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  • I need help! Mother of Anxious Child

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    Old 02-24-2007, 12:56 PM   #1
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    I need help! Mother of Anxious Child

    I need help and dont know what else to do. When my daughter was 5 years old she began experiencing mood swings and high anxiety, panic attacks. She refused to go down the hall to use the bathroom and threw temper tantrums have panic attcks if someone wouldnt go with her, she was always clinging on me, cannot go and play in her room by herself, constantly manipulates her brother to make him go with her upstairs. She doesnt sleep at night, hates her life, only has two friends, what am I supposed to do??? I have for the last three years taken her to a mental health clinic but all they want to do is council myself and her dad. I am frustrated because they offer no real suggestions. They told me to give her a half teaspoon of bendryl when she is having a panic attack.
    Why dont they offer her help? They dont really want to dignosis her they said she is too young and mabye she will grow out of it.
    I am tired, really tired, of seeing my daughters quality of life a zero, and there is nothing I can do! Any advice from other parents with the same problem??

    Last edited by scrubs04; 02-24-2007 at 12:58 PM. Reason: spelling

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    Old 02-24-2007, 01:23 PM   #2
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    Re: I need help! Mother of Anxious Child

    Hi scrubs04~
    I am sorry to hear of your situation. BUT As a mother myself, and that was my daughter I would take her to see another DR. for another opinion,
    along with perhaps some REAL counseling to see where the root of her anxiety is stemming from. You say this started when she was 5 years old then you mentioned three years later that you are still dealing with this so I am assuming she is 8 now? Three years of this behavior and she is still not "grown" out of it indicates a problem. It seems she doesn't like being alone, she fears this for some reason, and I as a parent would question as to why. I am sure you and your husband are good parents or you wouldn't be here asking for advice. My thoughts on this are if my daughters Dr. told me to just give my kid benadryl, I'd tell that Dr. that is NOT an acceptable answer!! Try for another opinion even if it takes 50 Dr.'s until you find the right one. This is a "child" and no child should have to suffer in FEAR!!
    This is just my advice and I am sure it is as frustrating for your daughter as it is for you and your husband. Good Luck and I hope your daughter can return to a happy, healthy life as all children should have! Boxerlover

    Old 02-25-2007, 05:47 AM   #3
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    Re: I need help! Mother of Anxious Child

    Unfortunately most doctors won't give meds to children and with good reason. Children's barins haven't matured and the meds can cause problems during this important phase of their life. The best you can do is be very open with your child and try to find out what she is feeling. Has anything happened in her life that would cause her lots of stress?

    Maybe find a doctor who knows cognitive behavioral therapy rather than a regular therapist. Check into it, but please don't drug your child. Nine times out of ten the anxiety will go away and then come back in their late teens early twenties. This is when you can consider meds.

    I hope you and your child are doing better. Good luck,

    Old 02-25-2007, 07:20 AM   #4
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    Re: I need help! Mother of Anxious Child

    If you look back to when this first started, did anything significant happen to your daughter? In other words, can you pinpoint when it first started and if so, can you think of any particular event that may have caused it? Have you asked your daughter what her fears are and why she doesn't want to be alone? If so, what does she tell you? Does she have physical complaints too?

    Have you taken her to your primary care doctor? I think I would have a physical done first to rule out any physical cause and then go from there. Maybe your doctor could suggest a good child therapist. She needs someone who will help get to the bottom of the reason for this and then perhaps some cognitive behavioral therapy. There's things that can be done. It sounds like your current therapist isn't working out. I would really start fresh with someone new. It's important to get to the bottom of why she's feeling these fears and anxieties.

    I started having anxiety as a child and it manifested as terrible stomachaches for me. I didn't want to go to school and felt sick all the time. Everywhere we went, I would get a stomachache and cry and want to go home. When my parents took me to a good child therapist, she got me talking about how I felt. Then, she taught me relaxation techniques and other things I could do when I was feeling bad. It REALLY helped me as a child. I was to the point where I didn't want to do much with my friends either. I was always afraid of feeling sick. I didn't really explain to my parents how I was feeling inside except to say I didn't feel good. I think it's hard for children to express these complicated feelings, but the right therapist should be able to get somewhere. I know mine did. Unfortunately, like someone said, it came back again when I was around 20 years old. Still, my childhood was much improved and I was happy again.

    I wish you well. This must be very frustrating and difficult for you. Please keep us posted.

    Old 02-25-2007, 02:42 PM   #5
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    Re: I need help! Mother of Anxious Child

    I have a child who is very similar to yours. When we moved into our house 6 years ago he was 5 and kept saying he hated the new house and wanted to go back to our old one. Anyway, he refused to sleep in his room, and, like your daughter, wouldn't go anywhere by himself. Actually, at 11, which he is now, he still won't go anywhere in the house by himself, is always asking my youngest, 8, to go with him - even when it's just upstairs to clean his teeth. And yet, he'll walk back to meet his friends at the leisure centre after his drum lesson - on his own. Strange.

    But what I'm getting at is that this child of mine is anxious too. It's manifested itself over the years in various different ways - as separation anxiety when he was six. i took him to a child psychologist and he talked to her a few times and it stopped. He just has an anxious temperament. Which he gets from me. Nothing might have happened to set your daughter off - she might just have been going to be that way. Benadryl doesn't sound like a good idea (I can't believe someone suggested that!!) sometimes those medicines can have the opposite of a calming effect. If she's having a panic attack will she calm down if she lies on her bed with you stroking her hair?

    You need to see another doctor and get a second opinion. Read a book by Patrick Holford called 'Optimum Nutrition for Your Child's Mind'. He talks about children's anxiety problems and how to help them.

    Check her out for food allergies - these can cause anxiety symptoms.

    Two friends might be all the friends she needs. Not everyone needs millions. If she's got two, good, loyal ones, then that might be enough for her.

    Melatonin is a hormone that helps with sleep, but she's probably too young for it yet.

    Do read the Holford book. He has good suggestions. It's not surprising that she hates her life if she's so anxious. Poor little thing. It's hard to understand when you're not anxious yourself. I was anxious, so I understand my son, but it drives my husband, and my eldest child crazy that my son won't do anything alone - they think he's being manipulative.

    Good luck.

    Old 01-15-2009, 06:14 AM   #6
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    Re: I need help! Mother of Anxious Child

    I know soo many children with fears. Maybe she has spooked herself. There are soo many "spirit" " and "ghost" ssary shows. It can really scare the daylight out of a small child. Rationale sets in around 8 or 9 in a child, so hopefully there will be some relief ahead. I told my kids that if they belive in G-d (not to sound corney) then they will love him and their selves sooo much that they will realize they are being protected. I continued to get them some religious items to place in their rooms and talked about their fears with them. Honestly, My older daughter when she was three went in the kitchen and saw a man on the roof-skylight. She never told me this for YEARS..she thought she saw a ghost..scared the crap out of her. We had a person fixing the skylight...she had no clue...when she saw this guy it just started years of fears for her. Shes 13, she told me about a year or two ago and we laughed sooo hard. Interestingly, she is still spooked when she is alone in the kitchen. It is these STUPID things that happen that cause the problems. If she would have told me when she was 3 i could have cleared the whole thing up, she didnt and did not know to say a word about it. So, your daughter is 8, think about the time it started and go through all things that occurred at that time. Ask her if she saw a scary movie, ask her. She might not remember, you might find out in few years, after her rationale come in and deciphers it on her own. It is only now I can laugh about it myself, and so does she by the way..but it was YEARS of hell because of that one incident.

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