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  • Anxious about relationship and unable to trust.

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    Old 05-21-2018, 09:59 PM   #1
    Join Date: May 2018
    Posts: 1
    everchanging HB User
    Anxious about relationship and unable to trust.

    Hi Everyone, this is my first post here.

    I am writing this because I feel like I am in a unhealthy relationship. I am constantly anxious and feel as though I am being taken advantage of. I am 30 years old and have never been in a relationship like this, one that I have actually committed too. I feel my partner is distancing herself from me, and no longer has any time for me. She has tried to leave me on many occasions and I have fought for her back, however it seems now as though there is nothing left, from her not me.

    I am unable to leave her, as she has become my rock. She is all I have, partner and friend and without her I am extremely lonely. This causes me to act irrationally and act out on my emotions and feelings. I feel like I am constantly chasing her, and she is no longer willing to give the affection or love that was once there.

    With that said, we have a rocky past and I am an recovering alcoholic with a rather bad track record regarding women and trust. I have cheated on her once when we first met but have never done wrong by her since. I have always been there for her when she is in need, however feel that when the table is turned it is a inconvenience for her to be there for me, like its a hassle.

    She has also said, if I want to leave her to man up and just leave her. But for some reason I am unable to do it. I guess because I will be lonely and left with nothing. I have come a long way as far as my drinking goes and also the way i see life, the way I treat and care for others but I cannot for some reason trust this women, though I have never caught her lying to me. She still shows small signs of affection by sending me meaningful images of her with her new born nephew, however still I feel like there is something deeper going on.

    She is very hard to contact these days, she makes very little time for me, yet she still claims to be in a committed relationship with me and to remain loyal to me, im guessing so I dont find anyone else. Is this fair?

    She has asked that I be very open and honest with her, which I am trying but it seems in doing so she is just much more upset with the actions, kind of leaving me confused.

    There is obviously more to this story, and for me the bigger issue here is not her or this relationship, its with myself and how I deal with my emotions and feelings. I want to be stronger and more independent.

    I am looking into mens groups. I need to find some independence and structure in my life. I have put so much effort into this relationship I feel like it has taken every last remaining piece out of me.

    Your thoughts?

    Thank You!

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    Old 05-22-2018, 08:11 AM   #2
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    JohnR41 HB UserJohnR41 HB UserJohnR41 HB UserJohnR41 HB UserJohnR41 HB UserJohnR41 HB UserJohnR41 HB UserJohnR41 HB UserJohnR41 HB UserJohnR41 HB UserJohnR41 HB User
    Re: Anxious about relationship and unable to trust.

    Here's something you can try: Look into the benefits of meditation. Here are some of them.

    * Helps relieve stress and anxiety
    * Helps concentration
    * Helps with self-control
    * Helps establish a happier mood
    * Helps you to be more self-aware
    * Has benefits for the heart and immune system

    Essentially, you just need to find a quiet place to sit. Then you clear your mind of thoughts and worries about the past and thoughts or worries about the future. You just concentrate on your breathing. To start with, 5 or 10 minutes will do. If you find your mind wandering and thinking about your problems, just go back to concentrating on your breathing.

    It takes a lot of practice to get good at it. It's not a quick fix but it will pay off in the long run if you stick to it. Eventually, you might do it for a half hour or even longer.

    Brain scans of (experienced) long time meditators actually show physical improvements to the brain.

    Best of all, it doesn't cost anything. It's FREE!

    Last edited by JohnR41; 05-22-2018 at 08:18 AM. Reason: Added a thought

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    Old 05-22-2018, 09:30 AM   #3
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    Location: Winnipeg, Canada
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    quincy HB Userquincy HB Userquincy HB Userquincy HB Userquincy HB Userquincy HB Userquincy HB Userquincy HB Userquincy HB Userquincy HB Userquincy HB User
    Re: Anxious about relationship and unable to trust.

    Seems you both are enablers and codependant and using each other in a very unhealthy way.

    Seek therapy to learn how to be responsible and accept the role you play in the manipulation of your partner and recognise her inability to not be responsible for your unhappjness.

    Your decision to move on is yours alone. She as well should seek therapy, for she will probably end up on a same situation again....being needed and manipulated.

    It's all a matter of perspective!
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    Last edited by quincy; 05-22-2018 at 09:33 AM.

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