out of control inside, like many people do, that they just never step outside themselves to realize how their actions are affecting other people.

    People who do things that annoy you, are rude, just plain outrageous, are just people who are in a LOT of pain inside. That's all. It's wrong of them to take their pain out on others, even people they don't know, but most people really don't see or realize what they're doing.

    The next time someone cuts you off, try to sit back and think you don't know. They could have major problems at home and have a lot of inner turmoil and are reacting to that like a child will act out. It's not right, but they are not intentionally trying to hurt you. They're expressing their pain in very negative ways. But that's what it's all about. Pain.

    I think realizing how much everyone is just hurting and that they're not trying to tick you off or hurt you, is important. You being anyone who feels this way. I don't know if I'm being any help at all or if you all are sitting back and rolling your eyes at me, but that's just what I have to offer and felt I should speak up.

    Take care!

    Jaz
    Hey Jaz

    I totally hear what you're saying. I suspect that the majority of people are too consumed with their own activities to even notice they're been selfish or inconsideration and the others, like you mentioned, are in a lot of pain and are just lashing out at someone, anyone.

    I've never really had anger issues. When I was a kid I had a few fist fights - as kids do - but always had an inner limit that stopped me from doing too much ie really hurting someone. I think that comes from my mother who told me to kind of shrug off people agression when she should have just told me that with some people you should just beat the crap out of them!!

    I guess the fundamental issue is my hating injustice and letting people get one over on me.

    Like one day I was walking into a store and a guy was walking out and he had a walking stick so I waited for him to get to the door and opened it for him. Then, after he'd left i was walking in and felt someone try to push through the door at the same time as me. I didn't say anything but then when I got to the counter and order my food the person actually came up to ME and said 'are you gonna apologize for pushing into me?'. I was ready to explode!!! The audacity of this person to push in front of ME and then ask for an apology!!! haha

    Of course I told her that SHE had pushed in front of ME while I was holding the door open for someone else and that I wasn't the f****g doorman holding the door for HER. And then she started doing that thing where people talk to the person they're with about something rather than address the person they're directing it at - something along the lines of some physical confrontation was about to happen. I think I told I may have told her to go f herself or something to that effect!!

    The store clerks looked at me and shook their head and gave me that 'ignore her, she's an idiot' look as it was obvious that the girl was being a lunatic!! Even some younger guys told her to calm down. Nothing physical happened but it seemed like another level swiped off my tolerance level.

    In reality I know this person proably does this to everyone she encounters and probably has her days filled with negative and heated interactions with others and that she was likely acting this way out of her own feelings of powerlessness or inadequacies. But still, this doesn't make ME feel any less angry from the encounter and still made me want to bash her face in with a metal chair.

    And thats the thing. I'm NOT a violent person and hate drama. I'm all about calm, quiet and laughter but people like this infuriate me.

     
    Old 04-13-2005, 10:16 PM   #6
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    Re: I just can't stand being around people anymore

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Summer Girl
    Other times I don't say a word and TRY not to let it bother me. But, then again, if I dont' say anything sometimes it does bother me for a very long time. I can still have something bother me for years. Believe me, I wish I would of said a few words to some nasty people I have ecountered in my past.
    haha. You can't win can you? You either let the person be rude to you and take it but then after feel angry that you were acting gutless or you react and the consequences could be a physical fight - or worse, they could have a weapon and they you're risking a knife wound.

    Its funny, in the movie Fightclub the protaganist is trying to pick a fight as part of a 'homework' assigment with the club he's part of - with the intention of letting the other person win, but then goes on to show many of the club members trying to start fights and protaganists voice over the top saying about how diffiicult it is to actually start a fight as 'most people, most normal people, will do anything to avoid a confrontation'.

    So, I guess when we're dealing with these *******s whose sole existance seems to be to get into a fist fight, that we're not dealing with NORMAL people at all.

     
    Old 04-13-2005, 10:22 PM   #7
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    Re: I just can't stand being around people anymore

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Summer Girl
    My husband and I would like to move out of state to a nicer part of the country where people are more friendly, but we basically know that we still will encounter some of the same type of people.
    Do you guys live in the city? Does your husband feel the same anger as you? How does he deal with it?

    I think you'll deal with horrible people anywhere, but city people are a weird mutant angry type who are physically dangerous - even the females!!! haha.

    Which actually, is a shame, because many city people are the most amazingly cool, kind and charasmatic types but the bad ones just ruin it for everyone else.

     
    Old 04-13-2005, 11:11 PM   #8
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    Re: I just can't stand being around people anymore

    I totally relate!!!! Maybe it's a veggi thing?
    Peopel annoy the heck outta me. I find the majority to be ignorant rude a-holes. This realizaation began in highschool and took major effedt whie workign in retail and havign to deal w/ them every single day. I have never been a "people person" though, but my annoyance of peopel in genral jst gets worse over time. Beign a driver doesn;t help becaue I get to see and deal with so many stupid peole everyday on the road. Shocking they can functuon in life!
    Anyhow, I wanted to say that since I moved out of the city atmosphere (goes for both my hubby & I) our stress levels have gone down significantly. I used to be one of those people who though I needed to live in a big city and that I liked the noises and such...All crap! Once I realized that I never really utilized my city surroundings anyhow as I am a home body we moved to the coast (still close enough to the city, but far enough away to forget) and bamn! It's like a whole different world in terms of stress levels. Can't say I like people any better, but it's much easier to deal with them when I have to. One's environment is everything! If you live in a stressful environment then no matter what you do you'll be stressed. It's one thing to work in a stressful environment, but another to be able to escape it at th end of the day knowing you're going home to a relaxing, comforting, and calming one (and being located in the same type of atmosphere).

     
    Old 04-16-2005, 03:06 PM   #9
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    Re: I just can't stand being around people anymore

    OMG, I can't believe I stumbled on this site and this thread. I'm so glad to read some of your experiences. I go through a lot of the same thing, and I was beginning to think I was totally crazy! Like losing my temper when I was working at the house of a friend of one of my co-workers on the project. I parked behind him in the driveway, and he didn't see my car behind him (don't ask me how he came out of the house and got in his car and backed up without seeing my car!) and he smashed in the front end of my car. I was upset, but I didn't really get MAN until my co-workers started saying "hey, it's just a car" and the guy never even tried to help me fix it or pay for it, so I had to take him to small claims court, and no one else wanted to get involved and got irritated with me for taking him to court. That's when I really lose it with other people, is when they mess me over, and act like I'm crazy for wanting them to make it right. I guess the key to not letting the anger run away with you is to hang onto the knowledge that there are just a lot of idiots out there?

    Have you guys ever had the experience of being in a crowd, like a mall, and people walk into you like you're invisible? Or would slam right into you if you don't totally jump out of the way? How do you handle the frustration of that one?

     
    Old 04-16-2005, 04:08 PM   #10
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    Re: I just can't stand being around people anymore

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ninispjc
    Have you guys ever had the experience of being in a crowd, like a mall, and people walk into you like you're invisible? Or would slam right into you if you don't totally jump out of the way? How do you handle the frustration of that one?
    haha. I live in the city so it happens ALL the time!! I wouldn't mind if they apologized but they DON'T - and sometimes they'll even give YOU attitude!!

    I sometimes (not often) bump into people (its unavoidable in the city) or if I step on someones foot but I ALWAYS say, "i'm so sorry - i didn't mean to bump you/step on you"

    In defense of those people who just seem to have no consideration for those around them - I think 99% of them just don't even realize what they're doing. I think they're just so consumed in their own little world that they're unaware that theres a whole world of people out there who they're ******* off!!

    The other 1% are on a quest for validation and power!! I knew a guy who told me that when walking down the sidewalk he likes to NOT move so that people have to move out of the way for him!! I also know a friend of a friend of a friend etc who actually LIKES people bumping into him coz it gives him an excuse to have a fistfight - something which he loves! (my friend tried to avoid hanging out with him coz there'd always be a fight!)

    But, regarding how to deal with people just ramming into you - I guess the only way to deal with it is to do nothing.

    I also think if you carry yourself with a serious expression, your head up and walk with purpose I don't think people do it to you as much. Those types who love to feel in control mainly assert themselves around those who'll validate them, NOT those who look like they'll challenge them.

    And in dealing directly with those type of people (in the workplace/school etc) you have to be abrupt (but not rude) and speak with a deadpan to-the-point tone and slighly louder. Amazingly this works WELL!! I assume because people who are belligerent in the first place consider kind manners and politeness as weakness and servility so you gotta know who to be sweet to and who not to be sweet to.

    So the question would be - when letting argumentative people get away with being a-holes - is "have they won?" On one side I'd say yes, because people like you and I must endure them and cause us stress, but on the other side I'd say no, because having that kind of hostility and anger can't POSSIBLY be good for them physically or emotionally.

    I think we all lose.

     
    Old 04-16-2005, 04:16 PM   #11
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    Re: I just can't stand being around people anymore

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ninispjc
    I was upset, but I didn't really get MAN until my co-workers started saying "hey, it's just a car" and the guy never even tried to help me fix it or pay for it, so I had to take him to small claims court, and no one else wanted to get involved and got irritated with me for taking him to court. That's when I really lose it with other people, is when they mess me over, and act like I'm crazy for wanting them to make it right. I guess the key to not letting the anger run away with you is to hang onto the knowledge that there are just a lot of idiots out there?
    I can't believe he hit your car and then blew it off like it was no big deal!! tut tut, shame on him.

    You had every right to demand compensation and you colleagues should know better than to think you ought to lose value on your car just because some idiot can't drive.

    It also depends on your cars state and you value of it. I had a friend who nudged a car in front (not hit, nudged!) and the car was real pile of junk which had the bumper held up with a coathanger!! haha. Anyway, the bumper fell off and now my friend has to pay hundreds of dollars for a brand new bumper and other stuff that wasn't even affected by the nudge!!!

    Some people DO take advantage when there are collisions but I don't think you were taking advantage - just getting them to repair what they broke.

    Last edited by veggie girl; 04-16-2005 at 04:24 PM.

     
    Old 04-18-2005, 03:49 PM   #12
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    Re: I just can't stand being around people anymore

    ok guys, I cant go to walmart anymore. That is the haven of all who are ignorant and rude. Another thing that kills me: when I was pregnant, people would see that I was waddling and slower than usual, and practically run me over to get around me in stores. This was mostly men! What ever happened to chivalry! I went to the bank once, with my tiny baby, and the teller opened up a new line. I was next, but some idiot guy darted over there so he could get his business done before me. I will say this: when someone does something polite and kind for me, I am so very grateful. It makes up for the rest of the people out there. Anytime a guy holds a door for me and my daughters, or says something nice, I am almost able to forgive the rest of the idiots out there!

     
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