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    Old 10-29-2017, 11:32 PM   #1
    Someonethere45
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    Unhappy Anxiety ruining relationships

    Over the past year or so, I have been dealing with the after-effects of a really bad breakup. Lots of things went wrong, both near the end and since then. The fact is, that (possibly) anxiety related issues caused many problems during and after when we were together. In general, it has caused me many problems with any relationship, and I have never had much success in romantic terms. Anything I have tried since the breakup, I have felt guilty for doing so, and: I proceeded OK at first, broke the ice fine, but then inevitably I said/wrote/did the wrong thing at the wrong time and they stopped talking to me. I have only tried online dating because I fear doing so in person, and have a job where the social circle is basically set in stone. Most recently, I was almost pulled into an online dating scam - then I said enough is enough, and have stopped trying at all.

    Rather than be just venting, I have some honest questions. I had weird reactions when we were together, that I couldn't really understand and no one ever explained to me properly- mostly but not entirely in the last year together. The things that were the strangest were: At times, we would go out, and I would have 'brain freezes' - I would forget where we were going, what direction to take, frequently got lost, didn't make proper plans, etc - this was when traveling so a new place, but still. I had periods where I felt extremely tired, suddenly and for no reason, it would just hit me - I was walking, but felt like I could just fall asleep right there, for no good reason, after lots of sleep and not drinking, no coffee etc. She would tell me things that I would forget right away, not because I was being rude or anything but I just did, or I would do strange and embarrassing things when we were in public, such as clam up when talking to servers, accidentally dropping things in a restaurant, etc. And the list goes on.

    I truly regret what happened. It's hard to explain to someone that I didn't do these things on purpose, that they just happened, because that sounds like a bad excuse, but they did. I don't know if this is anxiety, or something else. I have zero prospects in the immediate future, and when/if I do meet another person kind enough to consider me, something what happened before will inevitably happen. I sometimes lie awake at night, wondering when/if I will even go on another date again, while many of my friends have long-term relationships, or are married and/or have families by now. Overall, I have a very interesting life. I travel frequently, have a great career direction, am quite sociable, sophisticated, creative and intelligent. Just when it comes to relationships I have mostly failed, and it is difficult to be optimistic and to expect a different result the next time. It seems in this aspect of life I have had very little luck, and that women just do not 'get' me, or I them, or both. At some point it seems logical to just give up, but that is a depressing thought, too. Thank you for any advice, coping ideas, etc.

     
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    Old 10-31-2017, 10:53 AM   #2
    renko
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    Re: Anxiety ruining relationships

    Hi I don't know how old you are or if you have ever been married but I just wanted to let you know that there is always hope and I went through a relationship in the last year and met him online and had very good qualities but there were some things that I didn't feel were compatible with me and he had a hard time sharing his feelings. Anyway, I wanted to you tell you two important things, one is go to a doctor or neurologist to make sure there is nothing physically wrong with your motor skills and two if you can find a good therapist or counselor to share your fears and anxieties. I found a therapist finally that said that I have gone through many traumas in my life and it affects my relationships at times. I have a few good friends that I can talk to and cry with. Do you have friends you can talk to or a faith? It is so important that you don't isolate yourself and be careful with online dating. So many are not truthful or far away or just plain scams. I wrote to some men who were not what they portrayed in their picture or in their profiles. I gave them up because I want to meet a person face to face. It is scary but first you have to find things you and the other person have common interests and become friends first. I am very open to meeting someone but not just anyone. Anxiety and fear can cause us to become forgetful or be clumsy and mess up. I found that I am directionally challenged and that a GPS has been great for me finding directions. I hope these ideas give you hope. You can always write to me via this medium if you want. Take care and best wishes. Don't forget there is always hope.

     
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