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  • Fear ... of nothing?



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    Old 08-02-2017, 01:47 PM   #1
    wpark2419
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    wpark2419 HB User
    Fear ... of nothing?

    A little backstory in case it helps...I am a 31 year old female, married (very happily) with 2 kids ages 11 and 4. No real problems until 2 years ago. I admit I have a tendency to over worry a problem. I've convinced myself a loved one was dead if they were 10 min late getting home, positive I have cancer and am dying...etc. Although these thoughts would make me feel sick, I didn't have panic attacks and could eventually get out of that way of thinking by trying to think more rationally (VERY hard at times!) So 2 years ago I read on ******** about my old neighbor suddenly losing her husband from an unexpected heart attack. I felt so sad for her which turned into thoughts of "that's what's going to happen to you" and "you'll end up completely alone" which is one of my biggest fears. I tried to make the thoughts go away and shortly after experienced my first panic attack. I felt horrible for a week and absolutely terrified of everything. I didn't want my husband to go to work or my oldest to leave for school. I went to a doc who looked at me like I was crazy which didn't help. I was sent for tests which all came back fine and she prescribed buspurone (something like that?). To make things shorter it wasn't helping so my regular doc switched things around a few times until I seemed to start feeling better. End result was Zoloft at 75mg a day. In the past 2 years I have days where I wake up with a horrible feeling of dread that I can't really accurately explain. Like I'm waiting for something horrible to happen. My chest feels heavy, I have no appetite and I just have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Other days, I'm okay and feel almost like me again.
    Lately though, I have the fear and anxious feeling that just doesn't go away. But there's nothing that I'm worrying about. For instance I'm washing dishes listening to music like normal and a huge wave of dread and fear comes crashing down on to me for seemingly no reason. I truly cannot understand what I am worrying about. I don't know how to change my way of thinking when I wasn't thinking of anything to start this. It probably makes no sense but I just can't find any other way of wording it.
    Is there any way to get out of this cycle of fear? Sometimes it's just wave after wave of fear and doom hitting me and I get so stressed thinking I just can't handle this. I'm so tired and yawning all day trying to get through it. Everything I read just doesn't help because it's all specific to knowing what you're stressing about.
    Unfortunately I can't afford therapy and my insurance doesn't cover it, so that option is out.
    Any help would be greatly appreciated. Even to know someone else has the same problem would help so much.

     
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