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    Old 07-02-2008, 07:20 AM   #1
    HopefulDoll
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    Have you lost your confidence?

    Hi all,

    I think I can sum up my anxiety by saying it is 'having lost all confidence in my own abilities to deal with the every day things in life'

    I feel as if I have regressed back to childhood where I dont have confidence to make decisions about even small, unimportant things.Like a child, I'm afraid to go shopping to town on my own, to the cinema etc. and when it comes to my kids I'm so afraid when I have to bring them somewhere, it feels like I'm child number 4 instead of the adult!

    I HATE,HATE feeling like this, so insecure in my own abilities. Never was like this until some life events a few years ago, and it's mostly a fear of dying while I'm out shopping, and oh dear, just what would people think if I did that???

    Does this sound like any of you out there? Also, do you all need a 'safe' person like me to go places with you? My poor patient husband is mine!

    Hopeful.

     
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    Old 07-02-2008, 07:52 AM   #2
    emmablue13
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    Re: Have you lost your confidence?

    YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's me in a nutshell!!!!!!!! You could have just written that for me. That is why I am seeing a counselor and been working on meds the past year to get the right one for me. Klonopin was working pretty well but as the stress increased in my life it was not cutting it. I have had pretty much non-stop major stressers in my life for about 11 years now. More than most people I think. I, like you, feel the same way. Like I am back to being this child. It's scary! I have a small child as well and NEVER really take him anyway because of the fear of "something" happening. What that something is, is anyone's guess but it's real.

    My counselor just started me on Lexapro last Tues (5mg) and then I take the Klonopin at night at bed time to aid in sleep. I hope it does the trick. I think, maybe, not sure that the Lexapro is working. It might be too soon to tell. Only a week today. I just want my life back!!!! I tried prozac and Xanax XR in the past year. Prozac about did me in. Horrible stuff for me. Took my anxiety to another level and I NEVER want to go there again. I could literally not leave the house. Xanax XR just made me non-functioning. Too tired.

    Hang in there and seek help from you family physician or other. I understand so much how you feel and I really hate it for you. I know how awful it is. (((HUGS)))

     
    Old 07-02-2008, 05:51 PM   #3
    scout316
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    Re: Have you lost your confidence?

    hi!oh my goodness....you took the words right out of my mouth....my husband is "my safe person" too.he gets tired of my stuff though.but all in all he puts up with me.I don't have kids that live at home(they are all grown up),but I do have a young grandson that comes over frequently.I don't know about you,but I don't care to go the medication route...mostly because I have a few health issues going on.I get B12 shots which eliminates most of my anxiety,but I still feel like I am not the person I usedf to be.Oh did I mention I'm post menopausal?So I guess a lot of my health issues are from that...so lovely,huh?Anyways have you had any blood testrs or other tests done to see if you might be lacking iron or something?Hope you know there are a lot of us women ouit there that are going through these types of feeling.Take care...keep posting...I care....Scout

     
    Old 07-05-2008, 06:07 AM   #4
    HopefulDoll
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    Re: Have you lost your confidence?

    Thanks so much for your replies.

    EmmaBlue13, do you ever feel that as a parent the responsibility for your child is a bit overwhelming? I do. When I drive them anywhere, I cant stop thinking 'what if I pass out, who will get them safely out of the car? How will they ever get over seeing their mother pass out?' Talk about trying to control life!! I think this is where my problems stem from - not having had control over some things and now just wanting to control everything. But I'm working on that.

    Scout316, How did you know you needed B12? Yes, I am low in iron,had blood test, but because of stomach issues I find it hard to take iron supplements.

    Love and peace to you all.
    Hopeful

     
    Old 07-05-2008, 08:15 AM   #5
    emmablue13
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    Re: Have you lost your confidence?

    YES! It is overwhelming at times for sure. I had a couple of anxiety attacks hit me when I was driving with my son in the car. I think that just elevated the fear of having him with me to a whole new level. It's a horrible feeling. I remember pulling over at a Toys R US parking lot of all places. Taking out his sippy cup of Apple Juice and taking my emergency Xanax I had in my purse. I sat there in the parking lot until it kicked in and then drove home. Luckily, I was not far from home. That was during the time I was trying Prozac and it really elevated my anxiety. My sister takes Prozac and has done really well on it. However, My brother has tried it and did about the same as me. But, since that happened to me with my son in the car and then it happened another time but not as bad. I am just scared to be with him in the car. I have had to drive him places at times but it's so hard to get up the guts. I keep telling myself nothing has happened since those 2 experiences so why am I freaking out? It's such a mind game. I hate it!!!!!!

    I am glad that someone mentioned B12. I remember taking that when I was about 18 and going through my first battle of severe anxiety. I might ask my Dr about it. I know it gave me more energy at the time. I also took xanax then.

    Hang in there! I would be glad to be supportive to you as much as I can be.

    Last edited by msmod; 07-05-2008 at 08:23 AM. Reason: Removed unnecessary quote. Ms_Mod

     
    Old 07-08-2008, 07:09 PM   #6
    scout316
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    Re: Have you lost your confidence?

    Hi....sorry it took me awhile to get back to you...the holiday and all...okay I was feeling severe anxiety and my hands were always cold with pins'needles feelinf and the dr. said my white count was low but nothing to worry bout.So I went to a hematologist(blood doctor)and she checked my B12 level...it was 278(in range)..the range is 200 to 1100,but she said that it was still low and she also checked my methylmalonic acid level which was sky high...which means a hidden B12 deficiency...so even if your dr. says your level is in range they need to check the other thing and also when levels are under 400 the dr. said a lot of people will start having symptoms....the anxiety was the worst one.oh yes and if your iron is low then that could be a sign your B12 is low too.I hope you feel better soon...it's worth getting things checked out.Best Regards,Scout

     
    Old 10-07-2008, 04:27 PM   #7
    tulum
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    Re: Have you lost your confidence?

    I TOTALLY agree with you that anxiety is caused by low self-esteem or feeling unimportant.

    Yours does not sound that bad so please get a grip on it now before it gets worse. Start doing things JUST FOR YOU and that make you feel good to pamper yourself. Don't allow ANYONE to make you feel bad about yourself-always protect yourself-be a little selfish-if you don't feel like doing something, don't!

    These are all mistakes I made and now I am sufferring.

    Hope this helps you even a bit.

    Take up hobbies.
    Go to the salon or spa.
    Dress up every day.
    Set aside time for yourself.
    Help others.
    Hang out with friends and family.
    Plan your day with lots of activities.

     
    Old 10-08-2008, 02:58 PM   #8
    mizzaj
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    Re: Have you lost your confidence?

    I've always had general anxiety, but recently it has gotten worse. I think part of the reason is that the surgery I had to remove my gallbladder has not improved my symptoms. (I was told there was only a 50/50 chance that it would).

    My most recent anxiety attack came in the middle of a presentation I was giving. Normally I feel very confident giving presentations, and it's the one thing that I've always excelled at. To have a random attack in the middle of a presentation (after I had already started out fine) was completely blindsiding for me. I gave a presentation again yesterday and managed to get through it, but I felt nervous and anxious for most of it. This really depresses me because this was one of the few things that I had HIGH self-esteem about.

    I also agree that it has to do with feeling unimportant. Or rather in my case, not important enough. Therefore, I TOTALLY agree with the suggestions of finding hobbies, time for yourself, etc. Not only is it a good distraction, but it helps build the self-esteem you may be lacking. I'm having problems finding hobbies that stick (I've tried guitar, knitting, etc), but hopefully I will find something that helps. Aside from that, I'm someone who has always based my worth on external circumstances-- one of the main ones being my job because I don't have a boyfriend/husband/kids. And unfortunately, I have many days at work where I have nothing going on and I'm dreading knowing how I'll get through the day.

    I do take klonopin in the mornings when my anxiety is at it's highest, and that seems to help. But the bottom line is, not being occupied or "distracted" enough is a real contributor of anxiety to those of us who are hard wired to experience it. (I don't believe everyone who has low self-esteem or other issues develops anxiety-- we're just a lucky group!)

    Last edited by msmod; 10-08-2008 at 04:25 PM. Reason: Removed unnecessary quote. Ms_Mod

     
    Old 10-09-2008, 11:29 AM   #9
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    Re: Have you lost your confidence?

    I know what you mean about lost confidence. Most of my life I've had a remarkable drive inside me. Things happen, a couple health problems and wham I became a whimp. To much iosolation, perhaps? To help break this pattern, and additional anxiety attacks, I needed medication. But one thing that helps me a great deal is volunteering. Even if it is only 2 hours a week. There is no pressure and no one expects you to be perfect. Besides, you can always leave. Once I tried the humane society, but it was to soon after surgery and to physical. Others like to loose weight walking the dogs. I finally settled on a desk position at the hospital 3 hours a week. It has helped my confidence a great deal. The hard part is getting out and actually doing it. Once you are there, you smile and a new attitude sparks in you for all the good you are doing. If you find you don't "fit" find another organization close to your heart.
    Just a suggestion.

     
    Old 10-09-2008, 03:17 PM   #10
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    Re: Have you lost your confidence?

    I had panic attacks all the time when the kids were small - worrying that something would happen to me and they'd be left to fend for themselves when my husband was away. My husband is my safe person too - so are my parents. I go through phases of anxiety. At the moment I wouldn't take my kids to the movies because it would be too hard to sit there without a panic attack (mind you I have the emergency xanax in my bag). In the last couple of months I've had a couple of panic attacks in the car with my kids and it's been upsetting for them. It's made me feel really bad because it's scary for them (the ones in the car with me are 10 and 13). At one stage it was so bad that I was digging my nails into my arm to distract myself from the panic and the 13 year old was saying 'don't do that mum!' I'm sure he thought I was going off my head.

    what is causing your fear of dying hopeful? Mine was a family history of heart disease. every symptom I got I thought was a heart attack. but I recently had a stress echo and I feel a bit better. I think people like us who are naturally a bit anxious can get very overwhelmed and anxious about the responsibility of having children who are totally dependent on us. I've tried zoloft (which actually worked) and recently lexapro (which made me a bit manic) and I have xanax in my bag but I don't like it because it makes me tired and grumpy when it's wearing off.

    a couple of weeks ago I was so bad (couldn't sleep but soo tired, couldn't eat) that I said to my mother 'I feel like a little girl wanting someone to look after me.' It's pathetic. I'm 40!

     
    Old 10-11-2008, 03:56 PM   #11
    HopefulDoll
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    Re: Have you lost your confidence?

    Hi everyone,Hopeful back here!

    My goodness you all have mentioned exactly how I feel most of the time.

    I did go the medication route for a while but it messed me up even more,so now for the past few years Im trying to finally get to the real root of my problems and I think I nearly have figured out what things in my past got me to this state. I dont want to dwell on the past, I just want to move on and actually begin to live in peace.But I know that sorting out in my head what got me here is helping, but always keeping myself in the present!

    I would guess that most of you, like me, give the impression to the world that we are so confident and have it 'together' but inside we are actually leading 'quiet lives of desperation'. I believe I never really got to build up true confidence in myself because I learned how to be a people-pleaser from watching my mother. I have never been able to say want I wanted and what I didnt want.

    Great suggestions from you about giving time and attention to myself. I did just that lately and have just proven it works! Heres a little story for you:

    I had my 3rd child seven years ago.Couldnt lose the extra weight even though I watched my food and exercised 3 times per week. Not ONE pound did I lose! I had every kind of test done because I have thyroid nodules,stomach issues etc. All tests normal. So, suddenly I start to work on my confidence and reasons for lack of it and figure out that I dont feel Im worth very much and Im too fat (ony 20lbs) so I decide Im going to get a 'team' working for me. I found a nutritionist and a physio(to help sort my costochondritis which is what gave me my fear of a heart attack, that and seeing my father in law die suddenly in front of me from one) I only wanted a few sessions so it didnt cost much.

    Now, even my nutritionist said my diet had been very good and she only made very slight changes. I also started to look at myself in the mirror and not give myself a hard time but decided that I was perfectly ok as I was. What happens? I lose 14lbs, with just a little effort over 3 months, and have kept it off. To sum this all up...when I felt I was worth giving myself some attention by getting my little team on my side, I lost the weight that wouldnt budge for years!

    My anxiety is improving as I now dont try to please people so much.Still have a way to go yet though. I do have physical issues that can spark the anxiety but there's not much I can do about that, but at least Im working on the things that hopefully can be changed. Finally a slight light is shining at the end of the anxiety tunnel.

    Let me know how you are all doing and please do keep me in your prayers as I will do for you.

    Love, Hopeful

     
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