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  • What is wrong with me?

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    Old 03-15-2014, 04:00 PM   #1
    amberbear7
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    What is wrong with me?

    I feel like there is a huge reservoir of anger, sitting just below my skin and at a moments notice it could erupt or boil over. It doesn't take much to set me off. It can be things like people getting on the back door of the bus (at my university there is a free bus system) or people crowding around the back door so I can't get off. Sometimes its even something like the bus I ride to my apartment is crowded and I get mad there are people on my bus. I also get angry when people walk on the wrong side of the side walk. I have recently started making loud snarky comments to people who I think are being dumb. When we go to restaurants and they make my food wrong I'm that person being angry with them.
    I am so jealous too, and not just with my boyfriend. I get jealous about people in the same major as me, "how dare they want to do what I want to do!" But maybe worst of all is with my boyfriends brothers girlfriend. I don't know if I would call it jealous. She just generally annoys me anyways and I may be jealous that I think my boyfriends mother likes her more. But I feel this emense hate toward her. It pisses me off that she has a newer car and is far younger than me and she didn't have to work for it. I get jealous of other students ( especially my boyfriend) when the Professor who I am working with in the lab get shows them attention.
    When I was younger I would bite myself when I was mad or didn't get my way. I have now started to cut, I still bite, and pull out my hair when I get so angry I literately feel like I am going to explode if I don't hurt hurt myself.
    I get nervous spells. I can just be sitting watching tv and all of a sudden i nervous. This happens a lot when I am eating. I also am a compulsive worrier. I imagine the worst possible out come of anything that I am unsure of and i obsess over it.
    I pick fights with my boyfriend. I pick and pick until he explodes. I say some of the worst things possible to him. Our last big fight I hit him, we were also drinking so that may account for that.
    I have tried and tried to not be so angry. I try to look on the good side of things. But as soon a I leave the apartment and I encounter people I get angry. I don't want to walk around this angry for the rest of my life and I don't know what to do about it.

    Last edited by Administrator; 03-15-2014 at 09:07 PM.

     
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    Old 03-16-2014, 02:48 PM   #2
    lapop
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    Re: What is wrong with me?

    Sounds like a bit of narcissism or low self esteem issues contributing to your outburst... you may also have some sort of chemical imbalance or hormonal problem you need help with. But you need to get control of it you may ruin relationships if you don't stop with the anger just speaking from experience because people get sick of dealing with it and I can't blame them it pushes people away . I have anger problems too and a nutritional doctor somehow knew I was grumpy just by looking at a drop of blood under a microscope it was due to a hormonal imbalance it may be the case for you or maybe not. Hopefully you get the help you need and go to anger management classes or get see a doctor for help.

     
    Old 03-17-2014, 09:14 AM   #3
    rosequartz
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    Re: What is wrong with me?

    do a little research on BPD, borderline personality disorder......some of what you are describing sounds a little like it

     
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