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    Old 04-23-2004, 01:55 PM   #1
    fletch33's Avatar
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    Talking It gets better

    I just typed a Huge posting and when I hit submit it never posted and said to select board area. The write up I did took 30 minutes. I will only repost if someone need or wants to read my background AND this board does not glitch all the time!!!!

    It was a waste of time for me unfortunately and would have been helpful for you... I will not let it deter me

    Basically I am recovered and I am posting on here to help others in despair know someone has been there and it does get better.

    I will retype my story if anyone wants me to


    Last edited by fletch33; 04-23-2004 at 01:56 PM. Reason: spelling

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    Old 04-23-2004, 02:32 PM   #2
    Lucieanna's Avatar
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    Re: It gets better

    if you could that would be a big help, thanks

    Old 04-23-2004, 03:00 PM   #3
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    Re: It gets better

    OK I will make it shorter than I could make it. I can type about myself for ever.

    Anxiety really started in my life while I was in the last year of the Marine Corps. I remember the first Anxiety attacke that I had ever had. We were watching the begining of Mission Impossible 2. I had to get out of there. I told my fiencee that we had to go and I just kept walking to the car. She cam up and we went to the Hospital. Man it felt weird. Tingly and hard to breath. Once there I was told I had a heart palpatation. They gave me beta blockers and a few hours later they sent me home.
    About a week later I was watching the tv and had a full blown attack. Whew the things and emotions you remember when going through one of those. Well I took a beta blocker and nothing happened, except fatigue put me to sleep and I fel fine the next day. A week later I was worring in my shop and a few of my guys said I had blueinsh/purple eye sockets. I went to the doctor, no problems.
    Well I came back home to the chicago land area from North Carolina. That was a fun drive I was stressed to the max and had a 20 hour car trip that took 44 hours to do. Constant stopping and breathing shallow were some of my problems.
    Once home I started to have more attacks and started going to the ER alot. Once they gave me Xanax and I took it home but was afraid to take it because of what it would do to me.
    Finally saw a family doctor and he gave me wellbutrin, that followed with a month of being sick from it. Dizzy, upset stomache, feeling 'hazy' all the time. So he switched me to Paxil. I took paxil for 3 years and hated everyday of it. I realy hated it more when I tried to get off of it. It made me loose my mind in a way. I always felt 'surreal' and living in a fog. Well I had gon to a psychologist and started to get mental therapy. I also say a Psychologist to get me off of the paxil. Man its the worst thing I ever went through.
    PAxil withdrawl for me was so intense that it almost made me feel like I was literally losing my mind. The Psycharist put me on Lexapro. That helped tremendously and stopped the paxil withdrawls. Still made me feel loopy or *****. The lexapro did give me back something I was missing for a long time..... Reality.
    I am now off of lexapro now and will not go back on a med. I dont need it right now in my life. Therapy has helped me realize where alot of the anxiety came from and how to avoid the negative though patter of an anxiety attack. Now I am not saying that everything everyday is coming up roses but it truly is great to be alive.
    I was in this haze trying to avoid anxiety and not dealing with it. Both of my Psyc's helpoed me to realize that it was just to take the edge off and not to live on, so that I could work through the stuff that was causing my to have anxiety attacks.
    The mind is cray isnt it? IT can make you literally feel something in your body that isnt really happening at all. Heh, Iremember when I had some pains in my chest (external Muscle) I though I was having a heart attack and starte dthe worrying panic thoughts that lead to an attack.

    Now I have learned a few thing about my self:
    While I was in that theater I was finishing off a Jumbo Coke and had alot of coffee earlier in that day. This triggered my body to pump the heart faster and I interpereted as something different than it actually was.
    The purplish rings around my eye sockets, No sleep. Try getting out of something structured as that and go into something unstructured and sleep soundly. Also every day in the MC I would down about 3 pots of coffee in the morning time, that does WONDERs for anxiety. Nothing like a good supply of stimulants to get you revved for an anxiety attack.
    Do not deny yourself that you have and anxiety problem. This is the first and best thing that I realized, Yep I have it, now what.
    The best line to remember is to turn you "well what if.....? into (say sarchasticly)"So what if..."
    Live life and dont worry about it, sounds like something we have all heard growing up from elders but they were right.
    LAUGH some more and keep on laughing!

    It is funny to me now but wasnt then about the things I worried about. Like "if I do this they, they will think of me this way," oh no . Not the end of the world.

    Get exersize it helps.

    I have not had an attack for over 9 months now and that is wonderful.
    I now confront my thoughts instead of the what if cycle and impeading doom cycle.

    I could tell you how I do it and save people some worry of their own. I could go on and on and on about how my life has changed and got better but I am in this board to try and help show that even people in the worst places mentally can climb out of it and get better. So much better that you can actually laugh at what used to get you spun so tightly to cause a panic/anxiety attack.

    Never 'Quit'
    Laughs and giggles

    Old 04-23-2004, 05:47 PM   #4
    Join Date: Feb 2004
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    lammys HB User
    Re: It gets better

    It is empowering for me to meet survivors like yourself. Considering I've been this way all of my life this is going to take a lot of hard work and patience to get through, I know! I am sick and tired of feeling like this so now after 22 years I am ready and willing to help myself....I've battled severe health anxiety which only makes me feel like I'm going crazy and misunderstood. I'm tired of feeling like I can't live my life because of the what ifs...what if this muscle tension really is a tumor?... What if this numbness is from an autoimmune disease, etc....thanks for taking the time to re-type (I'm laughing like you said) your story for us! All of your support is GREATLY appreciated!

    Old 04-23-2004, 11:57 PM   #5
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    Re: It gets better

    I am here to let you know that your understanding of being misunderstood is understandable

    Really it will get better. That post is the short of it. I just didnt want to retype for so darned long and then have the server time out again, say la vie

    LA VIE

    Woo hoo, you are on your way, but I see that you have struggled with it for a tad bit longer, but just a tad

    I know about the negative thought patterns that you have with the muscle tightness and thinking its something horrible..... have you ever see your heart beat in your chest? When I got really heavy, 30 pounds ago, I remember seeing it and thinking "oh my god I am having some sort of a problem, my hearts pounding too fast, blahblahblah, no I look down and see it sometimes and think "yep its still working" and then move on to something else....

    Life was created to be fun, don't listen to what the media or scare tactic drug commercials tell you.

    Laughing away again in margaretaville (with out the drinks) :P

    Your supported in hard times

    Old 04-24-2004, 12:27 AM   #6
    lori j
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    Re: It gets better

    fletch, thanks for coming here to try to help others. Many people get better & disappear, I don't blame them in a way, reading some of these posts is depressing, but those who have succeeded and come to help are greatly appreciated.

    Did you do CBT therapy? I have books ordered, they are due here anyday. I also have been on meds for 7 years & then they quit. I have since been on the merry-go-round of trying to find a med that works for me without horrible side effects. This has been going on since last Oct. so basically I am worn down as far as meds...
    Thanks for coming to help others.

    Oh yeah, the heart palps are awful & I never had them in 7 years or before, I am diagnosed with severe depression & developed panic attacks due to withdrawals from two meds I tried. Now I also have a phobia about going to sleep.

    I need all the help I can get. This is NO way to live..Again, thanks.

    Old 04-24-2004, 12:43 AM   #7
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    Re: It gets better

    I understand what you type, really I do. I also know what it feels like while on these type of boards and seeing someone disappear. It worrysome to those who dont need to worry about much more. I can now read these posts and not worry. It took a long time to be able to do ti but I can.
    I dont know what the CBT is?
    Also I stongly agree that the meds are only for support while you figure out what is really the problem. Some its from childhood for other(me) it is something violent or depressing that happened all at once. Anyway it came, the anxiety is there.
    The fact that your body is not responding to the meds is uncomfortable for me to even think about. Yes I hated the surreal feeling that I had while on them but the had their purpose. Being off is a greater feeling, you dont need that crutch. I can understand reading my posts is a cherrful dissapointment to some. They are happy to see one gets out but they are still in. Anxiety ruined me for a while but now I am better and I can give support to those who need/want it. Man it was rough and I am not totally cured as anyone knows, I still have negative thought. I just have learned to recognize them and laugh at them now. When I goto sleep myself at night I worry because that is all tha tI had done it the past. When the weight that was an uncomfortable comfort is gone, it feels weird. I remeber the other night I felt like I stopped breathing, remebered that 'if I could worry about it, it is nothing to worry about'.
    That is my line that I mad up for myself. To some it dosnt make sense but to some it has really helped. Just to realize that you can worry about something bad happening gives some comfort that it isnt happening. If you cant worry about something then is the time to worry (like being nocked unconcious, hit by a car, in surgery, blah blah blah)

    Keep laughing,

    Old 04-24-2004, 01:35 AM   #8
    lori j
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    Re: It gets better

    Fletch, CBT is cognitive behavioural therapy, which it sounds like you taught yourself. From what I understand, it teaches you how to rationalize the negative thoughts & how to deal with them. I think people can use the meds til the therapy starts to work, some cannot do the therapy without being on meds to calm them enough to concentrate, so that is my plan. I was on meds that worked for 7 years, but now it is trial & error & the more I think about it, this is just going to happen again, even if I find a med that works, it will eventually give out & then I'll be back on the merry-go-round of trying to find another. I've been at this since Oct. that's a long time & it wears you down.
    I try to help people with back problems, even though mine is much better, I know we need people who can handle coming back to help. I think you're recovery gives us all hope, that's what we need. Thanks again.

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