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  • Not Comfortable in my Own Skin! :-(

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    Old 10-26-2011, 02:23 PM   #1
    Luvd1's Avatar
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    Thumbs down Not Comfortable in my Own Skin! :-(

    I am angry almost all the time. I am often numb too. I am 41 years old and I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. I walk around everyday wondering if other people like me and whether I am doing something wrong. I hate it! I nearly constantly think I am doing something wrong.

    My mother taught me to repress my feelings and needs as a child and now that I am an adult I STILL think more about what other people want & need than what I need. It is nearly killing me!

    I have tried to undo this people pleasing mechanism inside me- any advise?

    It is to the point that I am willing to isolate myself from my family and everyone that I should love to stop the pain of perceived disappointment. I JUST WANT TO PLEASE MYSELF! I WANT TO FEEL COMFORTABLE MYSELF!

    It does not help that I have a husband that is critical. He is always watching me and judging me (at least I think he is). If I do something wrong he is quick to point it out. He refers to himself as "a godly man" and tells me my girlfriends are "the most godly people he's ever met", but I feel silently condemned. He is very controlled and hardly talks to me. Those kind words are not for me....why? If I smoke he's quick to tell everyone about it. I seriously believe he is slandering my character within my church community.

    I am a nice girl. I will compliment my high school students, friends & family when I see a good work in their lives..... but no one gives me the accolades I wish I could hear.... and maybe need. I feel such a sense of emotional neediness inside me I am ready to take drastic measures to change the climate of my life- like changing everything. My job, my physical location, divorce.... everything!

    and my faith in Jesus Christ seems to exasperate this problem in my life... because I'm supposed to "die to self and serve others"

    Please Help! Has anyone been here & can help me?

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    Old 12-01-2011, 10:38 AM   #2
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    Re: Not Comfortable in my Own Skin! :-(

    Hi, I understand where you're coming from. It is not always good to try and please "everyone" .... because for one that will be impossible, but you should start worrying about your needs and wants more and doing what you feel you want to do to make you happy. Sometimes in life you have to put yourself first and others come next , otherwise you will be missing out on alot that you want and you won't be happy . If your husband is making you feel bad ways about yourself , talk to him to see why he does it, if it doesnt work then move on , but at least try to see what it is and if you can resolve the issue. Go for what you want and do what you have to do to make a better life for yourself . well, great luck and I wish you the best , You can do it, I believe in you!!!!

    Old 12-20-2011, 04:14 PM   #3
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    Re: Not Comfortable in my Own Skin! :-(

    I totally understand where your coming from. I am fixing to be 31 and I am working on my second marriage. My husband and I never spend time togethe and what time we do spend together we are arguing. The only time I get affection is when he wants to be sexual. Last week I got off early and he was off that day so I wanted to have some us time. Well he has lack of communication and never told me he was going to spend the day with his sister. I took that as an opportunity to do something for myself, which I never do. I went and walked around the mall, got my hair cut and dyed. I am always about what other people need and never think of myself. I am waiting for the day when I just explode. I'm like a ticking time bomb. Sometimes you have to take time for yourself, even if it's just window shopping. I felt so much better that because I don't have friends to go to except one and she has a family also so I hate to be a bother. If you need advice that I can help with I'd be glad to talk. I obiviously can't be too much help because I'm on here just like you.

    Old 12-20-2011, 11:21 PM   #4
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    Re: Not Comfortable in my Own Skin! :-(

    I used to feel this way. It took a few years to convince myself of this but this is what worked for me:

    I told myself that I do good things here and if someone did that for me I would have liked it alot. Therefore they must like it alot.

    If I know the job was done right, then it was done right!

    I do deserve what I have!

    and finally:

    I care about myself, and I dont care about what other people think. It makes ME happy, so I will do it, no matter what they think. If I feel good wearing a silly sheep hat, I will wear it b/c it makes me feel good, and it doesnt matter what they think. They arent me!

    Also, try having a talk with your husband and just ask for some praise. A little thing like, good job! goes soooo far. When I get a compliment or some praise, no matter how small, I feel like Im walking on clouds.

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