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  • Why am I so worried??

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    Old 10-08-2017, 05:02 AM   #1
    Join Date: Oct 2017
    Posts: 2
    AvgJoe1 HB User
    Why am I so worried??

    I have had anxiety and depression my whole life. I was officially diagnosed in 2011 after an anxiety attack sent me to the hospital where I thought I was having a heart attack. Then came the depression and then came the doctors the meds and talk therapy. I had it under control. Flash forward to now, life stressors happened(I was having trouble at work and made a mistake but wasn't canned) however now I'm terrified. My mind won't stop focusing on the negative and my anxiety and depression are sending me into a tailspin. I am not sleeping well and obsessing over all the negative details and mistakes (real or imagined) in work or in life. Am I incompetent? Will I let my wife and daughter down if I lose my job and we end out on the street? Did I choose the wrong career? Am I so worthless? Why can't I get a handle on this? I feel so useless and alone. I can't stop being afraid and my mind won't stop rushing to every negative scenario and then I start crying. I hate crying. It's like I'm stuck in a pit and no matter what I do I can't pull myself out but just keep sinking deeper.

    Sorry for the scattershot post but I had to put this somewhere.

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    Old 10-08-2017, 08:13 AM   #2
    Join Date: Oct 2017
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    BB2013 HB User
    Re: Why am I so worried??

    Hi Joe. I wish I had advice to work you through the point you're struggling. I don't, but I wanted to send you encouragement and let you know you're not alone. I think when you acknowledged that some of your fears were 'real' and some 'imagined' that's huge. We can't always suppress those imagined worries, but just acknowledging that they may not be real can help give us some control back. I've been there, and am slipping back to a similar place now. So, for what it's worth,please just remember you've gotten out of this hole before and you will again. Try to take it minute by minute 😊

    Old 10-08-2017, 12:40 PM   #3
    Join Date: Oct 2017
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    AvgJoe1 HB User
    Re: Why am I so worried??

    Thank you for your message. i appreciate the encouragement

    Old 10-12-2017, 09:44 AM   #4
    Join Date: Nov 2015
    Location: Chicago, Illinois
    Posts: 57
    Mariabbb HB User
    Re: Why am I so worried??

    Two of my co-workers were recently fired on the same day. Morale in the office plunged and everybody is worried that they are next. The anxiety is really intense for me because I really need my job. In my case the best thing to do is to try to act busy. Maybe ask others if you can take on a task for them. When I'm busy my mind doesn't have time to wander as much.

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    Old 10-23-2017, 08:06 AM   #5
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    Re: Why am I so worried??

    Dear AvgJoe,

    Most of us do need our jobs. So not wanting to lose it is a completely normal thought. You are not unusual at all about that. I want to add that if you are doing your job, it's unlikely you will get fired.
    Good, responsible workers are an asset.

    I grew up in a very dysfunctional family so I hid my anxiety by being silent and inexpressive. Many families are quite dysfunctional, so to me your experience and what you struggle with seems very 'normal' and common. Perhaps no one even ever asked you how you feel, but there's some reason why you don't talk to anyone you know about how you feel.

    I suggest first thing that you get a physical check up by a doctor...a physical one. I completely recommend against going to a doctor to 'fix' anxiety. The drugs make us drugged. They do not fix anxiety.

    However, get your physical health checked out to see that you are in good health. If you are over or under weight or have a physical problem, that contributes to insecurity. Health matters more, but looks do matter both to ourselves and to others, and we shouldn't ever deny that. We feel best about ourselves when we take charge of ourselves. Maybe you need a better hair style. Or to shine your shoes or buy new shoes. We need to work on looking our best. We all look different, so we should never concern ourselves one second that we don't look like someone else. I know, sometimes that is easier said than done. Especially with all the airbrushed photos and movie stars. That is not even real life, so let's not compare ourselves with fakery.

    I think the worst part of anxiety and fear is that we may not see it in others so we can feel very alone and defective because most people are not open about it. I was a very scared 'rabbit' growing up. My way of handling it was to be silent and try to be invisible, but of course, that only gets negative attention. The sentence I remember most from childhood is "what are you smiling about?' (snidely spoken) as if being a child that was happy was a crime. I think it is really helpful to take a look at where we are coming from, what happened to us , and what got us where we are. Then after taking that inventory, sort out what was about who we are and what was really about someone else, to sort out what was right and what was wrong. Forgive the others and also forgive ourselves, so we can move past it.

    I do think we don't need to walk around being open about our anxiety with just anyone. But I think what debilitates us is hiding it until we have built up a mountain against ourselves. What if you had told your wife the first time you realized that you feared losing your job? What if you used that fear energy to motivate you to take some classes that would make you more valuable on the job, or increase your skills for advancing on the job or getting a new job?

    The problem with hidden fears is that they eat us alive. If you can't get yourself to open up to your spouse, then please find a men's support group. There are all kinds of men's support groups nowadays. Find one that fits for you. When I first went to a support group I observed many times before I participated. It really helps to see in person that you are far from alone in what you feel.

    The problem is in not accepting anxious emotions as a normal part of life, and in not seeing it in others. I now can see insecurity in others. I stopped being afraid i would be rejected. I stopped seeking approval. Do I get rejected by some people? Definitely. But not by honest people (who accept that they themselves are not 'perfect'. I now make sure that I approve of myself, doing personal inventory of my own self. That might seem arrogant, but I do that to check if I am thinking of myself as lower or higher than I should. I'm sure that others have their own opinions, but it's me that has to live with my self. You have to live with yourself. So if you know you are failing on the job, get some training and skills. If you know you do a good job, keep it up. Do it for self-respect. Not for kudos or to impress others.

    Self-respect and self acceptance is most often what gets respect and acceptance. I think that's what we need to work on. I hope this helps.
    ~ YaYa ~

    Last edited by Administrator; 10-23-2017 at 08:25 AM.

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