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annointed 09-04-2004 07:54 PM

HELP! I'm Suffering From Social Anxiety
Hi, I am in some desperate need. Seriously sad right now. Anyway, this is my short story. Do you guys know that I haven't had a social encounter in
4 years? I haven't gone out with friends in 4 years. Actually, I really don't have friends. I have one really good friend who calls me all the time. Like
5 times a day. Gives me money from time to time and helps me out alot but mostly with encouragement and support.

Even though we are really good friends, I really don't want to see him because of my social anxiety. I fear all the f__king time that people are f__king judging me yo. What the hell is wrong with me? I never used to be like this in high school. I am 34 years old now and my social life SUCKS. I have none. And get this guys, I DREAD GOING OUTSIDE IN PUBLIC. I actually dread it. You know, I do foster care at home on the side and I used to hate to have to take the children outside to the playground. I didn't even do it often like I should because of my social anxiety.

Plenty of times I want to scream out loud BUT I try not FOR FEAR OF PEOPLE HEARING ME AND JUDGING ME ONCE AGAIN. But the funny thing is guys, there are times that I muster up enough courage to just scream out and say help me GOD." FREE ME YAHWEH" Deliver me God" And do you guys know that strangely enough, my anxiety goes away for about
a half an hour. Can you imagine if I mustered up enough courage to shout out to god to help me every time a panic attack came on, I WOULD BE COMPLETLY FREE BY NOW. The problem is, I am afraid of what people might think of me and what they will say about me.

When I am in public, I feel like every frigging body is talking about me or judging me and saying," I hate you" What are you doing here on this earth" Can't you see that you are not wanted here" You are a weirdo"
Nobody loves you" " Nobody will ever love you" Your ugly" You are hideous to look at" That's why I want to get plastic surgery sooooo bad right now. I am desperately saving to have some plastic surgery procedures done on my face. These are the things I feel people are saying in their minds and in their hearts about me. When I am in public, and people look at me, most of the times, I put my head down. And almost always in my mind I am thinking that they are saying," I don't like you. I hate you. When people look at me in public. Most of the times, my heart beats faster, sometimes my head may hurt and I try to make haste to go home.

I stay away from all situations for fear of being judged. Even from my own family I stay away from. I am just all alone. No I take that back. I know that God/Yahweh is with me. But physically, I am all alone. Sometimes I feel
God/Yahweh's presence around me and that helps me out alot too. But then later sometimes it comes back. That's because I get involved with other things like tv and feeling sorry for myself so I put prayer on the back burner. Huh. I don't know anything anymore. All I know is that I need help

Oh, also did I tell you guys that last year I had an abnormal EKG reading and ever since then, I have been referred to the Cardiologist. I've had a
stress treadmill test which came back normal. I've also had a Thalium stress test done with came back abnormal. Anyway my point is that maybe stress and anxiety could have something to do with my possible heart problems. The other day I felt a numbness in my left arm and I went to the emergency room and had a brain cat scan and I was told that my brain cat scan was normal. So I dont' know anymore

And for all inquiring minds who are curious to know, the answer is,
no I am not seeing a therapist for my social anxiety and depression. I used to be seeing one and they put me on Zoloft which made me really sick. Then I had Effexcor, that made me sick too, I've tried Prozac which worked for about 3 months and then stopped working. I've tried Paxil CR which made me the sickest of them all. So I don't know what else the freak to try. I've heard of Wellbutrin but I heard of their sexual side effects and I don't want anything messing with my sexuality becuase I love sex and I love to masturbate which helps me relieve my stress and anxiety. So I don't know what else to do but I know I NEED HELP TO FREE ME FROM THIS
SOCIAL ANXIETY. Any encouragements and comments or questions I will highly appreciate. Afterall, we are here to help each other. Help me please.

dragonballwizard 09-05-2004 05:14 AM

Re: HELP! I'm Suffering From Social Anxiety

I like you have social anxiety. I can relate to alot of what you have stated in your post believe me. The one thing we must remember is that anxiety won't hurt us. I know all the things we feel such as chest pressure, shakey, and so on. There are some good books out there on anxiety.

you said you read some where that wellbutrin has sexual side effects....I am on wellbutrin for the depression part and it has not effected me in anyway when it comes to that in fact it has increased my drive.
But meds can affect people in different ways so what works for me may not work for you.

God bless you

annointed 09-05-2004 10:55 AM

Re: HELP! I'm Suffering From Social Anxiety
Thanks for your reply dragonballwizard and I guess I don't know what to do But maybe I will try this natural remedy to alleviate anxiety. If you would look at my original post, in my post towards the end you will see the word anxiety hyperlinked. If you put your cursor there, it gives you a peek of what that word anxiety is linked to. And it is linked to a website that offers natural remedies to alleviate or rid us of anxiety. I didn't get a look before I clicked reply to you so I will take a look at that website after this reply.

So I am happy to hear that I am not the only one suffereing from social anxiety?

* Where does social anxiety come from?
* How long will you say that you have had social anxiety?
* Do you go outside?
* Do you have friends?
* Are you getting Cognitive Behavioral Thereapy?

All I do all day and everyday is stay home, watch tv. stay on the internet ALL DAY LONG, but I have a very good excuse for that one, I have an online business. But still I shouldn't be on the internet all d_mn day long. You check your account, you check for new members, send and answer emails and get the freak off. Not all dog on day from morning till night. Pathetic. Then I eat, sh_t, and sleep. Pretty pathetic life huh? Anyway I would like to know the answer to the above questions I have asked you. Ok bye

hry33 09-05-2004 12:46 PM

Re: HELP! I'm Suffering From Social Anxiety
you could have soma paranoia, its difficult to tell this apart from social anxiety

really people dont pay much attention to others and I doubt that anyone is actually looking at you at all, try going out at night or early in the morning when not many people are about
see if wearing sunglasses and a hat makes you feel less anxious when out

prozac at a higher dose could be tried and should work again
stay with us :cool:

dragonballwizard 09-05-2004 03:02 PM

Re: HELP! I'm Suffering From Social Anxiety
* Where does social anxiety come from?
I am not sure where social anxiety comes from. I am still learning that myself.

* How long will you say that you have had social anxiety?
I have had it for at least 4-5 years I would say. I spent so much of my life hidding the fact I even had anxiety because I feared being told I was nuts. I also thought it would be embarrassing to bring up to my doctor.

* Do you go outside?
I do go outside. I have to say though, I do my shoping early in the morning when they first open and it has to be a weekday because most people are off at work at those hours and I have less anxiety.

* Do you have friends?
I have friends but they are few. I find it hard to make friends because I think they are going to judge me or I am going to do something to embarrass myself.
I do go to church on sundays but that is hard sometimes to because I have to sit near the exit and I have to sit at the end of the row and I leave just before the pastor finishes so I don't get caught in the crowd.

* Are you getting Cognitive Behavioral Thereapy?
I am working with someone yes. I can't wait to learn the skills I need to cope with this better then I have been. So far I have learned to breath correctly...I tend to hold my breath when I get anxious and that is not good. I have also learned that I do avoidance behavior and you can see from my above statements this is in fact the case.

There is no way your alone in this!!!! Please let me know how you are doing?
God bless you

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