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  • Anxiety gagging

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    Old 04-15-2018, 12:36 AM   #1
    Join Date: Apr 2018
    Posts: 1
    Tomatoo HB User
    Anxiety gagging

    I'm currently 18 and had social anxiety/general for over 4 years now and about 6 months ago I was at a restaurant on a trip with my family and my nerves were hitting me hard and as I tried to eat (I didn't eat breakfast and it was around 1:00pm) I took a bite out of my burger and suddenly gagged from being anxious and not having an appitite so I chugged my drink which washed it down cause I obviously didn't wanna spit it out around ppl who were eating. After that day I've been having constant gagging problems which I know are because of my anxiety I'm taking sertraline 100mg or was because I stopped taking it after I graduated high school in the summer and now I don't have insurance. Now fast forward to current times this problem has gotten worse I can't go out side I can't even be near my family like my mom cause then I worry about gagging I haven't left the house in 4 months and those time is because I had no choice and was forced too. Now thinking about it I haven't left my house in almost a year. My dad keeps yelling at me too get a job but I know I will get fired for having these problems get in the way so I have been making excuses

    I'm at the worst part of my life. I wanna stop worrying!

    Overall idk what too do anymore. I can't even go to the doctor or talk on the phone as the days fly by.

    Last edited by Administrator; 04-15-2018 at 05:53 AM.

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    Old 04-15-2018, 06:48 AM   #2
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    yayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB User
    Talking Re: Anxiety gagging

    Dear Tomatoo,

    I love your name!
    I can really relate to what you shared. Do you remember when your fears began...what happened way back then? Is one or both of of your parents a rage-aholic and impatient? whatever problems others may express toward you are about them, not about you. Yes, we have our own problems, but we need to begin to see what is my problem and what is someone else's. Then we see we are not so different than others (we all have weakness) and we can stop feeling so isolated, alone and afraid to live. The beauty of this is, we can learn to parent our own selves. It's called self-control. I think we all have to learn this on our own as individuals. You seem right on time.

    I will share a bit about myself. I felt protected by my dad, then he died when i was only five. My mother was left with many children and enough insurance money, but out of fear she reverted back to her very poor childhood and couldn't spend the money, so I grew up as a growing child with one pair of shoes for school all year, which of course wore out and I outgrew them. I'm just explaining that my parents were not able to take care of or protect me. I remember seeing a man looking into my bedroom window one night, then I began wetting the bed because I was afraid to get out of bed at night. No one understood and of course my mother was upset and angry. My life began to be a train wreck that I could not face or understand. It seemed like everyone else had power to live and I was the one odd person out. I began to have an eating disorder as I thought I saw bad stuff in the food. My thought life tainted everything good in life, so I was frozen, unable to fully participate. I 'lived' deeply inside of my self, and was terrified to come out in fear I would draw attention to myself and everyone would know who I was inside. I felt ugly and undesirable; I have read that no one hates her/his own self. But, yes, I sure did! And I began acting out and doing bad things out of my self hate and anger. Outside I just looked like a pathetic kid. Inside I had become extremely self-destructive.

    Fast forward many, many years later, with two children, one out of a failed marriage because I chose to go with a messed up guy and another child out of wedlock; some people at a church had been praying for young people and I was one of the ones that was mysteriously drawn there, they loved on me and my children, and I prayed on my own and turned to God for His help and I did get help. I got wonderful doctors and one psychologist in particular treated me like a normal person which astonished me, and he told me yes I was completely normal for the things I had been through. That amazed me, and what this truth did was set me free to begin taking care of myself and to begin being able to eat and enjoy my own life.

    My life did not become perfect, and still is not close to perfect, but I was able to go get a job on my own and began reading a lot of good helpful books and getting psychological help and eventually I did realize I am free to just be myself. All of my growing out of the fears from the past has been just that, growing. Facing who I was and some things I had chosen or that were done to me was not easy. But I knew that to get of sound mind I had no choice but to turn around and face my self. None can do it for us.

    Honey you are not the boogeyman. But you have been afraid to be who you are. You are so much more than your emotions. Emotions are not meant to be hung on to. We need to acknowledge them, then let them go. Emotions constantly change. When try to hold them inside that's when they cripple us. I suggest that you take a walk where you are alone and take a stick and hit a rock. Or, you can write on paper, "I hate this" as many times as you like. The idea is to let the tension out of your body. Hanging onto fear and self-loathing is what eats us alive. No outside force controls this...we can take charge of ourselves.

    I didn't know or believe that until that kindly psychologist showed me that we are all basically the same inside. We all have fears, problems in life and self-doubt.

    Regardless their faults, and we all have many, your parents want you to be able to step out and become self-supporting. They know they can't be there to take care of you all of your life. They want the best for you, regardless their mistakes. They want you to heal. They just have no power to do it for you.

    There is not one person that does not have inner struggles and fear. Now, some in my family appeared real bold but they made decisions that messed up their lives and their kid's lives too, in many ways.

    Hon, you are so not alone in your fears. If you can believe this even a little you will be able to begin to relax and allow yourself space for normal emotions and be able to stop allowing emotions to control your decisions. Take a walk. Walk to the mail box and walk back. Look at the sky, and your surroundings. Get some paper and write what you saw. The only one you need to impress is yourself. Take a look at what needs to be done. wash dishes for your parents. Make toast for yourself. Make your bed, put a load of clothes in the washer or take them out of the dryer and fold them. This is what life and a job is. It's tasks, and it is not scary. It's doable.

    Begin doing and you will become more comfortable just 'being'. I write this to you out of personal experience, from one fraidy-cat to another.
    ~ YaYa ~

    Last edited by yayagirl; 04-15-2018 at 06:56 AM.

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