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Help me!

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Old 08-09-2004, 05:47 PM   #1
Ray F
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 1
Ray F HB User
Help me!

Hey guys,

I have a very difficult situation on my hands.

My girlfreind of two years who i love more than life itself split up with me 5 days ago. She suffers from Generalized Anxiety disorder. I have a history of Obsessive Compulsive Dissrder and have difficulty handling stress well.

Hence my high stress level over the last 6 months due to school and the greater frequency of my tendacy to be irritated by little problems were so much for her to cope with with GAD. We never fought about big issues and were always kind loving, honest and affectionate to each other.

She thinks that it's over for ever but i have the hardest time with that because i want to help her more than anything. I am generally more stronger willed than her have recently come to terms with handling stress better and have been making slow steady and significant improvemtns as well as getting help to doing so unfortunatly it was too little too late and the time she spent away from me on vacation made her realize that a relationship was so stressfull for her she left me despite for loving me just as much as ever. And despite the fact that before I left for my trip she said that she honestly had all the faith in the world left in us.

I want to try and convince her to get some medical help and therapy and now that i understand more about her disorder want to try and be as supportive and unpressuring as i can be no matter what it takes. BUt i want her to take me back as well.

I have a few questions

1) she broke up under a high stress period is the GAD the cause and will she be more likely to take me back when things calm down a little? (hence will she "flip" back or is she likely to? Or will it have the opposite effect she'll worry so much about taking me back and suffering even more that she'd NEVEr concider it?

2) Is there some way i can convince her to try and get help without seeming like i'm nitpicking and critisizing her for her problems? thats the LAST thing i want to do!

3) Is there a way for her to cope with her situation and deal with it while still in the relationship if i am supporting enough or is this entierly impossible?

I hope to God everything works out and i hope that regardless she gets help for her problem.


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Old 08-10-2004, 12:10 PM   #2
White Sneakers1
Posts: n/a
Smile Re: Help me!


It’s great that you are making strides in dealing with your stress and anxiety. That’s hard to do, so kudos!

When it comes to many things in life, everyone deals and handles things at their own pace. It’s awesome that you want to support and encourage your ex-girlfriend. Unfortunately you cannot talk anyone into getting help for a problem until they are ready and motivated to see that they need help, for themselves. And sometimes this takes more than a few tries. A person needs to realize their own needs and goals, and get guidance when they are ready for it.

Sometimes, depending on the situation, trying to persuade someone to get personal help can be more of a burden or stressor than looked at as supportive. If the troubled person is overcome with anxiety (or depression), telling them that they need to get help just adds to the confusion of things.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder, like any other mental health concerns, can impact a person’s life in a big way. But it’s not something that a person just “flips” on or into. GAD is always lurking around, getting in the way of feeling normal and relaxed, making decision making difficult, and making the affected person sometimes feels unworthy or not deserving. Your ex-girlfriend’s anxiety issues may be too much for her to handle, so when you add a relationship to that mix, it might be overwhelming. It doesn’t mean that she broke up with you during an intense GAD moment, or will take you back when her anxious feelings are less. She is telling you something important – the relationship is stressful. You need to listen to that. Sometimes a person needs to do what they can in order to relieve the stress where they can. People who have anxiety disorders sometimes “just get by” and have a true need to simply things so they can cope with themselves and the outside world. She is being painfully honest with you and is telling you what she currently needs to do to help herself.

Be a true, good friend to her and don’t push to maintain a romantic relationship with this woman; I know this is hard to hear and will be difficult for you to stick by. But she is obviously in emotional pain and is doing her best to be honest with you about her needs. Anxiety is a very personal thing, and she is probably trying to figure it all out. You can still be supportive by allowing her this space to find her way, and letting her know that you are there for her if she wants to kick around some ideas to help her deal with her issues when she is ready to push forth on them.

And please, continue to work on your own personal goals and strive to find ways to enrich your own life. It sounds like you are forging your own healthy path! Take good care.

Last edited by White Sneakers1; 08-10-2004 at 12:11 PM.

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