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LL09 06-20-2009 09:42 PM

My Story
Alright Well here it goes, I will try to make it as short as possible but it's quite a trip.

So I am a 21 year old male going on 22 and here is the story. I had my first panic attack when I was 18 years old...on the last day of school! I had never felt anything like this before, I was the regular teenager

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<using drugs> partying getting into trouble never had one single problem with anxiety infact didn't even know what it was. So on this day I was sitting in class watching a movie and suddenly my heart started to pound very fast, I got tunnel vision and my whole body went numb, I thought I was having a heart attack. it passed after a couple min and I was so freaked out I left and went home thinking I was going to die. That whole weekend I layed in bed, I was so sick I couldn't go to any graduation parties and my own graduation was a struggle to get through, I think it freaked me out so much I got really sick just feeling like my life was over.

I had an EKG the next week and they said I was fine there was nothing wrong with me. Now at this point I still didn't know what I had and for the next year I thought that it was all a sign that my life was coming to an end and to be ready for it. I started to do a lot of research and came across Anxiety disorder and I had almost every symptom so thats what I came to the conclusion of it being. I have not been to a doctor about it because I haven't had health insurance for a couple years. It could be something very wrong with me health wise but I have a pretty good feeling It's just severe anxiety. but it's all day everyday it never goes away just subsides a little bit.

So heres the thing, I have been living with this for almost 4 years now, I learned to pretty much cope with it I will always tell myself everything is fine and I will feel good for a couple weeks and then all of a sudden even though I know what it will come back and I will think I am going to die or go crazy no matter how much I tell myself its just anxiety I still think well this is it this is the end. This has caused me many physical symptoms such as headaches, pain in my chest and left arm feeling numb....yet I have not had a heart attack in 3 years so im pretty sure it's just a physical symptom.

I also will feel detached from reality like I'm not really there, I will feel like I am going to drop dead in front of everyone, or lose my mind and go to the mental hospital. It is the most horrible and uncomfortable feeling possible. know one I know can relate with me because know one has anything like this. It was okay for a while and then this past august My girlfriend left me after 5 years together, I was a wreck, deppressed everyday didn't care if I was alive or not....I have never been a sad person and this was just tearing me apart I started drinking every night and I was not fun to be around. After December I decided to grow up and start getting my life back together...

I finished my Cd ( I am in the hip/hop industry) put it out and was feeling great, no problems or regrets just feeling good about myself and this went on for 2 months or so. Now in the Past week I have had probably the worst Anxiety I have had in 4 years. I went to vegas for my buddies 21st and was fine there but 2 of the days I thought I was having a heart attack, the sharp pains and numbness came back in my left arm and I thought I was going to drop dread in Cesars palace ( how lame!) and that pretty much ruined the rest of my trip, When I came back I just felt the same, horrible, detached,in pain and feeling like I was going to die and it's still going on right now. I have never been on meds just always got natural stuff from vitamin cottage but really am thinking it is time for it.

I don't understand why I am even feeling like this, I have been happy, I dont talk to my EX girlfriend at all, I even have a new girl in my life who I am hoping to have something with in the future. I follow all the steps to try and get rid of it and this is how I am feeling now. There is a lot more to the story that I left out but it was long enough as it was. So thanks for taking the time to read it.

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Sinopa2 07-07-2009 02:55 PM

Re: My Story
Hi LyricsRLife, I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story! It helped me to hear it, to hear somebody else talk about being in the same situation that I'm in, and reading it actually calmed me down :) I bet you can appreciate how good that is! So thank you. I hope something works out for you, and I hope you're doing okay. Good luck on working through this!!

ritualangst 07-10-2009 08:15 PM

Re: My Story
thank you for sharing your very painful story- you have described verbatim how i feel when i have an anxiety/panic attack- i honestly never thought i would read the same words explaining how i feel from someone else- it is so good to know though we may be suffering at least we are not suffering alone- i hope you will find some happiness with the new girl in your life and remember to never give up- we can beat this!!

luvmysoccerkids 07-12-2009 01:14 AM

Re: My Story
THanks for sharing your story. It's always good to know you're not alone. I hope you'll be able to see a Dr soon.

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