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  • Would you be able to stop worrying and forgive yourself?



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    Old 12-17-2017, 05:27 PM   #1
    Hopeful Warrior
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    Unhappy Would you be able to stop worrying and forgive yourself?

    I am new to this message board. I am glad this message board exists. I don't have many people to talk to.I hope everyone is doing ok.

    There is an issue that worries me and makes me feel like a terrible person. I want to mention a little background though. A while ago, I had a very stressful job. The anxiety disorder and the really stressful job were hard to manage at times. I was also very lonely. I did not have any close friends and had really tried to become friends with two people at work, but it did not work out.It is hard for me to meet people I feel like I connect with so it was harder to take. We got along but they didn't really want a friendship out of work.

    I had other stressors going on and I was very sick when the issue that worries me happened ( I will mention the issue after this paragraph). If I remember correctly, I also had my period, which makes my anxiety (general anxiety and social anxiety) and brain fog even worse.I don't know if any of this even contributed to my lack of action but I have been trying to figure out why I didn't react to what happened and why I was basically fighting with my thoughts on what to do.

    One day after work, I was carpooling with co-workers. The driver stopped the car and asked, "I wonder what happened?" When I looked out the window, there was a little girl crying angrily in front of a house. Before I saw her, I assumed a baby was having a tantrum.

    I wondered why she was by herself and why she was crying. I started thinking about how I have seen children that seem smaller than her on the bus by themselves or going to school by themselves so maybe I should not worry?She and the other children looked very little...maybe 5 or 6, but I might not be right. Even though it worried me to see her by herself and not know what she was crying about, I was not able to make myself ask to be let out of the car so that I can ask if she needed help.

    The driver just stopped the car and watched the girl. I fought with myself for a while and I remember 2 times thinking "this is it, I am going to go out there and see what is happening just in case she needs help." When I thought that, my mind immediately thought, "no,no,no,no" Then I would start thinking "she is fine" or that I might cause an issue if I intervene. I was hoping that my coworkers would do something but I couldn't even express to them how I felt and I thought I might be overreacting since they weren't doing anything but at the same time I thought "we should do something in case she needs help" and "I will worry about this forever if we don't make sure she is ok."

    With all that mental mess, I was unable to utter a word and took no action. The girl stopped crying and started walking away angrily, she then ran around the corner. I was hoping she was going to her house.

    I have gotten a lot better and cannot imagine having all those thoughts going through my head preventing me from taking action. I cannot imagine ignoring my feelings of wanting to make sure a child is ok and ignoring the fact that I know I will worry forever.

    I feel so selfish and careless. I feel angry at myself for not trying more to ignore my strange thoughts and to go out there and see what may be happening.I worry something happened to her (like if she ended up missing or hurt...or worse) and feel like it was partially my fault for not making sure she was ok.

    Would you be able to get past something like this?

     
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    Old 12-18-2017, 04:47 AM   #2
    MSNik
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    Re: Would you be able to stop worrying and forgive yourself?

    Hi there. I dont think you have a choice, you have to get past it. What is done (or not done) is done.

    Nowadays, if you get involved in a family issue or try to help a minor child, it can come back to bite you- as people do not always appreciate help. As you rightly thought, it might have caused more problems.

    You were not the only one in the car that day. It appears that no one else thought to get out and do anything either. Why don't you talk to your colleagues and ask them if they ever think about the little girl and what their take is on the situation? It might help to know you are not alone.

    In the meantime, there really is nothing at all you can do. Resolve yourself to accept this. If you pray, send a prayer her way that she is okay and think about how you would handle the situation if there is a next time..that is all you can do.

    Remember that little kids cry when they drop their gum on the ground. They cry when they dont have a turn at hopskotch or if they think they are right when arguing with friends. You have no way of knowing if this was a serious situation or if it was simply kids being kids...try not to dwell any further as you will never know. All you can do is prepare yourself for how you would handle it if you every encountered a similar situation...thats all any of us could do.
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