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  • Fear of Dying



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    Old 04-05-2005, 08:38 AM   #1
    mish-el
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    Fear of Dying

    hi all

    i have een suffering from anxiety since october 04 and have found that my symptoms have changed over the past couple of months i started with globus sensation which is where i felt i couldnt get a proper breath i had every test under the sun done and they proved i was fighting fit! my father died nearly two years ago and a house move last august seemed to give the anxiety a start off i am know absolutey petrified of dying evey little twinge and i am concerned i have a major debiliating illness or i am going to die without anyone realising i am ill. i have just started coucilling sessions which are helping and my partner has been great help but i am still seem to be at my doctors surgery every other week.

    has anyone else experienced such symptoms???

    xx

     
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    Old 04-05-2005, 08:58 AM   #2
    Marirose
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    Re: Fear of Dying

    Hi Mishel - I know exactly where you are coming from! Fear of a horrible disease and dying of it has been a major factor in my anxiety problems. I am like you in that I go through periods of focusing in on every little pain, and wondering what terrible illness it is a symptom of. I am still working through this problem myself, but this course of action seems to be helping. I keep a journal, writing down everyday how I feel and what specific thing I am afraid of. It was hard at first, to write it down and force myself to evaluate how I really felt but I find it is turning out to be a big help. When I looked back over my journal for March, I almost laughed at some of the things that I had written that I assure you did not seem funny at the time. For instance, one day I spent two hours splitting wood for my fireplace, and then was anxious because I was having muscle spasms in my back and shoulder. I had to stop myself from researching "back pain" on the internet to see if it could be the herald of some awful illness. Now, weeks later, when I read it, I am seeing the blatantly obvious connection between swinging an ax for two hours and having a sore back. So now I try to remind myself to think logically, and when I can't, I look back over my journal for times when I have gone through similar problems and not fallen over dead. The only other suggestion I have at this point is to try your hardest not to read up on your "symptoms" or aches and pains on the internet or in health care book - you can make yourself crazy! Hope this helps! Best wishes, Marirose

     
    Old 04-05-2005, 10:16 AM   #3
    mish-el
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    Re: Fear of Dying

    it is so good (meant in the nicest possible way) that i am not the only person out there who has these feelings.

    i have just send my boyfriend out to buy me a diary so i can keep a journal of how i feel each day i am sure it will make for interesting reading. at the moment i have convinced myself that i have MS as i have had a tingling sensation for the past 3 days my GP has done some bood tests and says he thinks its being caused by a viral infection related to an ear infection i had in January yet i still thing he is lying to me and my self diagnosis is right. but i go through these stages and each time i promise mysle fi wont do it again but still i do.

    thanks very much for your help. x

     
    Old 04-05-2005, 01:24 PM   #4
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    Re: Fear of Dying

    You and I are soooo much alike! Alot of my anxiety centers around the fact that I never believe my doctor....I mean, I always think it maybe anxiety, but then there HAS to be something more to it. I have been going to see him once every three months, because sometimes it calms me down just to know I have an appt. to see him, and I don't have to go through the "should I call him- shouldn't I?" thing over every little ache and pain that scares me. I just put it in my journal, and then before the appointment, I search through and write down my most troubling "symptoms" and ask my doctor for reassurance about them. There have been times when it has been hard to hang on and wait for the appt., but the more I do it the easier it seems. I have been working on this problem for three months this time (it has flared up and gone away throughout my life), so I also try to consider that if something was seriously wrong with me, I would probably be in a lot worse shape three months down the pike. I also remember one of the worst times was when I convinced myself I had cancer and that was 12 years ago- I had these same ideas, similar symptoms, etc. and I am still here, so maybe I should learn to trust doc. more and self diagnosis (with the help of internet ) less! Keep in touch, Marirose

     
    Old 04-06-2005, 08:22 AM   #5
    mish-el
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    Re: Fear of Dying

    today i did what i have been trying to avoid for so long.... i went to casualty with my MS symptoms the doctor did a full examination tested balance, reactions, muscle pressure and eyes and said everything normal. all my blood tests are normal and he said my symptoms dont really follow the disease pattern. yet somehow i still doubt what he says and think i have an undetected illness.

    i felt like such a fool when i cam eout like i had sat there for 2 hours and watsed everyones time. what the hell is wrong with me when someone tells me im fine why i dont i just believe them!!!!! i still have pins and needles all over with muscle pain my doc thinks its either a virus or anxiety and as i have a history of anxiety.

    my skin is tingling from head to toe, has anyone else ever experienced such a feeling from anxity?

     
    Old 04-06-2005, 09:45 AM   #6
    cardani
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    Re: Fear of Dying

    I have had that feeling - right now im convinced i have Mono so im home, its a very common feeling from panic attacks/anxiety/angst. It sounds like you two are also hypochondriacs, which is related to OCD which i also have. Its tough relalizing that you might not ever be sure if you are healty or not, and it is not always possible to search for a truth, as this life is so scientific but science never claims to be the whole truth. I wish you well (p.s. i find if i try to do something to take my mind off the feelings, the breathing or whatever and apply it to something else, I ride my horse or something but even sometimes the feelings intervene and i have to cut it short because i get so anxious i cant function but for a while it helps, if u can take a bath or something and assign one time a day for however long u need, i do like 45 minutes of full on focusing on the feelings and doubts and then i find it bores me to think any more about them when i have other things i needed to do) Take care, Carrie

     
    Old 04-06-2005, 09:58 AM   #7
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    Re: Fear of Dying

    Hello all!
    Yes, what a familiar feeling! I have had anxiety for quite some time...it's controlled (somewhat!) right now with meds, but I still feel this way. I am diagnosed with fibromyalgia which doesn' t help the situation. I go from dr to dr and my symptoms are always blamed on stress, anxiety or fibro. I go into "zones" when I feel that I KNOW that I have some debilitating disease that no one has found and I'm going to die early. Then I get scared and go into this "funk" because I don't have children yet and I fear I won' t have the opportunity. It's an awful spiral!

     
    Old 04-06-2005, 11:08 AM   #8
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    Re: Fear of Dying

    I have a fear of dying every single day. I also get anxiety and panick attacks. I lost my mom in Aug 2001 to MS and then 2 years later in July 2003 my dad literally dropped dead from a massive heart attack. My mom was 50 and was dad was 49. I am so scared that I will die by that age. I am 30. When I am laying in bed at night I just think about my dad and it gets me so upset, I start thinking about how one day I will die and then my daughter and my boyfriend will be without me. I cry. I think about my funeral and get so sad at the thought of my daughter having to see me dead. My boyfriend also, I love him dearly and think about him having to go on alone. Everytime I get an ache or pain Im convinced this is it. This is whats gonna do me in. I get heart palpatations, sharp pains in my head, dizzyness, faintness, sometimes i get afraid that I will choke on my food so I end up having trouble swallowing it. I have a letter written in my notebook that is addressed to my family, daughter and boyfriend in the event I die. I have had it there for 2 years. I know what you are going through. I also sometimes think I have MS like my mom did. I ask my boyfriend if he would still stay with me if I get sick and end up in a wheelchair. It is so depressing. I could go on and on here but I wont. I fear I am about to die all the time. It is scary.

     
    Old 04-06-2005, 12:56 PM   #9
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    Re: Fear of Dying

    Hi Mishel -Sorry you had such a rough day. The good news is that you checked out fine, now you have to keep working on a way to believe your doc. I think it's great that you are getting councelling - I am sure it will help. I go to my doc. for my regurlar checkup tomorrow morning - afterwards, I'll check in with you and let you know how much I believe or don't believe! Keep working on that journal! marirose

     
    Old 04-06-2005, 01:09 PM   #10
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    Re: Fear of Dying

    Dear Carrie - You are right on the money - I am a hypochondriac - my grandmother is WAY worse than me, but I always tell her I got it from her and it's her fault! I like the suggestion of trying to keep worry to one time of the day. I am definitely going to see if I can do that. I do try to divert myself, too, like you with riding my horse, and keeping busy, but then I find myself frantically running from one activity to the next just so I dont' have time to think. Does this ever happen to you? If so, how do you handle it? Thanks for the suggestions! Marirose

     
    Old 04-07-2005, 08:10 PM   #11
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    Re: Fear of Dying

    Mish-el,

    I DO know exactly what you are feeling. I was diagnosed back in October of 2003 with General Anxiety Disorder. I've also suffered from depression. I go through exactly what you mention. The first time I had my anxiety attack I tingled from head to toe and it was like a burning feeling...I thought I was having a seizure! Quite honestly, every single day I got through the same thing. I'm not on anything at the moment. I'm currently trying to get on some herbal remedy. I was on Paxil CR back in 2003, part of 2004...but I went off of it because I was feeling very numb. I couldn't feel anything, including...well, orgasms. I just posted another post on here that will explain more...

    But yes, I do feel the same as you do. And every day...I wake up and try to deal with it. But know that if you ever need to talk...I'm here

     
    Old 04-08-2005, 06:58 AM   #12
    mish-el
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    Re: Fear of Dying

    Hi Guys

    i have been to the docs again (think im going to have my own chair soon) he said he cant rule out MS until i have seen a neurologist he said he needs to get them checked out before he says it anxiety related. which of course has thrown me into blind panic i ave app with neuro for next week which cant come fast enough as my wierd eye thing is back.

    i have this thing with my eye where it feels like there is something in it and the lid swells up - just the one eye - had it checked out before and it was all normal but now im getting worried its a symptom

    think im going to go to bed and sleep the panic off.

    hope you had a better day take care

    Michelle x

     
    Old 04-15-2005, 03:24 AM   #13
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    Re: Fear of Dying

    Hi All, it's a nightmare isn't it?
    I really feel your pain, I too feel like I could take up residency in my doctors surgery.
    I have a health anxiety disorder. Its strange because in all other aspects of life I would say I'm a pretty normal, rational human being, but when it comes to my health its a totally different story.
    If I have a headache, I have a brain tumour. If I have a yeast infection, I have HIV. If I get general little aches and pains I fear I have some sort of bone cancer that has spread through my whole body. If my bowels are slightly looser than normal, I have bowel cancer. The list is endless.
    I feel like you'll all be laughing at me right now, but I suppose we are all on the same boat.

    Mish-el, just to let you know, NO doctor will tell you that you don't have MS. Its not just you in particular. Its like HIV, you can't tell there and then so for all a doctor will probably feel in his heart of hearts that you are fine he can't give you an answer.
    I know it is so frustrating but it is true. I have a friend who also has a bit of a health issue going on and about 6 months ago she got an overwhelming fear that she had MS. I could see that she was fine, but when she went to the doctor he said that she would have to go to a specialist to get other tests and that he couldn't tell her. The symptoms are so wide spread and can be down to so many other things that it is one of the hardest things to diagnose. I have never heard of anyone going to the doctors scared of having MS and their doctor actually giving them reassurance.

    So please, try not to freak about this. ANYONE would be told the same thing. xx

     
    Old 08-05-2005, 01:23 AM   #14
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    Re: Fear of Dying

    I have many health problems (spinal degeneration, severe accellerated arthritis of the spine, bone spurs, joint degeneration, fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety.. um, I think that's all my diagnosed illnesses...
    I feel like you do. I have been afraid to talk to my Dr about my constant fear of dying; I thought he would send me to a counselor. I have seen several psychiatrists/therapists over the past years, and none help. (Dr Phil helps more!)
    But my fear of death is wierd... I have a different take on that fear... I feel like every day I am just living/existing towards one more day towards my death. I ask myself "why must we KNOW we are going to die?" I see people on TV (and when I do get occasion to go out) and they are laughing and having fun. In my mind I think, "why are they laughing? we are all going to die anyways?!"
    I try to look at life in a positive manner... constant self-talk... but I cant help but think "why do we have to die? how can people enjoy themselves, knowing we are all going to die??"
    Oh, and I was raised Catholic and cant attend service because of the hard seats, and I cant sit that long. And I try to read self-help books and even "The Purpose Driven Life", yet nothing registers with me. I scan those types of books and think "I cant believe people actually buy this baloney..."
    Please dont send me any scriptures or "God loves you" posts. (Please understand I'm not being mean when I say that...) I just want real answers or suggestions--if anyone else has had these types of fears about their own death, please let me know how you have dealt with them!
    Thank you

     
    Old 08-05-2005, 09:00 AM   #15
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    Re: Fear of Dying

    Mish-el I skin use to do that also. it is anxiety. And all the other symotoms everyone is having is to , I use to think I was dying of something no one else had or the doctors could not fine TOO. BUT the truth is they have found it and it will not kill you. BUT you can over come this I did it though meds, AND now I am fine . AND THERE IS HOPE SO HANG IN THERE. .

     
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