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Please advise!

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Old 02-18-2011, 09:04 AM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: USA
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kiara2010 HB User
Please advise!

Hi all, Sorry for such a long post but I really need to talk..

I am 27 years old and I am in a relationship with my boyfriend who is 29 ..we are seeing each other for 2 years now... I really love him and I believe he does too..
we dont work in the same city since october 2010, so, We meet twice a month ... we had to move to different cities for our jobs after our school ..
lately, we have been fighting continuously on really small things..

He has a temper problem.. he also knows that.. however, in the past there were mistakes from my sides too.. I have spent a lot of time on working on my temper and behavior.. because I have seen him suffering and losing control because of me..I was afraid that I might lose him as well as will lose myself one day...

Anyway, so everything was going well despite some small fights and issues which I feel every couple normally goes through.. but what remained constant was his anger on small issues.. he doesn't really throw things around ( but he has done things like that in past) or he doesn't become physical .. but emotionally hurts me very badly when he is angry over my small mistakes and over his mistakes also which he doesn't realize in anger ... now, most of the time he does not accept that he has a temper problem, he thinks its my perception..
I am listing few things here which will make situation a bit clear for the readers:

1. As soon as I tell him something about his words or anger that is hurting me, he becomes very defensive and puts all the blame on me and says that I deserve this and talks all BS about me

2.If I feel bad about something he has said to me and if I go and try to explain to him calmly.. it will end up in fights.. he never understands!

3. If I share some issues in my friends lives with him, he feels I am indirectly conveying my insecurities..

4. Even on small arguments he storms out of the house, making me feel guilty about everything

5. His reactions on the small fights are so intense that I feel as if I did such a big mistake and have hurt him so badly and makes me feel as if I screwed up everything

and there are many more like these.. last few days.. I am keeping myself very very calm whenever he gets angry.. and try to avoid arguments... when he calms down he comes and says sorry for all the things he has said to me.. but
I dont feel anything for his sorry anymore.. I am losing my peace of mind.
I feel like I can not share any of my feelings with him.... yesterday, I finally thought I will not tell him anything at all.. even if I am hurt or want to tell him badly that his temper is ruining everything..(actually, I have tried telling him in several ways and many times but always ended up agreeing with him that I am dragging things unnecessarily)
I thought, I will first calm myself down and then talk to him.. yesterday, whole day he kept asking me why are you so quiet, I told him nothing happened I am OK but I was not he knew that so he was talking really nicely and kept asking but I was actually very disturbed .. I thought he will understand my silence but this morning he started behaving like I did yesterday... so, when I told him to be little patient I will talk to you.. I am not OK.. thats it.. he started saying things to me and asked me not to talk to him at all..

I can not believe this.. none of the things are working out.. I am not supposed to talk.. I am not supposed to feel bad.. I am not supposed to keep quiet.. I don't know what I should do to tell him that he is hurting me and our relationship with his temper.. Right now I am totally blank.. no feelings ..nothing.. I don't know what is going to happen with our relationship..

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Old 02-18-2011, 09:05 AM   #2
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Re: Please advise!

you need to stop cow-towing to him and stand up for yourself and get out of this abusive relationship......

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