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Hi New Here....Need help

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Old 01-10-2008, 09:12 AM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: California
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CoastingD33 HB User
Unhappy Hi New Here....Need help

HI everyone. This is my first time to this board. I am 27 and separated from my husband for about 8 months now. I have always had a temper. I lose my temper easily, especially with my husband who I am separated from. I feel like I have spun out of control since we have been separated. Freaking out and losing m y temper and calling him names and saying horrible things that I regret saying. I just am feeling sad and really want to change and was hoping that talking here and possibly finding advice would help. Thanks

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Old 01-10-2008, 09:27 AM   #2
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Hi New Here....Need help

Hi Coasting, welcome! What exactly makes you so angry with your husband?

Old 01-12-2008, 12:44 AM   #3
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Janesville, WI, USA
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Lynnie82 HB User
Re: Hi New Here....Need help

Hi Coasting,
I have a problem simular to yours. I have been with my husband for 8 years, married for 4...we are still together, but are kinda on the verge of splitting up because of my anger/mood problem. It's weird because I'm fine when I'm around other people, but when I'm around him I'm just always in a bad mood and yell at him for every little thing...I don't want to be like this anymore, but I don't know what to do. Maybe you and I can help each other out!

Old 01-12-2008, 05:40 PM   #4
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Join Date: Dec 2007
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Posts: 24
tizzy76 HB User
Re: Hi New Here....Need help

Why do most of us that suffer from anger problems take it out on our men? My partner always says why do you do that?, and you are so lovely to everyone else.
I dont no why we do it or why we get so angry, what i do no is though, you are not alone on this at all, i cant believe how many women have the same problem with this.
I totally no what you mean when you say you dont no why but really you do this but, if you look deep inside you will find some of the reasons.
Such a crying shame that so many relationships are effected by this samr type of behaviour and noone has answers really its a hard one.
People have advised me of all sorts to to like try vitamins, maybe its a hormone imbalance, go on the pill, go to yoga. I have tryed several of these things and sometimes i find things that help like screaming into a pillow oes wonders for me lol i get giddy but sometimes it works. A resent thing i have started to do again what i havnt for a long time is walk, clear my mind. Lots of diferent things work for different people. Firstly w have to find out what is making us un happy and what kind of things trigger us off.
Writing here can help try writing next time you are angry thn read it back and see take a deep look at what has started you off.

Hope your feeling a bit better, there are alot of people on this board that can relate to your problem xxx

Old 01-13-2008, 12:16 AM   #5
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Niclolu HB User
Re: Hi New Here....Need help

Hi. Why is it that the people we care about the most are the people we tend to get upset with and hurt the most? I get frustrated and am less tolerant about matters with my husband more than I am with anyone else. I have come to learn that most of my frustrations come when I have an expectation of him and he does not deliver or do what I expect. And because I am the most comfortable with him, I allow the worse of me to come out. We do not do that with others do we?

Throughout the years I have come to realize that I am who I am and he is who he is. Just because we marry one another does not mean we will become just like one another. I cannot expect him to react the way I would react to matters and I cannot expect him to show me love the way I show him love. Our love languages are completely different! He is still his own person and if I expect him to act like me, I have set myself up for constant aggravation.

I have also learned that if I am not comfortable with who I am and I do not value myself, anything he does that brings attention to my low self esteem, I become angry. It makes me uncomfortable and rather than face my own weakness, it was easier to make it his fault for making me feel this way. After all, it is easier to feel anger than hurt.

Ultimately, the problem is within us and not the other person. You have to look within yourself and see why it is you react the way you do and how you came to learn to use anger as a way to communicate. As for me, no one ever taught me how to communicate effectively or how to resolve conflict and reacting with anger was my own frustrations coming out because I did not know how to express myself any other way.

It does not hurt to ask for help from a professional if need be. I wish you all the luck. You can do it!

Old 02-29-2008, 07:23 AM   #6
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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Jess818 HB User
Angry Re: Hi New Here....Need help

Hi All, I completely understand all of you, it seems like we have the same problem.
I yell at my boyfriend too all the time, sometimes ......most of the times I regret what i say to him but i cannot help it.
I am ok with other people but when I'm with him I get very frustrated and aggravated with him, he says I act like an old person but it's only with him. I've had other partners but for some reason it is with him only that I loose my nerves and start going crazy. Sometimes I don't recognize myself when I get heated.

Last edited by Jess818; 02-29-2008 at 07:24 AM. Reason: mispelled

Old 03-28-2008, 03:02 PM   #7
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7jr0 HB User
Re: Hi New Here....Need help

Hello this is my 2nd post here ever, and sorry if this thread is for wives angry at husbands, I am a husband that always finds myself enraged with my wife...usually over such trivial occurences, but for some reason all I seem to do is EXPLODE . It is the constant questioning of why I do things the way I do, or pointing out how I have cleaned kitchen insufficiently, or that I cook wrong foods, or I didn't trim bushes correctly or that I spend too much time on my hobby (hot rod)...I feel there is NOTHING I do correctly and up to snuff and I am exhausted and then I BLOW

Old 04-03-2008, 05:58 PM   #8
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Posts: 137
Niclolu HB User
Re: Hi New Here....Need help

Why is that? Why do we tend to give our worse to people we are closest to?Is it because they have seen our worse side and we are more comfortable allowing that side of us to show? With other people, we are more guarded and in a sense, have an image to protect.

Is it because we take family (and friends) for granted and think they will not leave us and fool ourselves into thinking they will continue to accept us the way we are?

I have learned that if we have expectations of people and they do not meet our expectations, we become instant judge and jury. We become angry when people do not act in a way that we think they should. We compare what people do to what we would have done. That sort of thinking will always serve to get us angry.

People should not behave like that...I would never have done that.
He should not have said that...I would not say something like that.
She should have known better... I know better, why doesn't she?
She should not disprespect me like that...I would not disrespect her like that.

We can drive ourselves mad with that kind of thinking.

Old 04-08-2008, 05:46 AM   #9
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Illinois
Posts: 67
Heavnlyhart2 HB User
Re: Hi New Here....Need help

Anger is unhealthy, if it just with the ones your with that make you so angry keep a daily journal of events by logging them down you can refer back to find your triggers that seem to set you off and what doesn't set you off. If it is something that your spouse or other half does that seems to set you off talk with them about it. Sometimes anger builds up from our own insecurites with this person perhaps its anxiety the fear of losing them but our anger with them over time will make matters worse cause they will have enough and want to leave....Try some relaxation tapes take deep breaths, get your feelings out on paper, talk to your mate, if you feel you have to blow with anger take a time out like we teach our kids to do think, if your heart feels like it is racing and your breathing harder then it is anxiety talk with your doctor nothing wrong with it sometimes our own bodies even let us know something is wrong with us when we don't even know why...stress is the cause of that it triggers anxiety I know I have it ....good luck

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