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  • Paranoia borderline psychosis?

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    Old 07-29-2020, 06:36 PM   #1
    Brad66s's Avatar
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    Brad66s HB User
    Paranoia borderline psychosis?

    Hi, I am having some pretty uncomfortable paranoia coming up after ending a very close relationship and im really struggling dealing with it moving forward and it is beginning to significantly impact my life in a negative way.

    My friend and I have recently ended our friendship. A very big history and the girl who truly saved my life from addiction. The damage feels as though it is too much to ever resolve and I have let go as has she I believe. I have relapsed countless times while we were in a very close friendship and ive seen the damage it has caused looking directly into her eyes as the pain very apparent in her! The relationship has been that of a very rocky one, why a lot of arguing and verbally abusive and I almost feel like it has been emotionally abusive from her side. I feel like he has deliberately built me up to break me down, and knew the whole time that I was in love with her and deliberately lead me on. I dont want to go into the relationship itself as I could write a 400 page book about it, but rather the impact that it is now having on my mental state.

    I am facing some pretty serious paranoia. This paranoia is actually starting to impact other relationships in my life. She introduced me to her sister and her sisters partner about 3 years ago, and now have a 2 year old son whom I get on very well with, along with the parents. However I truly believe that they are working against me to emotionally manipulate me.

    I believe they are spying on my internet in ways or possibly have access to my ******** account, which has just about access to everything including my tinder and all other internet dating apps. I have met a girl and have been talking to her and the things she says have too many similarities to my journey with my friend.

    She says she had a ex boyfriend that was an alcoholic, who cheated and lied and was a dick! And she said never try to save anyone and that she "saved herself" whatever that means. Basically all the same stuff my friend said towards the end of out friendship. She has also said other things like "stop overthinking" and so many other similar comments that it draws extreme suspicion that she may somehow have a connection to my friend or someone she knows.

    She also had some penetration testers stay at her house before lock down. She was running a air bnb and they were a couple, both highly qualified in hacking! Who knows what they could have done and that also raises a lot of suspicion.

    Her comments also make me question her intentions a lot. She says things to make it clear that she doesn't care about our "friendship" or whatever you would label it as. She says things like "people come and go out of your life all the time" and "I dont need you anymore" "we always had a connection". I always felt like the relationship was a constant competition, like we were competing with each other to see who could be the biggest dick!

    One other thing to mention is prior to the relationship ending, she came down to me just after lock down in tears and absolutely hysterical saying her friends did not want to see her and she felt she had lost weight and wanted to reconnect with her friends however they didnt want to or something. I comforted her and we went out for dinner and out for the night, 2 days later she is out every night with a new guy she says she has met, and is "just a friend".

    I'm not sure what to do moving forward. Our last conversation I basically told her that we could not remain friends as she kept attempting to reach out to me to play guitar and sing with me and play squash with me but the friendship dynamic is different now. We are a lot more distant and she seems to be ok with that. I would also like to put things behind me and move on, find a new girl and do it all again but the paranoia is really hampering these efforts and I am super uncomfortable trusting anyone. The girl im currently talking to I get super anxious when she doesnt message back for periods of time.

    Thanks for taking the time to read.

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