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    Old 11-18-2005, 10:30 AM   #1
    Marirose
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    Any anxiety "survivors" out there?

    Hi all - Just checking in to see if there is anyone else out there who, like me, feels that they are in "recovery" from anxiety. I had a bad bout last winter, but have felt pretty strong and capable these last few months. Anyone make it for a long time without relapsing? Can you share how you did it? Treetop, looking forward to hearing your story! marirose

     
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    Old 11-18-2005, 10:35 AM   #2
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    Re: Any anxiety "survivors" out there?

    Marirose

    I finally found u

     
    Old 11-18-2005, 10:42 AM   #3
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    Re: Any anxiety "survivors" out there?

    Hi Marirose,

    I doing better with the anxiety. I came a long ways, but I still have my days. I take my pills twice a day and that kepts my anxiety pretty much under control. The problem is not the anxiety I realize. I realize it the things, the people and the way I handle things in my life. I lost my job in September and I'm struggling a little. Some days I'm sad about that but most of the time I have control over the situation. I know once I get a job and get every thing back on track I will be doing much better. I try to stay busy and do constructive, positive things. I pray and go to church to kept my spirit up. I do not socialize with negative people, places or things. I realizing I need to work on being indecisive. That one of my biggest weakest. It causes me to become frustrated and overwhelmed. How are you Marirose. I really miss you alot. I cant wait to hear from you. I missed luckfemale also, we were such a good support team for each other and I'm sure others. I so glad to be back doing what God wants us to do

     
    Old 11-18-2005, 11:26 PM   #4
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    Re: Any anxiety "survivors" out there?

    Hey wassup...heres a little story about myself..back when I was 17, I started messing around drugs, mostly physchadelics (and lots of them), and never even knew what anxiety was..however, I started having weird things happening to me so I stopped everything..by then though the damage was done. I went into a serious 6 month depression where I drank every day and if I didn't I would have panic attacks all day every day. So, anyways I begged my parents to get me on some medication but that didnt work. So, I said the hell with it and im gonna fix this myself...( i did my research and i definitely had panic disorder, even while i was sleeping). So what I did was started excersizing a lot, tried going out, and then eventually joined the navy. boy lemme tell you, thats the best thing i ever did. it got my butt right into shape, and forced me to deal with my anxiety issues. now, after being in almost 3 years, i still have anxiety but just the normal daily anxiety everyone deals with ( i think)..ive learned to control it and its really all in your head imo. having to give lectures, deal with people on a constant basis, and the likes forces you to pretty much forget about the anxiety..

    (im 22 now..took about 3 1/2 years to "fully" recover)
    my .02!

    Last edited by systemofadown; 11-18-2005 at 11:26 PM.

     
    Old 11-19-2005, 01:27 PM   #5
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    Thumbs up Re: Any anxiety "survivors" out there?

    Hi Systemofadown,

    Thanks for posting your experience with anxiety. It is very inspirational to her that you succeeded in controlling your anxiety in such a positive way. It so encouraging to know that one day I will not need medication and I will be able to function like I use to. Don't get me wrong I have no regrets about taking my medication because it works for me right now. It helps me to function better right now, so one day I can get back to living my life without medications. I plan to join a karate class or kickboxing class once I find a job. I also want to take swimming lesson, because I want to face one of my fears. Also, it seem like it will be very relaxing. Well, thanks for being so inspirational. I look forward to chatting with you. Marirose, I hope everything is going well for you. It sounds like you are doing better. I like the decision to change the message board to help individual's who are a "Survivors" of anxiety. I'll check back with you all later. Have a wonderful day.

    Last edited by Treetop; 11-19-2005 at 01:30 PM.

     
    Old 11-19-2005, 01:41 PM   #6
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    Re: Any anxiety "survivors" out there?

    Here's my story...I have to warn you, it's VERY long!

    I warned you, I don't post often but when I do I write a novel so here it comes.

    I used to always say that I had my first panic attack at age 16, but when I look back on it I know that I had them from a very young age.
    The thing is I was so young that I didn't know that you weren't supposed to feel the way I did.
    I also have OCD, also from a very young age.
    I can remember having to count and sort things have things just "SO" and having to do things the same way everytime I did them from before I even went to school.

    But the first panic attack that I had where I knew I wasn't supposed to feel the way I did, happened when I was 16 years old.
    There was nothing wrong, nothing bad had happened I wasn't worried about anything I was happy as a clam.
    I was taking clothes out of the dryer and all of a sudden this feeling came over me, I was scared out of my mind but I didn't know what I was scared of.
    I started to sweat and shake and my heart started to pound, felt like I couldn't get enough air to breath, I was dizzy...but the worst thing was that I felt like I wasn't real...it was almost like I was watching myself...I felt like my body was where it was supposed to be but my head was attached by a string and it was floating down the hallway away from me.
    I felt like if I touched my arm that my hand would go right through it...like I was made of mist.
    That feeling will stay with me for the rest of my life, I'll never be able to forget that feeling of overwhelming terror.

    I stopped folding the clothes and told my Mom that I was going to bed, I told her I didn't feel good...I couldn't tell her that I was going crazy ( because that's what I thought was happening to me).
    I stayed home from school for days, my boyfriend (Husband now) came over and asked what was wrong....so I told him even though I thought he'd probably run the other way he didn't.
    He told me to tell my Mom and have her take me to the Doctors.
    So I did.

    The first thing out of my mouth when I walked into his office was "I'm either losing my mind, or I'm dying"...he just looked at me and smiled and said.
    "I doubt very much if either of those things is true."
    He told me that people who truely are losing they're minds never think they are, they think that they're perfectly sane and the rest of the world is crazy.
    He asked me what was wrong so I told him.
    He said it could be many things...none of which was going to kill me and he ordered all kinds of tests.
    Tests for high or low blood sugar..that was fine.
    Thyroid...that was fine.
    Other things that I can't remember.
    Heart tests...looking I would imagine for MVP...I'm sure he told me at the time, but I can't remember now.
    EKG...he showed me a book with a picture of a normal EKG and one for an abmormal one, then he showed me my print out..you guessed it...it looked like the normal one.

    That's when he told me that what I had was a panic disorder.
    I was young and at the time they must have given benzo's to young people more freely because he gave me Xanax.
    He did explain to me that some people...not all...have problems with it they become dependent on or tolorant to it but he again said that it does not happen to everyone.
    He told me that just because the bottle said I could take "X" amount "X" amount of times a day, didn't mean I needed to.
    He said if I could talk myself out of an attack to do that before I ran for the pill bottle...so that's what I did.
    I was "Allowed" to take up to I think 1 MG. a day, but I never took that much...the most I took was half a MG.

    He also asked me if anyone in my family had panic disorder...since they had just come on out of the blue he told me it was likely that someone in my family...he said it could be generations back...had also had it.
    At the time I had no idea if anyone in my family had suffered with it...if they had they sure didn't talk about it.

    So I asked my Mother later that day.
    This is something else I'll never forget, she got tears in her eyes and told me that she was sorry that I was sick because of her.
    That kind of freaked me out because I didn't remember my Mom ever having an attack.
    I came to find out later that she'd had them for years, she even had to leave school in the 11th grade because she just couldn't deal with it...of course at that time they weren't called panic attacks or panic disorder..she said the Doctor had told my Grandmother that she was "high strung".
    But, she hadn't had a problem for years.
    Then she told me that my Grandfather...her Father...had also had them when she was a little girl.
    She said that he'd been fine for a couple of months and then he'd have to "Go away"...they had no clue back then what was wrong with him so he'd go to a hospital for a couple of weeks every few months.

    I found out years later that several people...all on my Mother's side of the family had or still have the same problem...yet I'm the only one of my siblings who ever had a problem...I'm the only one with OCD also.
    Some people say it doesn't run in families, that it's a learned behavior...in other words someone in your family has them and you pick up on it and feed off of it and you have them too.
    But, my Doctor told me that while that is true for some, it's not true in all cases...me for instance....my Mother wasn't having attacks after I was born, my Grandfather died years before I was born and the other people in my family that have them, I only say maybe once of twice a year...so he said that it most certainly can and does run in families.

    I got off track there a little bit...anyway I had attacks from 16 until about the age of 23.
    Then one day I woke up and I knew something was different...I felt great...they had just simple gone away out of the blue, the same way they came...for no reason at all they were just gone.
    My Doctor said that it just happens that way sometimes...I asked him why and he just smiled and told me that if he or anyone else know the answer to that then they'd be very rich

    They stayed away until I was almost 30, then one day I was sitting outside drinking iced tea and all of a sudden it hit me out of the blue I was scared to death, it was just the same as it had been years before.
    I knew in my heart what it was, but I couldn't make my head believe I wasn't dying...so off to the ER we went.
    They did all the tests and asked me if I knew what a panic attack was...I told them I did and explained that I'd suffered from them before.
    He told me to make an appointment with my Doctor.
    I did and went back on the Xanax...this time I took 1 quarter mg. twice a day everyday for 7 years...never took more, never felt like I needed more, never felt them wear off....I might get my head handed to me for saying this, but that's what saved me.

    Along the way I'd come up with these ideas that I wanted to try something different...why I don't know, the Xanax worked like a charm...but I get and idea in my head and I can't get it out...OCD is such fun
    Tired ativan and Klonopin...couldn't deal with either of those...lowest dose made me feel like a zombie...so it was back to my Xanax.
    My Doctor, God bless him never once said "I told you so"...I go to him and ask if I could try something else and he say to me "Doesn't the Xanax work" I'd say yes and he'd just shake his head and say "Okay, if you want to try something else we will, but why mess with success."
    I could have saved myself a lot of trouble if I'd have listened to him

    Tried two AD's had allergic reactions to both of them.
    Tried P'doc's...all they wanted to do was blame it on some horrible thing that they were just sure had happend in my past...one even tried to tell me that the dryer had triggered a bad memory...he thought perhaps my parents had shut me in the dryer when I was a child.....needless to say I never went back to him...he needed more help than I did

    Tried therapy in a group run by a P'doc...he was more interested in pushing SSRI's than anything else.
    Finally found a group run by a former sufferer, that really helped me...nobody tried to push anything on you, they just let you talk.

    Tried the "Natural" stuff...I might as well have been taking tic-tacs...they did nothing.
    Tried reading books, but nothing they said was new to me...I already knew that I had to change the way I was thinking.

    Also, just because that stuff didn't work for me, doesn't mean it won't work for someone else.
    Whatever works best for you is what you should do...for me it was the Xanax for others it's one of those things that didn't work for me...or a combo of meds and therapy...the trick is finding what works for you.

    Anyway back to my LONG story...I woke up one day about 2 years ago now and the attacks where just gone again.
    I weaned of the Xanax with the help of my Doctor and I haven't looked back since.

    I know there's a chance that they may come back and if they do I'll deal with them.
    I've dealt with it twice before and come out the other end and I know that I can do it again, because no matter how strong they are I'm stronger.

     
    Old 11-19-2005, 01:54 PM   #7
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    Re: Any anxiety "survivors" out there?

    Graciecat

    I have one thing to say. Beautiful story. You are truly blessed. Thanks for blessing me with your story.

     
    Old 11-19-2005, 03:09 PM   #8
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    Re: Any anxiety "survivors" out there?

    Graciecat

    Hi and thanks.....

    I am struggling right now......

    I was just wondering that during your years of Panic / Anxiety and when you thought you were dying......Did you ever experience Physical Symptoms that made you wonder.....Maybe I have this, or Maybe its that??? (Diseases)

    I seem to be stuck on this thought process.....and I lover the line from your Story....

    "I already knew that I had to change the way I was thinking."

    That seems to be the kicker...if I could just change the way I think or percieve things now.....I would be better....Not thinking I have a disease thats going to kill me.....

    Also, did you ever have a side effect form the BENZO....? All those years?

    Thanks

    -B

     
    Old 11-19-2005, 04:32 PM   #9
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    Re: Any anxiety "survivors" out there?

    Treetop,

    I am very blessed, I thank God every morning and every night for helping me...I don't want to push my Religion off on anyone but I think my faith helped me a great deal also.
    When I was really bad I carried three things with me at all times...my bottle of Xanax...although I would never take more than those 2 quarter MG's a day (I'm sure that was my OCD..it's such fun) the other two things were a picture of Saint Therese and a very small...and when I say small I mean no bigger than my pinkie fingernail....statue of The Infant of Prague..if you aren't the same Religion as I am you probably have no idea what that last item even is...but the thing is I felt like as long as I had those three things with me, I'd be okay and I always was.
    I'm glad you felt blessed reading my story.

    Bderozi,

    Yes, I had ever physical symptom you can imagine...dizziness, shaking, pins and needles, numbness, headaches, chest pain, blurry vision and a host of other things.
    The thing was with me, I never just had a headache I had a brain tumor, I never just had a sore throat I had throat cancer, I was never dizzy because my neck was out of place or I had water in my ears, I was having a stroke, I never had a pulled muscle, I was having a heart attack.
    I've had a million heart attacks, cancer of ever part of my body, countless brain tumors and more strokes than I can count...of course I never had any of those things, it was all caused by the panic disorder and I also to some degree my OCD.

    One thing I used to do and it's the worst thing you can EVER do, is look up your symptoms on the internet or worse still look things up in a medical book.
    I have no idea where the medical book came from nobody in my family or my Husbands has any medical background at all...but my Husband threw it away and he told me if I didn't stop looking things up on the internet that he'd called the ISP and have our service shut off.
    He just looked at me one day and said..."If you really did have one of the horrible things you think you have, you'd be dead by now...a heart attack doesn't last for months and neither does a stroke."
    I knew he was right, so I stopped looking things up...when I would get a little pain or funny feeling I'd count backwards from 300...I know that sounds strange, but for some reason it worked...my Doctor said that it worked because I was so busy counting that I didn't have time to think about the pain or funny feeling.

    I don't know if the counting would work for you or not, but it's worth a try.
    I would imagine that I picked counting because of my OCD...I'm big into numbers and counting things...just a little off the story, but I have counted ever single set of stairs I have ever climbed...I even did that when I was a little girl.
    If I go for a walk with someone in my head I'm counting the steps that I'm walking, but I'm talking to the person I'm walking with...and I never lose count, that's how much a part of me it is...I can talk and count in my head at the same time...oh the joys of OCD

    But after I said all of that, if at anytime you get a pain or feeling that doesn't go away there's no shame in going to the ER or making an appointment with your Doctor...just becasue we have panic or anxiety problems doens't mean we can't get someting else...yes, nine times out of ten it'll be the panic disorder..but like they told me at the ER one time..."It's better to be safe than sorry." He said that 8 out of 10 people that come in with chest pain are having panic attacks but he told me to never feel silly coming there or going to see my Doctor, he said that's what they're there for.

    I never had one single problem at all with the Xanax...I've heard some people say that it made them tired at first...I didn't even have that problem with it.
    From the first pill I took all it ever did was help me...didn't make me feel spaced out, or stoned it just made me feel normal again and able to cope with things until I was strong enough to cope on my own.

    Well, I see I've written another book...sorry about that, but when I get started I just can't stop

     
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    Old 11-19-2005, 04:56 PM   #10
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    Re: Any anxiety "survivors" out there?

    Great post Graciecat!! I think Xanax is the best medication for panic disorder too...at least that's been my experience. Thanks for taking the time to tell us your story... you write very well and I think you've given a lot of people hope who are struggling right now with panic. I also think it's great that you pointed out that you may have a relapse at some point, but you are prepared to take care of it...you know you can because you've done it. I think panic disorders can be cyclical, or come and go depending on stress, but thank goodness there is a medication like Xanax to help us through it...and good people like you too!

     
    Old 11-19-2005, 06:13 PM   #11
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    Re: Any anxiety "survivors" out there?

    Thanks For the Great Reply....

    I definently do the whole Internet Search / MED Book thing....only really for ALS....so I have already done that!

    It makes me feel like crap of course....but it stinks because I do experience some of the Symptoms of this Disease....and then I KNOW that it is a possibility....so I worry and think and CONVINCE myself that I have this disease.....This is where I am at now! AWFUL...

    I guess you can relate though.....I too had the Heart Attack / Brain Tumor / Cancer feelings as well.......these were my very first ones...6 weeks ago...and then I got tested....(complete blood screen, urine test, CAT scan)...all negative.....

    So it is almost Like I moved on from those Ailments / Problems.......Now I am Obsessed with ALS / MS.....and I can't seem to shake this one....I dont know why? I have made this one into a HUGE fear / phobia almost...obsessing about it for the past couple weeks!!! And of course it is a disease for which there is no cure...it kills you, which makes this all the worse!!!

    So, I understand you when you say you have had the whole "I THINK I HAVE THIS" things.....but I guess I am just flat out Scared of this One!

    I know this is long, and you have been very helpful....! I just want to feel healthy, because 99% of my Anxiety is HEALTH ANXIETY.....It has been my thought process since Day 1 of all of this ( OCT. 1 2005)...that was when I had my BIG ONE...PANIC ATTACK.....from that day untill now...I have been on a rollercoaster of Emotions / Feeling / Thoughts...UP and DOWN....

    I am just out of Answers I guess....I am scared of all of this....

    Do you think I am / Will be ok?

    I know you aren't a DOC, but you are the closest person I have found that has been through something like this....thank you

    -Brandon

     
    Old 11-20-2005, 10:38 AM   #12
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    Re: Any anxiety "survivors" out there?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SRMom
    Great post Graciecat!! I think Xanax is the best medication for panic disorder too...at least that's been my experience. Thanks for taking the time to tell us your story... you write very well and I think you've given a lot of people hope who are struggling right now with panic. I also think it's great that you pointed out that you may have a relapse at some point, but you are prepared to take care of it...you know you can because you've done it. I think panic disorders can be cyclical, or come and go depending on stress, but thank goodness there is a medication like Xanax to help us through it...and good people like you too!
    Thanks for the kind words SRMom

    I agree with you 100% that for some of us the panic disorder seems to run in cycles...mine tends to be somewhere between 6 and 7 years.
    I really wish I knew why that is, but I guess wondering isn't going to change anything...it might come back and it might not...if it does I'll deal with it again..if it doesn't that's wonderful.

     
    Old 11-20-2005, 10:52 AM   #13
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    Re: Any anxiety "survivors" out there?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by bderozi
    Thanks For the Great Reply....

    I definently do the whole Internet Search / MED Book thing....only really for ALS....so I have already done that!

    It makes me feel like crap of course....but it stinks because I do experience some of the Symptoms of this Disease....and then I KNOW that it is a possibility....so I worry and think and CONVINCE myself that I have this disease.....This is where I am at now! AWFUL...

    I guess you can relate though.....I too had the Heart Attack / Brain Tumor / Cancer feelings as well.......these were my very first ones...6 weeks ago...and then I got tested....(complete blood screen, urine test, CAT scan)...all negative.....

    So it is almost Like I moved on from those Ailments / Problems.......Now I am Obsessed with ALS / MS.....and I can't seem to shake this one....I dont know why? I have made this one into a HUGE fear / phobia almost...obsessing about it for the past couple weeks!!! And of course it is a disease for which there is no cure...it kills you, which makes this all the worse!!!

    So, I understand you when you say you have had the whole "I THINK I HAVE THIS" things.....but I guess I am just flat out Scared of this One!

    I know this is long, and you have been very helpful....! I just want to feel healthy, because 99% of my Anxiety is HEALTH ANXIETY.....It has been my thought process since Day 1 of all of this ( OCT. 1 2005)...that was when I had my BIG ONE...PANIC ATTACK.....from that day untill now...I have been on a rollercoaster of Emotions / Feeling / Thoughts...UP and DOWN....

    I am just out of Answers I guess....I am scared of all of this....

    Do you think I am / Will be ok?

    I know you aren't a DOC, but you are the closest person I have found that has been through something like this....thank you

    -Brandon
    You're very welcome.

    Like I said in my other post, the best advice I can give you is to stop looking your symptoms up in books or on the internet.
    I know in my case if I read about some horrible illness, I had it.
    If instance you could type in the symptoms of a normal everyday headache and come up with a number of life threatening illness that it COULD be, when it's really more than likely you have a headache.
    Right now I have a sore throat and my sinues are killing me...I'm not going to look it up because I know that I simply have a everday run of the mill sore throat and clogged up sinuses...worse case I might have a sinus infection or maybe bronchitis...neither of those things is going to kill me...if I still feel bad tomorrow I'll call my Doctor, but already my throat feels 98% better than it did yesterday.

    My gut feeling is that YES you're fine and all this worry is caused by the panic disorder.
    Again I'm no expert, but it just seems as though now that you know you don't have a heart problem, brain tumor etc....you've moved on to something else...it's almost like we aren't happy unless we have something to worry about...I don't mean that as a put down...because I did the very same thing.
    If you're that scared go to your Doctor and discuss your ALS, MS fears with him/her if you feel that you must be tested for those things, then by all means tell the Doctor that's what you want.
    Then once the tests come back and you know that you don't have either one of those things, then you have to let it go...I know that's not always easy but it's something that you have to find the strength to do.

    I know I've said this before but, you may THINK the panic is stronger than you are, but trust me, it's not.
    One last thing, please STOP looking things up it doesn't help it only feeds the panic and that's the last thing you want.

    Take care of yourself

     
    Old 11-20-2005, 11:26 AM   #14
    bderozi
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    Re: Any anxiety "survivors" out there?

    Thanks SO much Gracie....

    You have been very helpful.....

    I hope I can start feeling better soon....

    -Brandon

     
    Old 11-20-2005, 12:34 PM   #15
    Marirose
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    Re: Any anxiety "survivors" out there?

    Hi everybody - What great information! I am so looking forward to catching up with you all - So much has been happening that I just can't find time to post - even the tough things that have been going on have not brought back my anxiety to any great degree - Thank God in heaven! I will try to post more on my situation tomorrow - Treetop, we have alot of catching up to do! Glad everyone is here contributing! Marirose

     
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