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I thought I had it licked - but here I am

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Old 04-21-2009, 11:38 AM   #1
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Kansas City, MO
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Cristi601 HB User
I thought I had it licked - but here I am

Well this just sucks. Background - I started having anxiety attacks about a year ago when I went on a bizzare and unsettling medical treasure hunt that nearly got me put on treatment for MS. I went to lots of doctors, had many, many unpleasant tests and received two unfortunate misdiagnoses. Long story short- I suffer from complicated vestobular migraines - which is way better than the alternatives that were on the table - eg. brain tumor, MS, stroke, Lyme Disease. You get the picture. Lots of stress, and turned out to be something very managable.

How this relates to anxiety. In the midst of all the drama, I developed anxiety attacks. I would argue a somewhat normal reaction to what was happening at the time. I spent a month or so on tranquilizers (not a good idea with a job, a husband and three children), followed by 4 horrendous weeks on Celexa (just not the drug for me - increased anxiety ten fold), before finally finding Zoloft. Ahh. Relief. Didn't enjoy the weight gain nor the incredibly low sex drive, but it was better than the alternative.

That was last July. Everything calmed down and I was able to wean off the Zoloft early last month. Cured! Right? Not so much. I am sooooo disappointed. I have been feeling edgy lately and a little concerned about where the general feeling was headed. And now I know. I just had a really nasty anxiety attack in the cafeteria at work for no apparent reason. It wasn't the worst one I have ever had but it was bad enough to warrant a trip to the quiet room for some obsesive compulsive pulse taking and somewhat useless deep breathing. Lasted 10 minutes, but I still feel like crap.

It's not that I am against medication. The Zoloft saved me. It's just that I really wanted and thought I was done with this. That is was a temporary response to an unusal situation and when the puzzle was solved, I would heal with time. It just makes me sad. None of us likes this feeling and I was really hoping I would never experience it again. No such luck. I'll give it some time, but I may be headed back to the Zoloft. And a refill of my empty Ativan bottle. Dang it.

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