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    Old 02-06-2018, 09:33 AM   #1
    Mickeytoo
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    Unhappy My anxiety seems worse in winter

    Hello everyone,

    I am struggling with a serious bout of anxiety this winter. I just turned 45 years old and I have been worrying about my health and having some death anxiety lately. I just had a check up and all of my vitals my cholesterol blood pressure and blood sugar levels were normal but I'm still worried. Lately I have been worrying about having an aneurysm or a cancer and it's driving me crazy. I also worry about blood clots traveling up to my head or heart killing me suddenly.

    I was triggered by the flu child deaths and some other shows. Mind you, I got flu shots for me and my kids in October but I still freaked out. My death anxiety got really bad after watching a PBS show about the past and I freaked out about not existing anymore and how young my children are. I realized that at 45 I was closer to 50 and just snapped. I started freaking out and crying and wanting to escape. I know I can't escape death. I just don't want to feel so much anxiety over it and worrying about my children dying. I ended up at th ER with a mask over my face and diagnosed GAD.

    I am going through a few things. My youngest just started kindergarten this year and I have been a stay at home mother for over ten years. Since they have been in school I found myself often alone. My father is slowly dying of vascular dementi/Alz after having numerous strokes from not taking his meds diabetes and high pressure. I felt as though I was dealing ok with that but I guess I'm not.

    I do tend to feel a little better in the spring but I am having a hard time now. I am citalpram 10mg for another week and then go up 20 mg. I am also taking .25 mg xanax. I was given .5 but I cut it in half. Right now, my house is a mess and I have no appetite. I have force myself to eat. I've lost at least 8 pounds in the last two weeks. I feel so vulnerable and needy right now. I am trying to keep it together for my kids. I just want feel better.

    Sorry this so long. Thanks for listening though. Is anyone else going through this. What is helping you?

     
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    Old 02-07-2018, 08:19 AM   #2
    yayagirl
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    re: My anxiety seems worse in winter

    Dear Mickeytoo,

    First, let me suggest that you exchange your present light bulbs for the 'true color' or 'full spectrum' light bulbs. Hardware stores can show you where they are. At least use those by your bed or where you read. I use them throughout the whole house, because I like to see the true color of things, plus we need those light waves to avoid depression in winter. Honey, one can not be optimistic if we only sit and watch TV. If you do watch it, at least watch the house renovation shows or something more upbeat and constructive.

    I can empathize with how it feels when life moves on for our children and they are growing up and will soon be moving on. I was a stay at home mom and the transition of them leaving home once and for all was not easy for me, even though I had a lot of hobbies and interests. Even when we are glad for their growth and accomplishments, they are moving away from us and that doesn't feel good, even though we know it is the healthy, right thing for them to do. We do need to take time to grieve life changes that 'leave us behind'. Have a good cry! It's a tough (and very necessary) part of motherhood.

    DO NOT watch those gruesome, depressing TV shows! Watch uplifting shows or turn the TV off. Listen to happy music. But better yet, get actively involved in doing something. If the weather keeps you housebound, learn to sew and make baby quilts for some charity. Or make quilts for your children to take with when they leave home, out of their outgrown clothes. I know kids that treasure those and still have them as adults.

    We choose what we dwell on. I know it feels like we are trapped, but we aren't. It's us choosing what to dwell on. It seems like you are distracting yourself from your losses and from normal life changes by dwelling on things you cannot predict or change. But that is like digging yourself into a hole. I would go nuts if all I did was sit and dwell on what might someday take my life. There are so many 'possibilities'.

    If all I did was sit home while life moved on for my children and other people, I would be anxious and depressed, myself. I think you really do need to get interests in your own life that are not directly connected to your children or your health. Look around your home and see what needs done, then do it. Busy yourself.

    You took care of yourself before you had children, and took care of your children before they began school, so now get up, wash your face and take care of them while they are at school. They need a sane mother and a clean home to come back to; a mother that models for them how to take care of herself and her home and be a productive person.

    Take some "B 100" vitamins for your nerves. Most everyone is depleted of that vitamin, and it is needed in order to have balanced emotions. It is not a drug, but it does make a profound change within a week or two. it is inexpensive and available at most drug stores. Medical drugs do not create healthy emotions or mental state. Those drugs squelch emotions. We have healthy emotions by eating right, thinking truth (not fearful ideas), and taking care of our responsibilities.

    Another thing is that you need adult friends. Living for our kids does NOT fulfill ladies. Talk to some other middle age gals. Start a quilting group. Or go to a Bible study. take a class at a junior college. Learn to knit or crochet.

    All healthy children grow up, move out and move on. Likewise, while they grow up and are moving on, we need to model healthy living to them and take care of our own selves. We don't want them to grow up and make the same mistakes we make, right?

    C'mon dear. get it together, clean yourself up, get dressed, clean the house, bake some cookies, and do your shopping for the week. There are cobwebs and dust building up, clothes that need washed and/or mended. Friends that could use a phone call and 'Hi how are you, I was thinking about you today'.

    You know what to do sweetie.
    You didn't waste your life with the children, and you now have more free time to think about your own hopes and dreams and do something about them.

    Much love,
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    ~ YaYa ~

    Last edited by yayagirl; 02-07-2018 at 08:24 AM.

     
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    Old 02-07-2018, 08:57 AM   #3
    Mickeytoo
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    re: My anxiety seems worse in winter

    Thank you for the encouragement. It has been hard for the last two or three weeks. I was ok up until then. I suffer from seasonal depression and anxiety and I wanted to tough it out this year. I had a little bit of the blues through the holidays but was hanging on but went off the deep end. It has been hard for me to make a lot of friends where I am but I am trying. I decided to try and get a part-time job and I am hoping that will help me some. I am seeing a therapist to help me with my thinking.

    Thank you so much Yayagirl!

     
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    Old 02-07-2018, 09:07 AM   #4
    yayagirl
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    re: My anxiety seems worse in winter

    You're very welcome, Mickeytoo!

    Listen, the dreary winter days are hard on a lot of people. Do get some full spectrum light bulbs. You no longer have to tough it out. It is a small investment for a huge difference. Even our dogs are depressed without them during the winter, but I use them all year.

    I am disabled and cannot get out much, myself. I miss my grown kids, and grandkids that live in other states. My husband just took a full time job.
    To me that means I have to occupy my self.

    Just do not sit and watch those scary, depressing TV shows. Get an exercise machine if you can't get out and walk or go to a gym. Take care of yourself! You are worth it!

    Love,
    __________________
    ~ YaYa ~

    Last edited by yayagirl; 02-07-2018 at 09:07 AM.

     
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    Old 03-02-2018, 03:05 PM   #5
    Mariabbb
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    re: My anxiety seems worse in winter

    I feel like my anxiety and depression are both worse during the winter. When the roads are snowy or icy I am super anxious and grip the steering wheel as if I was holding on for dear life. I can hardly go out when it's snowy or icy. I always panic that my furnace is going to go out and that I'll have nowhere to go until its repaired. Then I panic about how much it will cost to repair a furnace.

    Anxiety is a terrible thing. Coupled with depression, it's almost too much.

     
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