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    Old 08-16-2003, 01:42 AM   #1
    RitaF
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    Post I can't stop hitting my husband

    [url="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/Forum27/HTML/000059.html"]It has been suggested that I might have a bipolar disorder[/url]. To the rest of the world it may appear that Iím living a fairy tale life. Iím a woman in my early forties and Iím married to a wonderful man several years my junior who treats me like a queen. In addition to working one full-time job and another part-time job in order to make ends meet and so that I donít have to work, he also does all of the housework and waits on me hand & foot so that I literally donít have to lift a finger.

    Unfortunately, it seems that the more he pampers me, the less patient and more irritable I become. I have developed an absolutely dreadful temper with no self-control what so ever. My husband & I can be spending a perfectly calm & relaxing evening together and then one wrong word or even an innocent gesture taken the wrong way and I start bubbling inside. I try to forget about it and not let something trivial upset me but once the fuse is lit, it seems that there is no stopping my temper.

    I feel myself growing irritable & becoming b!tchy. I start complaining about things that we canít do anything about such as the difference in our ages (which always bothers me that I am older) or my big nose or whatever; and no matter what my husband says, I become further angered by his response. I start screaming at him to control my temper but anything he does or says only makes me angrier. I start hitting him with my fists or whatever else I can get my hands on and I canít stop. Sometimes I beat him so badly that he is barely able to move afterwards and most of the time it's over something EXTREMELY trivial!

    I donít know whatís wrong with me. My husband treats me like a queen but the more he tries to pacify me, the more explosive I become. I feel as if there is a volcano inside of me simmering just under the surface and ready to erupt over anything & everything and when I start getting mad, I do NOT even WANT TO control it.

    Anyone else have these all-consuming rages and how do you deal with them?

     
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    Old 08-16-2003, 09:09 PM   #2
    bip69
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    You are NOT Bi-Polar!!!

    You need to get out and get a job. Most men that treat you the way your husband treats you never make a successful relationship. You need to support and love him the way god tells us to.

    Back in our dating days, girls that were treated realitively poorly, would do anything for that guy's attention. Guys who smothered girls with love, flowers, etc, only made girls not like them.

    We don't change, we just get older.

    Your anger is with you at all times, that is why the fuse is so short. Start working FOR him, so he will quit bugging you with every thing he is doing for you. Your mood swing is caused by the simple fact that you are already so close to being ****** off.

    This has nothing to do with Bi-Polar.

    Last, beating your husband is a showing that you don't care for him at all. You are only concerned with your age and big nose above, never stated about your love for him. I don't think you really love him.

    Do the right thing and either get some Christian counselling or split for 6 months. Your perspectives will change greatly, and then decide where to go next.

    Again, you are not bi-polar, you need no medication, you problem is situational.

     
    Old 08-17-2003, 09:20 AM   #3
    HoosierBj
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    You may be going thru perimenopause... Don't let a doctor tell you you are too "young". Check the menopause board here if you think 42 is young!

    I AM bipolar and 49. I NEVER felt so irritable and seething and angry until the past 2 years. If it was a bipolar symptom I would have experienced it much earlier.

    Insist on a test or three to see if you are in the beginning stages of estrogen loss. Pick up 'Menopause and the Mind' by Clair Warga. What an eye opener!

     
    Old 08-17-2003, 07:28 PM   #4
    sug
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    YOU NEED HELP! You're sick and tired of HIM letting YOU walk all over him and treat him like Sh**. You, maybe secretly, want him to stand up and BE A MAN, maybe hold you back, slap you, whatever.

    If you don't stop and get help NOW, the damage you do may be irreversable!

    At first I chuckled while reading your email, but by the end I was disturbed. You know what you're doing is wrong otherwise you wouldn't have written it.

    Please don't wait, get the both of you into therapy now! Oh, and most definitely, Pray!


     
    Old 08-18-2003, 01:30 AM   #5
    RitaF
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    Last edited by RitaF; 12-03-2003 at 07:28 AM.

     
    Old 08-18-2003, 01:54 AM   #6
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    Last edited by RitaF; 12-03-2003 at 07:25 AM.

     
    Old 08-18-2003, 06:09 AM   #7
    HoosierBj
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    Rita, perimenopause can seem like PMS x 1,000,000.. I never even had PMS, and I've felt such rage (out of nowhere) that I've wanted to stab a perfect stranger because they cut in front of me in line.
    Don't discount the power of estrogen in what you are going through. At least talk to your doctor if it is even a possibility...
    There are also "anger management" classes available in many areas in case your problem goes deeper.
    My husband calls me "the menopausal *****-wife from hell" by the way. I always hope he's kind of kidding...

     
    Old 08-18-2003, 09:09 PM   #8
    bip69
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    If you don't like my post, then maybe some horse-strength sedatives would help. :-)

    Just kidding - If it is just a short fuse problem, maybe meds can help, but I really think there are deeper pschological problems with your relationship.

    You posted your problem for others to submit opinions. I merely gave you mine.

    I have a very tough set of issues in my brain, including the tendency the destroy stuff at the drop of the hat when angered, but I never hit anyone. You should have the same underlying respect for people, especially your husband. Drugs have helped to curb my anger, and maybe they can help you.

    I still think it is not right in a relationship for 1 person to carry the load. A marriage is a team: 1+1=1 not 1 taking care of 1.

    IMHO - your distroted view of how you guys should interact and the level of respect that you have is the root of the problem. Your BP is amplifying your response to the issue.

    Respectfully submitted,
    Bip


     
    Old 08-19-2003, 09:26 AM   #9
    littlebernier
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    Bip69,
    Only a doctor can tell whether or not RitaF's anger/rage is coming from bipolar disease or not. We can only tell her whether or not we have had the same symptoms she is experiencing and possibly tell her of medications that might be of assistance to her.

    You contradicted yourself in your posts by first telling RitaF that it was "NOT" bipolar disease then telling her in the last post that her bipolar disease was amplifying her response. Then you tell her she needs no medication, her's was situational, then you are telling her she needs medication.

    IMHO, RitaF came here for advice and help, it is not necessary to be so harsh on those who are seeking help.

    RitaF,
    If age is such an issue with you, perhaps you need to see a therapist to talk about these "issues". You have to be able to find the root of the anger, before you can resolve it. Have you been diagnosed with any mental illness? Are you on any medication? If so, what kind. Does mental illness run in your family?

    I wish you the best of luck! Please keep us posted on how things are going with you.

    LB


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    Old 08-19-2003, 09:30 PM   #10
    bip69
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    My posts are in the spirit of honesty. I read the 1st post, and responded. I read the reply and responded how I felt.

    I just merely want to say, that the situation is not "normal" in society. Most people, IMHO, can't live being babied on everything. If we are, we feel worthless, and we will stike out. That is what is normal in our human nature. Smother any girl, and they will tend not to love you, or atleast not as much that of a woman who has a contribution to the success of a relationship.

    As far as the meds. Maybe there is a need for them, I am not a Dr. and do not perscribe them. I merely wanted to say that BP causes an amplification of highs and lows. That is why the diagnosed BP's need meds. Hitting people is not right, and it says, "something is not right."

    I am here for support to, but I need to be honest in my thoughts. These boards are for opinions, and that is what I posted. I came to these boards to read what other BP's are going through, but I hope that I can offer some insight from a big time BP II with a lot of experience with meds and psych time.

    Sincerely bip.

     
    Old 08-20-2003, 05:20 AM   #11
    RitaF
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    Last edited by RitaF; 12-03-2003 at 07:14 AM.

     
    Old 08-20-2003, 05:55 AM   #12
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    i have been reading this post for a while now, just kind of watching and observing. i, too, struggle with anger and violent tendancies. i truely do not know what kind of advise to give, or what kind of help to offer because i am in almost the same boat as you. i am in councelling and on meds though, still don't know what is triggering my anger, but i'm hoping we'll get there soon enough. i do want to say you are a VERY lucky woman to have such a wonderful and understanding husband, if i started beating the mess out of my boyfriend the way you say you beat your husband, he would've knocked my teeth through my *ss. i guess the one thing i wondered after reading your post was if your anger has ALWAYS been an issue, or if it is something just just happened. for me, when i was growing up, up until age 18 i had a temper as you are describing. i'd lose it, i'd go over the deep end, i had no self control.... NONE. from 19 to a few months before i turned 26 i was the calmest person you could ever think of meeting. you could spit in my eye, cuss me out, or even kick my butt and i'd never lose my temper. BUT about a year ago, my temper came back... full force and out of nowhere. i litterly went from standing there, getting cussed out and nicely telling the girl to leave, to blacking out and trying to beat the mess out of her (according to witnesses). now, i am as you've described, VERY HOSTILE, VERY IMPATIENT, VERY TEMPERMENTAL! if i drop something i go off, if someone cuts me off on the road i get out my car to kick butt, if someone looks at me wrong i'm ready to fight. i no longer need a reason to get mad, anything and everything triggers me. i really can't seem to recall a moment over this last year and something months where i have actually BEEN happy, my times are spent with attitude, boiling rage inside, hate, you name it, i have every negative feeling there is. through my councelling (not only are they finding out mine is a chemical imbalance due to my illness) i am finding out that SOMETHING triggered this rage... we are now trying to find out what. maybe meds will help you, i have heard they have stuff out there to help, its just finding the right meds. i am in that process now, just haven't had any luck yet. good luck, and i hope everything works out for ya. if i have any luck with finding the meds that work, i will post what it is so you can look in to it. living everyday full of hate, anger, rage and violence is definitely no way to live.... its very damaging, especially to ourselves (as well as those around us). again, good luck, and i hope things get better for ya. God bless!

     
    Old 08-20-2003, 07:46 PM   #13
    bip69
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    Rita -

    Find an outlet, not a subject.........


     
    Old 08-21-2003, 09:17 AM   #14
    Pendy
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    I don't know that it is as simple as just switching targets or trying to find an outlet--although finding an outlet would be a good thing. I don't know what causes uncontrollable rage but Rita seems like an intelligent person that I imagine has tried using self control on this problem.

    My suggestion would be to find a psychologiest or psychiatrist and speak with that person. You could do it by yourself so it would not be a counseling session that focused on your "weaknesses" thereby triggering your anger.

     
    Old 08-21-2003, 07:29 PM   #15
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    Last edited by RitaF; 12-03-2003 at 07:18 AM.

     
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