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    Old 01-05-2007, 07:19 AM   #1
    BlueSteam
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    Red face Teen daughter abusive to dog--advice???

    Hi, My 15 year old daughter bought a dobermin a year and a half ago. Lately she has become abusive to him. When it's cold outside the dogs sleep in her bedroom. One night I woke to hearing the dog crying. He had woke her to go outside and she hit him with a shoe. It had to have been hard because he is a BIG dog. I got up and next thing I know, the dog is throwing up. He was trying to warn her!! We had a huge fight about the whole thing. (and several more since then). She hardly pays any attention to him, and when she does, it's all yelling and hitting. I finally gave her a warning that I would find another home for the dog if she didn't stop. It helped for about two weeks. Now it's starting again. He's such a good dog, still needs to learn some manners...but doing fine. This is also the type of dog that could easily turn mean, and I have told her this time and time again.

    I hate to have to get rid of him because he has turned into my buddy. I am stuck at home with a neck and back injury and he has been the only thing to keep me going some days. My children and I saw their real father be abusive to animals, part of the reason we are divorced. I can't imagine my children becoming this way. My daughter flies off the handle at a lot of things, especially when she doesn't get her way. I have told her that maybe she should see a counselor or go to anger management but she says that it's her business and will refuse to talk. This is putting so much stress in our home and I don't know what to do. We all know how to train dogs, but for some reason I feel that deep down she hates this one. Rarely do I see her show him affection. It breaks my heart. She feels that because she paid for him that it's none of our business...BUT I informed her that this is our home and she is living under our roof. Sorry this is so long, but can someone offer any advice?

     
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    Old 01-05-2007, 07:34 AM   #2
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    Re: Teen daughter abusive to dog--advice???

    you're her mother, and she's a kid....it's not up to her whether she see's a counselor.....it's up to you....

    make an appointment and take her there.

    you can't let her keep abusing an animal.

     
    Old 01-05-2007, 07:39 AM   #3
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    Re: Teen daughter abusive to dog--advice???

    Hi Bluestream, haven't heard from you in awhile. Rosequartz gave excellent advice. It isn't her choice. You are the parent and she is stressing out your home. As for the dog, it should become your dog. She shouldn't be near it and it certainly shouldn't sleep in her room anymore.

     
    Old 01-05-2007, 07:03 PM   #4
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    Re: Teen daughter abusive to dog--advice???

    I agree with the other posters. She is your child and lives in your house. You are in fact responsible for the dog legally. In your place i would tell her the Dog is now yours and she is not to touch it anymore. I would have her evaluated for depression. The angry outbursts don't mean she is a bad kid. It sounds like she is holding in some emotions. When they are held in they tend to turn angry. If she does have something bothering her she needs to talk to someone. Either you or a professional. I hope things work out for her and the dog.
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    Old 01-06-2007, 12:11 AM   #5
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    Re: Teen daughter abusive to dog--advice???

    May sound stupid but have you thought of getting her a puchbag, totake her anger and frustration out on, (I was advised to do this for my son who is angry lad,although he doesnt hurt animals) you are right to say this dog could turn,any animal could, and speaking from a mum whos son was attacked by my parents bullmastiff 10months old puppy and ended up with 108 stitches in his face and 04 and half hours plastic surgery (for a totally unprovoked attack) it isnt a nice thing to happen
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    Old 01-06-2007, 09:11 AM   #6
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    Re: Teen daughter abusive to dog--advice???

    Thank you for all your replies. My daughter does have an appt with her dr next week, so I'm going to see if he can help me find her someone to talk to. She does have a lot of "pent" up emotions that I know she needs to learn to deal with. Most of her problems stem from things that her real father has done. Nothing like you would think, but he did sell the house that she spent most of her life in, and for whatever reasons she can't seem to get over that, or the death of a couple cats she has had in the past. She has also become a hypochondriac. At first I thought it was to get attention from us, but she is the only child at home and we spend a lot of time with her~~doing outside activities, homework, movie nights, and we laugh a lot. I don't know how we could possibly pay her any more attention. Her step-dad is wonderful with her. I often feel that maybe she's just plain spoiled.

    As for the dog, a couple weeks ago, I did tell her that if she did one more thing to him, I would get rid of him. Just so you know, the abuse has never gone to more than the shoe thing.(which is bad enough) He's not being beat or anything like that, but she does yell and hit. When she hits it's only once. I just want you to know that I am not allowing any of the horrid things I have seen on TV or my ex has done. But, when she comes home and the dog walks up to her and she slaps him away--I consider that abuse. I have not been sleeping well at night, and I'm not so sure that it's just my injuries keeping me awake. I think deep inside I'm listening, making sure that everything is OK with the dog in her room. I often worry when we leave her home alone with him. I remember it being the same feeling I had when I left my children with a sitter. That's sad.

    It is my home, and I will make the rules. You're all right about that. I warned my husband yesterday that my daughter and I were going to have it out about the dog. I need his support. He usually just sits there and listens--but I told him that he needs to speak up too. I did contact the school councelor several months ago, and she spoke with my daughter about other issues...to no avail. So definately, I will have her see someone else. The thought never hit me that this may be her way of dealing with her emotions. Thank you for opening my eyes. I appreciate your help very much!!

     
    Old 01-07-2007, 05:26 PM   #7
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    Re: Teen daughter abusive to dog--advice???

    I'm so glad you're taking a stand in this situation, and I'm so glad that she's going to the doctor. Hopefully things will get better!

     
    Old 01-12-2007, 12:28 PM   #8
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    Re: Teen daughter abusive to dog--advice???

    If shes abusing the dog she will abuse anyone, children, and adults included

    get the dog away from her grasp!

    tell her to see a Doctor for her rage ASAP!.

     
    Old 01-12-2007, 01:49 PM   #9
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    Re: Teen daughter abusive to dog--advice???

    You did a good thing by getting your daughter to see the doctor. As far as I'm concerned, animals should be treated like babies. Both rely on human adults to look after them. Some may argue that animals are animals, but if someone can take a shoe to a dog that is "asking" you to take them out, it's not a far stretch to throw a shoe at a baby that is crying to have their diaper changed or is hungry. How would she feel if she was the dog..only wanting love and attention and getting a slap?

    Hopefully the doctor will help and your daughter will learn how to deal with any issues she has.

    Good luck!

     
    Old 01-12-2007, 04:33 PM   #10
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    Re: Teen daughter abusive to dog--advice???

    No Animal deserves to be hit ,yelled at . the dog didnt do anything wrong. I couldnt sleep knowing she is taking her anger out on him.IF you love him take him away from her. at least untill she stops. she may be like her dad.

     
    Old 01-28-2007, 07:27 AM   #11
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    Re: Teen daughter abusive to dog--advice???

    For a start BlueSteam get your child away from that dog he/she should not be subjected to animal cruelty its done nothing to her poor dog.
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    Old 01-29-2007, 01:09 AM   #12
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    Re: Teen daughter abusive to dog--advice???

    I agree fully about making her go to a therapist. I was wound up and flew off like that a LOT when I was around that age and I fit like hell not to go but after seeing a few different ones (i had to find one I liked -that meant a LOT to me as some made me feel uncomfortable) but I slowly got better and thank mom to this day for forcing me to go. I was molested when I was 5 till the age of 12 and that is why I had this anger and acted out that way...

    It was my secret and I was scared and didn't know how to tell on the man doing it to me since he threatened to kill my mom if I did -which I believed he would do fully. Therapy helped me come to terms with everything and feel better all around.

    I was angry at mom and the whole world for not being able to read my mind and not just knowing (we think parents are supposed to know everything at that age even though we might of said they are stupid) before that and I felt that they all let me suffer when really they had no clue this was happening to me.

    As for your daughter, it could be anything such as problems with kids at school (a bully maybe), could be a boy/boys, could be drugs (my cousin got high on weed her 1st time at age 8! so don't think it can't happen. drugs can very well make some people short tempered like that. My cousin now tosses an angry fit if she can't get high and it's 10 years later.) and it could be something as bad as what happened to me. My family knew and trusted the man who raped me.

    He was married into my family and became my uncle who just happen to be a sicko who ended up molesting many kids (boys & girls) before it all ended. A total of 8 years of hell for me, his kids and any other kids who he could get the trust of their parents to let them be alone with him even for a few minutes. You would be shocked if you knew how sneaky and slick these freaks are at doing this.

    Not saying that has happened to your teenager... But it did to me and that is why I was mean as a teen and mom was clueless. I'd chop off my dolls heads, fight with kids, fight with adults, scream, toss a fit, knock stuff around and was a screaming nut for what mom only assumed were hormones and me being a brat.

    Your teen could be taking it all out on the dog since he's the only one around that can't exactly talk back, have athority over her and must submit to her anger. That anger is meant for someone or something else but the dog can't (in her mind) fight back or maybe she thinks it doesn't hurt like humans due as far as feelings go so she takes it out on him instead.

    It's animal abuse 110%, it's against the law and it's wrong so please for the sake of the dogs mental well being save him from this before he turns bad tempered and no one will take him, even if you must find a new owner. And for your teen please, get her some help. She'll thank you when she's older and you might just save her too from some suffering you would never imagine she's going through.

    I did better with female therapists. The one I found seemed cool and unjudging of me.... That made it much easier for me to open up so find out what the therapists approach is to treatment and what kind of verbal input they'll be giving your kid. It'll save ya having to go through as many as we did before I found "the one".

    Good luck! It's gonna be hard but I'm sure you can do this. All great things don't come easy (unless you win the lottery )

     
    Old 01-31-2007, 06:59 AM   #13
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    Re: Teen daughter abusive to dog--advice???

    The abusing the your dog was me many years ago. I used to have several different animals when I was a teenager. I had a dog when I was around 16 and if the dog did anything dog like I would beat it. One time it ran up the street a block or two, I chased it and beat it all the way home. Neighbors were yelling at me but I didn't see what I was doing. I was really out to lunch.

    I then lived a life of drug addiction and alcoholism, with many problems. I survived long enough to get clean and sober. While I was a couple of years clean I started to see a psychiatrist. There I have been diagnosed with OCD, depression and now we are looking at me being bipolar.

    A dog needs lots of love, or it is being abused in the neglect catagory. Today, I have three dogs and they are totally loved and spoiled and living inside the house. They are sleeping at my feet. Dang farts are killing me.

    I still ruminate and beat myself up for hurting that poor dog.

     
    Old 02-27-2007, 05:06 PM   #14
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    Re: Teen daughter abusive to dog--advice???

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by BlueSteam View Post
    Thank you for all your replies. My daughter does have an appt with her dr next week, so I'm going to see if he can help me find her someone to talk to. She does have a lot of "pent" up emotions that I know she needs to learn to deal with. Most of her problems stem from things that her real father has done. Nothing like you would think, but he did sell the house that she spent most of her life in, and for whatever reasons she can't seem to get over that, or the death of a couple cats she has had in the past. She has also become a hypochondriac. At first I thought it was to get attention from us, but she is the only child at home and we spend a lot of time with her~~doing outside activities, homework, movie nights, and we laugh a lot. I don't know how we could possibly pay her any more attention. Her step-dad is wonderful with her. I often feel that maybe she's just plain spoiled.

    As for the dog, a couple weeks ago, I did tell her that if she did one more thing to him, I would get rid of him. Just so you know, the abuse has never gone to more than the shoe thing.(which is bad enough) He's not being beat or anything like that, but she does yell and hit. When she hits it's only once. I just want you to know that I am not allowing any of the horrid things I have seen on TV or my ex has done. But, when she comes home and the dog walks up to her and she slaps him away--I consider that abuse. I have not been sleeping well at night, and I'm not so sure that it's just my injuries keeping me awake. I think deep inside I'm listening, making sure that everything is OK with the dog in her room. I often worry when we leave her home alone with him. I remember it being the same feeling I had when I left my children with a sitter. That's sad.

    It is my home, and I will make the rules. You're all right about that. I warned my husband yesterday that my daughter and I were going to have it out about the dog. I need his support. He usually just sits there and listens--but I told him that he needs to speak up too. I did contact the school councelor several months ago, and she spoke with my daughter about other issues...to no avail. So definately, I will have her see someone else. The thought never hit me that this may be her way of dealing with her emotions. Thank you for opening my eyes. I appreciate your help very much!!
    It sounds like your daughter is bipolar look up the symptoms.

     
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