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    Old 02-22-2017, 05:11 PM   #1
    Jesscxx
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    Constantly anxious feel so alone

    I am 20 years old and have never posted in any type of forum before. I suppose I'm on here looking for help and others like myself.

    I have always been a very anxious person, even as a child (around 11/12 years old) I was afraid that I might suddenly have a heart attack or have cancer or something. After a few years these feelings almost faded away however in the past year or so my anxiety has come back with a vengeance. It usually started in bed as I was trying to fall asleep, I'd have thoughts about dying etc and would have to phone my ex-boyfriend crying about it. It is a very embarrassing thing to tell anyone who doesn't have anxiety because they will look at you like you're crazy, "how can you think you're dying you're perfectly fine?". It has only gotten worse from this point. My anxiety is now there almost every night. I need to turn on the TV so that I can get to sleep quicker without the anxious thoughts.

    My worst panic attack came recently when I woke up randomly at around 7am with this very strange feeling like I was almost still dreaming. This anxiety attack was like nothing I'd experienced before. I was afraid that I was going crazy and that I was going to be put into a mental home. I started freaking out thinking what if I am in this state of panic forever and I try to tell someone and they get me locked up into a psychiatric home!! I ended up having to wake up my current boyfriend and tell him that I felt like I wasn't a real person and that I was going crazy (I must have sounded so ridiculous). The worst part was that he genuinely looked at me as if I was crazy!! Which didn't help at all. I feel like no one understands and I feel like my anxiety is going in a downwards spiral. I went to the doctors and have had heart tests and been prescribed beta blockers and also a small dose of diazepam!! I have never and probably won't ever take the diazepam as I am far too anxious to even try it! I have taken the betablockers a few times before uni presentations etc and they helped for the social aspect of anxiety but not he health anxiety fears.

    I am so scared that my anxiety consumes my life and that I am afraid to leave my house or anything. I'm afraid that my sleep will be affected and everything will be consumed by anxiety. These thoughts make my anxiety even worse. I feel like I am at a loose end and don't know what to do with myself. How can I get this away?

     
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    Old 02-22-2017, 07:40 PM   #2
    Beck4chi
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    Re: Constantly anxious feel so alone

    First, you are not alone in what you're going through. But I know from experience that it feels that way. I was always a worrier, from a young age too. At age 20 I had my first real panic attack and months of anxiety and panic followed before I got the help I needed. I too was terrified that I would be put away for being "crazy" and was actually quite afraid to tell the psychiatrist that I finally went to what was happening. But she knew exactly what was going on with me and my confessions of all that I'd been thinking/feeling didn't shock her at all like I'd convinced myself that they would. Up until this point I'd been afraid of psych meds and had only sought talk therapy but by the time I saw her I needed pharmaceutical intervention and it changed everything.

    Once I began "balancing out" I began to learn about and understand my disorders, and with any anxiety disorder, knowledge really is power. By the way this all started happening right after my Grandma died and only months before my wedding! The time that passed between my first attack and when I finally got to a psychiatrist was hell and I lost my job in the midst of it. If I had to do it over again, I would've gotten to my psychiatrist much sooner.

    Don't be afraid to get appropriate help, what you're going through can be managed and helped. Also, don't be afraid to try your anxiety medicine when you have a panic attack, it will help and that's what it's there for. I wish you much good luck!

     
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