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    Old 09-11-2018, 08:24 AM   #1
    johnpage66
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    Hi,
    My name is John. I have been having SEVERE anxiety and stress for the last 7 months so let me tell you my story. My Daughter was born in 2001 with Spina Bifida. She had over 50 surgeries and sadly passed away in 2010 at 8 years old. She fought every day of her life and did it all with a smile. I never once saw her throw a temper tantrum or even get mad.She was my life. When she died I was so lost for so long. I cried every day for 7 years, blamed myself all that time. She left behind a Brother who was only 5 and a half months old.

    My Mom passed away in 2013 and my Father in law in 2014. We wound up in my Moms house a year ago. She had left it to my Neice who rented it and left it trashed. When I say trashed I mean to the tune of 8 huge dumpsters. So there was/is a lot of stress here considering that and the fact my Mother died here.

    My Daughter died a wrongful death which we have settled and are waiting for the big check so we can move from here. We know it is not a good place for us to be at all.

    My anxiety problem started when the Lawyers called to tell us we were going to settle. My Wife has the same issues as I do just so you know starting the same time.

    It began with the usual anxiety and feeling like you can't breathe. Well my Mom died from a lung disease so that instantly got into my head as I am a smoker trying to quit. It went away then came back with more Lawyer stress. I went to the ER was diagnosed with severe anxiety/stress. This has been going on all summer. I could load those dumpsters no problem but when my mind isn't occupied I'm back to anxiety.

    Then one night I started to manual breathe and that scared me. Now whenever the anxiety and stress gets bad I start to manual breathe. That of course makes me more anxious. I will have a few good days then it is back. The closer we got to the end of lawyers the worse it has gotten. I get the usual anxiety symptoms and all it takes to set manual breathing off is being a bit short of breath or something silly. I can't sleep and fear going bed because I'm afraid I will manual breathe When I am busy my body of course breathes as it should.

    I am so sick of all of this and being scared all the time. I am trying to find mental health help but in my area there isn't much. I know it all come from my head but I feel like I'm just going crazy most days......it sure has been a hard road.....

     
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    Old 09-11-2018, 09:37 AM   #2
    Irishdaughter
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    Re: New member

    What do you mean by "manual breathing?

     
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    Old 09-11-2018, 11:37 AM   #3
    johnpage66
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Irishdaughter View Post
    What do you mean by "manual breathing?


    Manual breathing means conscious breathing. You control your breathing instead of it being automatic.

     
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    Old 09-11-2018, 12:52 PM   #4
    yayagirl
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    Dear john,

    That is a LOT to deal with!
    I am so sorry! I think anyone would have anxiety.

    It seems like you didn't fully deal with each trauma before more trauma was added. Is this what you are saying?

    Hon, I don't know what you mean by manual breathing. But I know from experience that you need to take SLOW, deliberately SLOW breaths or else you are hyperventilating, which creates more anxiety.

    When that tight feeling starts in your chest, stop what you are doing and pay attention to your body. Breath in as slowly as possible, then breathe out as slowly as possible.

    You can make it a habit to control your breathing. No one else can do it for you. YOU CAN DO THIS.

    Breathing is one thing in life that you can control.
    And for the other trauma, hon, you need to learn to shut the door on the past and let it go. Do your grieving over the losses. Let grief out whenever it comes up. Don't hold it in. Go be by yourself and cry if need be. That's fine.

    It does get easier over time. I won't go into all of my trauma and losses. I can only share that I am 69 now and life has been quite harsh in many ways. Nowadays I don't look back. I look forward to today, and tomorrow has enough trouble of it's own so I don't dwell on what 'might' happen.

    You can practice this, too. It just takes practice. You alone can decide what to dwell on.

    Love,
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    Last edited by yayagirl; 09-11-2018 at 12:53 PM.

     
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    Old 09-11-2018, 03:42 PM   #5
    Irishdaughter
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    Hyperventilating has terrible effects on the mind and body - I know as I've done it all my life and I'm 74.

    I still have a devil of a time trying to control it (mouth breathing) as it crops up whenever I'm anxious which is about 75% of the time.

    How we breathe is critical - so many people don't understand it.

    Keep your mouth closed when you breathe and when you do breathe slow and easy, observe your lower abdomen slowly rising and falling.

    Last edited by Administrator; 09-12-2018 at 08:08 AM.

     
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    Old 09-11-2018, 05:19 PM   #6
    johnpage66
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    You are right, I don't deal with each trauma. All the trauma was so close together. Watching my Daughter go through so much was beyond words. It has always been one thing after the other so I expect the worst. The manual breathing is like holding your breath but it causes problems. It is hard to describe. It is a vicious cycle. I thank you for your kind words, they mean a lot.

     
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    Old 09-11-2018, 05:48 PM   #7
    MSNik
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    Johnpage,

    I am truly sorry that you have had so much thrown at you. Being anxious is understandable. I do know what manual breathing is- and its scary. I have seen others go through this. In order to get through this, you need to alleviate the anxiety and remember that breathing is something you CAN control...but its mind over matter and not so easy to do.

    There may not be allot of mental health facilities near you but any doctor can prescribe an antianxiety medication for you. Do you have a good family doctor who can at least help get you on something to assist you with getting through this? Obviously, counseling is probably a good thing to consider; but while you are working on finding that- get some medical assistance with helping the anxiety. You could even look into less traditional medicine by visiting a health food store- they may have some suggestions.

    Exercise is really good for reducing the cortisol- the hormone which makes us anxious as well. Try to find time for long walks or working out in a gym- shooting hoops or even hiking- whatever you like to do...and take your wife with you. Don't talk about your issues, but try to find neutral things to talk about- you guys need some down time together which isnt stressful.

    I hope you find peace. Ill be thinking of you.
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    Old 09-11-2018, 06:42 PM   #8
    johnpage66
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    Thank you for the thoughts. I did find a Doctor and have an appointment this Thursday so I will let you know how that goes and what she gives me. I can overcome this but we need to get this lawsuit done and move forward. I should not my family is from this area but only one Brother talks to me, and my Dad for some reason washed his hands of me etc. That makes it tougher to be around here. Again thank you everybody for responding, it means a lot to know I am not alone.

     
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    Old 09-12-2018, 07:13 AM   #9
    yayagirl
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    Dear johnpage, nope you are definitely not alone.
    Legal matters really can be slow and tedious. Try to shrug that off. Do some physical activity to work the stress off.

    Sometimes extended family members are just too close to the issues and are full of their own struggles & emotions so that they have nothing to give. Try to not take it personally when family is distant or non-responsive. That's just how they are coping. Don't take it personally. The fact is that where others are at is about them, not about you.

    I used to feel very isolated within my family of origin until I began recognizing their pain and struggles. I saw that emotionally they didn't have much to give. I quit looking for them to support me in any manner and I chose to begin being there for them, when I was able. Not that I was able to be there for them much either, back then. Now I still don't expect anything from them, but am not any longer troubled by it. In fact I have been very pleasantly surprised which ones have been there for me since I quit letting it bother me.

    Your extended family obviously has their own problems. Just take care of yourself and your own life issues. Dealing with legal issues is very stressful. Can you get some counseling or in a support group while you go through this troubling time?
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    Last edited by yayagirl; 09-12-2018 at 07:16 AM.

     
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    Old 09-12-2018, 07:17 AM   #10
    johnpage66
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    My family is very self centered so I try not to worry about them. I have an appointment tomorrow with a shrink so we can get this under control. Thank you for taking the time to reply, it means a lot knowing I'm not alone...

     
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