My Disease Called ANXIETY..Please read

boxerlver227

Hi Amy D.J.
I was diagnosed as having a Hypervigilant personality, What this means is I notice danger everywhere, and then I obsess about it until it intensifies into fear.. For example.. Most are afraid to go to the dentist, but not to the point where they can't sleep nights before the appointment because they are so terrified by the fear. What is the fear? Well maybe I will have a panic attack while sitting in the chair, or maybe I will feel dizzy and pass out, I am ANTICIPATING THE FEAR before the appointment even happens.."Apprehension of FEAR", In turn this is creating symptoms of panic. You had a panic attack at the grocery store, so everytime you need to go shopping you start to anticipate the fear of having another attack, before you even get to the store you created yourself the symptoms of panic by anticipating "WHAT MIGHT have happened"
It's a Horrible cycle... Half the time you wouldn't of even have had the panic attack if it wasn't for the anticipation..
So here you are stuck in the cycle worrying all the time when will the next attack strike, meanwhile you are feeling all the symptoms already!
Does this make sense? Positive reinforcement is what you must give yourself to help over come this vicious cycle. Still today I struggle with this anticipation of WHAT might happen.. It is a very hard condition to beat, when you have a very hyper personality, but I made a promise to myself that I shall over come this, and come out stronger then ever imagined!!
I hope this was helpful to you!
Boxerlover

boxerlver227

Hello eelsgirl
What can I say.. I am so touched that my story brought you tears.. "Tears OF COMFORT" That was my main goal in sitting down and writting exaclty how I feel.. To let others no they ARE NOT ALONE!!
There are so many of us that suffer in silence, thinking we are the only one's, going about our day trying to feel normal, making others believe that we aren't suffering. When the truth is behind the smiles, lies fear, terror, confusion, and frustration, along with disappointment. We are scared to tell others what we feel in FEAR that they just won't understand..
I feel it it's important for us to be honest with ourselves, don't minimize what we feel, and most of all surround ourselves around others who truly understand. Talking is important in the process to recovery. Treat your Disorder for the illness it truly is.. I am touched by all the support I have gained as well as offered! My best to you in your road to recovery from this Diesease called anxiety. If I can help you in anyway I am here to offer support! (Hugs) Boxerlover

featherweight

All I can say is WOW WOW WOW. Thank you so much for sharing this. Yes, I have GAD and have for most of my life. It really got out of control when I got an inner ear infection that had me so dizzy for months on end that I could barely function. I was put on Ativan to help "clean up" the dizzies and to control the anxiety/panic. Boy, it worked so well and I felt on top of the world. But fast forward 18 mos and I wasn't feeling so good anymore. Depression, apathetic and major brain fog. I tapered off the drug over 17 mos and have been off for 2 mos now. I am back feeling "unbalanced" but handling OK, I guess. I am not anxious about it. My face and eyes are numb now. I've been told this may be a protracted WD symptom from the Ativan or do you suppose it could be another form of anxiety?

What do you guys take, if anything, for your anxiety? I am afraid of the SSRI's and some of the horrible side effects. I did try Lexapro for 1 month and was too sedated during the day to know if it helped or not.

Wishing every a happy, calm, holiday.

boxerlver227

Hi Featherweight
I am happy you found some comfort in my post!
I myself am a vertigo sufferer, which causes me horriable anxiety and panic attacks. I suffer with "subjective vertigo" where I feel the sensation of motion. I could be standing talking to someone and I will feel like I am falling, backwards, sideways, or just feel a floating, or swaying sensation. It is like being on a boat in a storm! I still question whether or not mine is inner ear related as well. I have been a sufferer for quite a few years now, and all the simple things in my life has been a great challange for me with the presence of this vertigo. So many things I once loved and enjoyed I just simply cannot do, and this causes me alot of frustration. I feel I am being held back from so many things I would like to accomplish here on earth, but simply have a hard time doing that with this condition.
You as a vertigo sufferer as well I am sure understands, and can relate to the frustrations. I myself have tried Ativan but it was just to sadating for me. All I wanted to do on it was sleep. The SSRI's did not agree with me as well.
I did give xanax a shot and that seemed to help calm down the vertigo some, but was really benifical for the panic attacks. I often take a xanax still if the dizziness and panic is really bad and I need to function some what half way!!
I also found therapy to be very benifical as well, and suggest this as best treatment of all. Talking about your fears, struggles and illness is the best medicine also being apart of this family (THE BOARD) is a god sent, I have found so much understanding and comfort in suffers just like myself...
I hope you find this helpful in someway, and you as well have a happy and calm holiday! If you have any thoughts or questions I am here to offer my support as well.. All my best Boxerlover

dinney

boxerlover227~just read your first post, WOW, how powerful, what a sense of peace that it gave to me reading all that you are going through and knowing/thinking that I am not totally crazy. Each of they symptoms you elaborate on I go through on a daily basis most of the time. I too have been on zanex for years and it takes the edge off when I am having a real bad time. God Bless you and will keep you in my prayers and you do the same for all of us that you have touched with sharing your life. So nice to have someone that "truly" understands what we deal with.

NVR2L8

This is my situation as well. Off and on meds, irrational fear of nothing and adrenaline rushes. My new thing this bout is clenching and grinding teeth at night......my jaw is hurting quite a bit......Back on meds I go.

Good luck to all with this. It is hard for me to get some people to understand this and what I am going through........

t~

dinney

Can relate to the grinding/clenching of teeth, I have ended up with MAJOR tmj problems which are so bad now there isn't alot they can do and putting up with the pain that causes ALL over your body doesn't help with the anxiety issues at all. Sympathize with you totally. If you can find a good TMJ dentist, get some help before it's too late and you have done major damage to the joints.

Last night was one of my worst in awhile, woke up from deep sleep with heart racing a million miles an hour, scared me to death, when I get REAL frightened I start to sweat a little. Almost woke up husband to take me to the ER but prayed, talked myself through it, took an aspirin (just in case)..of course took me over 2 hours to get back to sleep, SO tired today at work.

Thanks to ALL of you for being friends and caring.

boxerlver227

Hi dinney & nvr2l8
I am so happy both of you found some comfort in my post. I know anxiety/panic disorder is such an emotional roller coaster, at least for me it is. Sometimes I am so disappointed in myself that I am having such troubles overcoming my disorder, Then I read your stories and realize that I am not the only one struggling and feeling this way. This brings me so much comfort as well, feeling alone for so long has been just as horrible as the disorder.
I know there are so many others out there who suffer alone, and I wanted them to know that they aren't and that I truly understand their fears as well as their physical symptoms. I myself have "created" a number of horrible illness in my head that I believed I was dying from. The mind can be such a powerful weapon. I am now trying to use that power to create "Positive"
thinking and kill off this beast! It hasn't been easy, I guess the "learn behavior" I have had for so many years is proven itself to be true.
I take a step back from myself and can't believe the control I have lost over my own thoughts. every negative sensation I feel is some horrible death I am about to experience. I hate living like this, In constant fear, unable to enjoy my life the way I want, missing out on so much because of this fear I am living in that my "own" mind created. It's such a vicious cycle, and my heart goes out to everyone who is in the cycle as well.. along the way I will share my thoughts and fears in hopes to help others just like myself..
Thank you again for sharing your struggle with anxiety with me as well. Your words have more comfort, then you can ever imagine! My thoughts & Prayers
Boxerlover

dinney

boxerlover227~
just found time (at work now) to read the threads and the thanks goes to you for sharing your experiences and encouraging all of us that suffer from this demon called anxiety. I try to use the positive attitude but probably not as hard as I should, seems like when I do, there is always, always this little nudge right along with the positive thoughts to bring me down. With people like you to talk with and be encouraged by, maybe someday life will be all that we want it to be.

Have a great week-end and God Bless ! Catch some of you on Monday.

bynobody

I bought an interesting book yesterday. The guy in it says you have to change your subconscious thoughts (your 'boss') and the way to do that is to go into alpha wave brain cycling and fill your head with positive thoughts. Then you can actually reprogram your mind.

Well let me tell you I did it ONCE and last night I slept straight through 14 hours.

I haven't slept like that in forever and though Ill try not to make it a habit, it sure was great to not wake up at 5 am and be rip roaring ready to run 10 miles.

My anxiety is almost gone too thank goodness. We can do this guys, beat this thing. We've been living in negative land for so long without even realizing it. I know Ive experienced symptoms of anxiety and panic disorder for YEARS, and didn't even know what it was. I just thought it was flashbacks but now I realzie it has a lot to do with my Dad, a lot to do with me holding onto and believeing things people said about me, a LOT to do with very low self-esteem.

lottietrotter

like what?

boxerlver227

Hi lottietrotter
There are many illness that mimic or cause anxiety, anything from Cardiovascular, to respiratory illness, hormonal, Aural, hematic, and drug related. The illness for each catagory is to much to list. I hope this answers your question from the quote made in my post. Thank you for taking the time to read my post. Boxerlover

boxerlver227

Hi All
I am just checking in to see how you are all doing.
The past few days have been somewhat calm on the anxiety end.. I still feel like I am in constant anticipation mode and I am just waiting for the next full blown panic attack to strike... I am sure most of you can relate. I have been trying to keep myself busy the last few days, which isn't hard with a toddler.. I guess that is why my constant thoughts about my anxieties has been less this week.. Not to much time to focus on myself these past few days, my child has kept me on my toe's with the terrible two's coming on.. I still feel all the symptoms of anxiety even though I am trying not to think about it so much, sometimes I wonder if once you suffer from this disorder will you always be aware and on guard for the next attack...Does the vicious cycle just stay embedded in you forever, because of the fear. A question I ask myself everyday...
I see there are so many new suffers on the anxiety board who are scared, confused and wondering whether or not they are alone in what they are feeling.. I hope they can all find some comfort in all of us, as well as come across this post to see that they truly are not alone.. I was amazed by the comfort and support in all of you as well as the many responses I received. All of your replies have been my medicine and my peace of mind that I am truly not crazy
~I will keep posting~ And hope you all will do the same.
~keeping you all in my thoughts ~ as well as my prayers! Boxerlover

Moonshowers

OMG!!!!I can't stop crying! This is so me it is scarey!I just got officially diagnosed 4 months ago. but I have been having these problems for years!I think I am losing my mind.I get sudden urges to run away (where ever I am at the time.)Crowds put me into a frenzy...I get nasty.But I can serve a crowd of people no problem. I just can't be part of the crowd. No emotional control.I am in constant fear of death...cancer in particular.Anger rages and binges with alcohol. I say the meanest things to my poor son when I am raging. I hate what this is doing to me. I hate this monster it is making me. I try so hard to control that...it is exhausting. I was abused growing up.I feel like I have turned into my mother. I am 42 years old, mother of one in an unhappy marriage and I hate my life. Most of all I hate myself. I can't remember ever loving myself.The only place I feel good is doing my job. I feel my best there(I kill myself to be perfect there)...but the attacks still ruin that time too.I am on 2 MG diazapam 3X daily. It has calmed my heart rate down...but I still get the attacks.Everyday off...I sit home alone and cry. I feel like I have been mourning my whole life away...for years. Since I was a kid...I personally can't handle much more of this. It's too much.