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  • Agoraphobia ruining my life and marriage HELP



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    Old 04-07-2017, 07:49 AM   #1
    Lindy74
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    Agoraphobia ruining my life and marriage HELP

    I've had severe anxiety for a number of years now, and now agoraphobia has got me almost completely housebound. I struggle to get outside every day, even for a tiny walk or a very short drive. This problem is heavily impacting my marriage, as I can't do almost anything my husband enjoys (and I used to enjoy). My kids are grown, and I spend most of my days alone in the house, wanting to be " in the world" but so afraid at the same time. Can anyone please help me with ways to calm myself down when extreme anxiety/panic hit and I don't want to rush back to the "safety" of my house/bedroom? I'm desperate to have a meaningful life and save my marriage. Thank you for your help,

    Lindy

     
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    Old 04-07-2017, 09:19 AM   #2
    Snoopy61
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    Re: Agoraphobia ruining my life and marriage HELP

    Hi Lindy,

    I am sorry you have Agoraphobia.

    The less you get out the worse the Agoraphobia will become. If you do not take an anti-anxiety medication or antidepressant (some treat anxiety) then that should be the first thing you do. A Psychiatrist is the best Dr. for these types of medications, it's their specialty. A Primary Care Physician can also prescribe these types of medications. Working with a Psychotherapist can also be helpful.

    Even with medication and Psychotherapy Agoraphobia won't just go away. You will need to go beyond your comfort zone and get out. Even if this doesn't help the first, second, third, or more tries don't give up...keep trying.

    Men are fixers and I am guessing your husband is at a loss to "fix" you. At this point he probably feels frustrated, lonely, helpless, that he is unable to help you.

    If you haven't already, explain what is happening to you and you are going to try to get better but it will take time. That you need his patience, love and help.

    Lindy, a short acting anti-anxiety medication might help you get started. Do you like music? If you listen to music and take a short walk or out in public, focus on the music not that you left your safe place. Little by little with consistency you can get better. Unfortunately, even with medication and Psychotherapy, agoraphobia can only improve with your effort.

    Involve you husband as much as possible in this process but be careful not to overwhelm him with emotions --- men don't do well with female emotional upheavals :-)

    Positive mental reinforcement can help --- keep telling yourself you can do this, it will feel good to get outside, if I keep trying I will have a happy fulfilling life or whatever works best for you...just keep it positive. If your thoughts/mind goes to the negative ---- stop --- redirect back to positive.

     
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    Old 04-07-2017, 09:44 AM   #3
    Lindy74
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    Re: Agoraphobia ruining my life and marriage HELP

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Snoopy61 View Post
    Hi Lindy,

    I am sorry you have Agoraphobia.

    The less you get out the worse the Agoraphobia will become. If you do not take an anti-anxiety medication or antidepressant (some treat anxiety) then that should be the first thing you do. A Psychiatrist is the best Dr. for these types of medications, it's their specialty. A Primary Care Physician can also prescribe these types of medications. Working with a Psychotherapist can also be helpful.

    Even with medication and Psychotherapy Agoraphobia won't just go away. You will need to go beyond your comfort zone and get out. Even if this doesn't help the first, second, third, or more tries don't give up...keep trying.

    Men are fixers and I am guessing your husband is at a loss to "fix" you. At this point he probably feels frustrated, lonely, helpless, that he is unable to help you.

    If you haven't already, explain what is happening to you and you are going to try to get better but it will take time. That you need his patience, love and help.

    Lindy, a short acting anti-anxiety medication might help you get started. Do you like music? If you listen to music and take a short walk or out in public, focus on the music not that you left your safe place. Little by little with consistency you can get better. Unfortunately, even with medication and Psychotherapy, agoraphobia can only improve with your effort.

    Involve you husband as much as possible in this process but be careful not to overwhelm him with emotions --- men don't do well with female emotional upheavals :-)

    Positive mental reinforcement can help --- keep telling yourself you can do this, it will feel good to get outside, if I keep trying I will have a happy fulfilling life or whatever works best for you...just keep it positive. If your thoughts/mind goes to the negative ---- stop --- redirect back to positive.
    Thank you snoopy,
    I do take both an anti-anxiety med and an antidepressant.
    You are exactly right about my husband -- he's a fixer -- he tried for many years to help me with my anxiety/panic/depression and finally just wore out /gave up (though he still offers some help). I've told him how much I need him -- we've been together over 30 years -- i think he's mostly frustrated with the sloooooooow progress that's been happening. (So am I <sigh>) .
    I haven't tried listening to music while trying to go out -- I guess I could try that. Do you listen to something uplifting? Fun? I'm not much of music person generally.
    I realize I need to keep trying, but setbacks drive me crazy. Just last week I had a panic attack while driving (the very short distance) home from a store, and it's been so hard to convince myself to get back into the car ;(
    I desperately want that "happy fulfilling life" and it's there for the taking if I could just get past this &[email protected];? anxiety/panic
    You really sound like you know what your taking about -- thank you so much for your response and please add more details.

    Lindy

     
    Old 04-08-2017, 09:43 AM   #4
    sweetpotato13
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    Re: Agoraphobia ruining my life and marriage HELP

    wonderful post from Snoopy, there's not a thing that I could add to that! Just wanted to wish you the best, Lindy. I struggle with agoraphobia (to a much lesser degree as I work, etc, outside the home but have created very limited boundaries for myself) and I do see that when I stay in for a few days and don't challenge myself, I tend to take steps back.
    Just today I was going back and forth in my mind about going to the pharmacy to get Easter items. I don't "have" to go, but I know it's important that I do. I went, and felt much better about myself that I made it happen. You can do this.

     
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