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    Old 07-10-2010, 06:52 PM   #16
    pam29
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    Re: Anxiety over not feeling in love please please help

    No problem, I'm here. Trust me, I cry a lot on my sister because it's so hard to ignore the awful thoughts and feelings. It's only 9:45pm for me ( I live in Ottawa, Canada) so I'm wide awake with you It's going to be ok. You do love him and you're just so tired right now that it's hard to fight the anxiety. This is why you can't feel the love you have for him right now. Are you able to meditate? Close your eyes, take deep breaths in and out and only focus on your breathing. As you are in haling and exhaling, say the word "relax" to your self.

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    Old 07-10-2010, 07:02 PM   #17
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    Re: Anxiety over not feeling in love please please help

    Thank you so so much

    The meditation has helped a little, I can at least remember how I felt last night again - I know you're right, it is just exhaustion, I'm just so used to getting off to sleep thinking happy thoughts about him.

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    Old 07-10-2010, 07:25 PM   #18
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    Re: Anxiety over not feeling in love please please help

    <edit>

    Was also a good distraction, don't know if that was intended! But thank you

    Do you are get that depersonalisation thing? Getting that right now, its horrible but weirdly comforting - like I know its the anxiety and not really me feeling this way.

    Last edited by ms_mod; 07-11-2010 at 08:16 AM. Reason: Removed off topic discussion. Ms_Mod

     
    Old 07-10-2010, 07:30 PM   #19
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    Re: Anxiety over not feeling in love please please help

    <edit>

    I find if I'm not freaking out about how I feel, I just feel numb like I have no feelings for anything or anyone : / We have to just keep telling ourselves that it is just anxiety.

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    Old 07-10-2010, 07:40 PM   #20
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    Re: Anxiety over not feeling in love please please help

    <edit>

    I feel exactly the same way - like I find someone pops into my head and I realise I haven't thought about them in ages and I can't really find the strength to care. Right now I kind of feel that way except I feel like I'm bobbing up and down, like I'm on a boat or something.

    Do you think the anxiety ever goes away?

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    Old 07-10-2010, 07:46 PM   #21
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    Re: Anxiety over not feeling in love please please help

    <edit>

    I'm sorry to say but I don't think anxiety ever goes away for people like us. It may become manageable but once you get past one hurdle ( like not knowing how you truly feel) a new obstacle will get in the way. I do truly believe though we can get better ( maybe just not 100% cured) but what do I know. I suppose if we're strong enough and determined enough, anything is possible.

    Last edited by ms_mod; 07-11-2010 at 08:18 AM. Reason: Removed off topic discussion. Ms_Mod

     
    Old 07-10-2010, 07:56 PM   #22
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    Re: Anxiety over not feeling in love please please help

    Haha, I'm so glad you (kind of) agree with me!

    I wish the anxiety would go away. I'm kind of dead set on the idea that all this is caused by something I don't remember in the past - like a childhood memory which has stuck and only come to light now from being triggered. I've noticed my doctor/therapist is qualified in hypnosis - been toying with the idea of asking him to put me under, maybe find out where all this is coming from - let the subconscious have a go at saying something.

    See when you're with your fiance, do you ever feel like there's something blocking you from being totally with him? Like its almost physical with me - I could feel it in my head one time and then in my stomach the next. Does that make any sense?

     
    Old 07-10-2010, 08:04 PM   #23
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    Re: Anxiety over not feeling in love please please help

    Seriously, I too wish it would go away. I never had it this bad until I started looking at houses with my fiance. It's like my subconscious started freaking out because I knew things were going to be changing. Yes I do feel like that. Like something is getting in your way. Sometimes if I'm feeling really crappy I almost feel like I'm faking how I feel for him. I've always been pretty good at hiding my anxiety. Then I try to just close my eyes for a few minutes and take deep breaths.

    That sounds like a great idea, hypnosis. You never know what you may find out. I definitely agree that there is some underlying reason as to what triggers the anxiety. I've actually been told that my subconscious is being inaccurate. It's leading me to believe that there is something wrong with my relationship ship but it's wrong.

     
    Old 07-10-2010, 08:22 PM   #24
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    Re: Anxiety over not feeling in love please please help

    I sometimes think I am faking it too - but other times I catch myself not thinking about whether I love him or not, and that's when I feel most like me, and when I know that I love him. I'm clearly not as disciplined as you though - I have the techniques to calm me down, but I get so frustrated about having to do them all the time that I get in a worse state! You've unfortunately had more practice than me though - this just knocked me out the blue nearly a month ago now, so I'm still struggling to come to terms with it.

    I think thats why I really want hypnosis - like I was so incredibly in love with no doubt in my mind at all just a few weeks ago, there must be a reason for it happening all of a sudden. My subconscious must be wrong, but there must also be a reason why its wrong, and it must be something either constant (which I suspect) or something I can't remember - or, I suppose, both. The only thing that scares me is that my subconscious says 'no, you just don't love him' - but I get the feeling from my therapist that he's certain its something to do with my past - and I hope he might suggest hypnosis himself.

    Would you ever have that done? I don't suppose you need to - you seem to know where its coming from, which must be a blessing and a curse in equal measure.

    Its now 430 here, so I figure it must be getting close to midnight in Canada - I should let you get to sleep!

     
    Old 07-10-2010, 08:31 PM   #25
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    Re: Anxiety over not feeling in love please please help

    Trust me, I still have a hard time calming myself down. I often have to turn to my sister for help and reassurance. I go through phases where I need her reassurance everyday because I just can't find it myself. It is very hard but I try. Sometimes I don't know if I try hard enough though.


    I would totally have it done, you do remember I went to psychics right?? LOL!! I would do anything that I think could help. For sure there must be some underlying factor as to why this was triggered. I do truly believe, like your doctor, your family has a big role in how you feel. You deal with so much and it's just not fare for you. Have you recently thought about moving out or anything like that?

    Ya, it's 11:30 now. I'm getting pretty tired. My fiance has passed out watching a movie and is snoring like crazy LOL!!!! That'll be something to get used to, living with someone.

     
    Old 07-10-2010, 08:47 PM   #26
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    Re: Anxiety over not feeling in love please please help

    The psychic thing intrigues me - weren't you terrified though?! I'm not entirely sure I believe in those kind of things, but like you said, anything to find peace!

    I'm pretty sure my family does play a part in it all too, but I think when I'm at home, I get in to a place where I think 'it can't be' - but then again, what bothers us in our conscious minds is often a mask to the real problem - I hope at least!

    I did seriously consider moving out earlier in the year - things had become so bad at home I just wanted out, to the extent that I was willing to live on my own. Financially right now though, its not an option, and if I spend too much time away from home, there are many many complaints. I've considered staying with my boyfriend on a more permanent basis, but the feeling that I might hurt my mum by doing that is too strong.

    I'll let you sleep, you must be as tired as your man! Hope you manage to have a restful sleep, thanks so much for keeping me company I owe you one!

     
    Old 07-10-2010, 09:14 PM   #27
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    Re: Anxiety over not feeling in love please please help

    hello you two. I've read all of your back and forth stuff and see a lot of similarities with what i'm going through! i too go through periods where it feels like i'm faking it and wonder if i really love her or not. and it gets me upset when she tells me how great she thinks i am and how much she loves me because i wish i could give it back that way. but when i'm feeling fine it feels really good and natural and right. and there is usually no difference in the days if you know what i mean. one weekend i might feel great, and another one i'll feel anxious and nervous for no reason because we are doing the exact same thing as the other weekend.

    i too have always been an over thinker. i remember when i was younger, maybe 10-15 yrs old i would always have my radio on while i went to sleep because i would think too much. looking back on my life i can remember anxious moments and have had panic attacks in the past. the first 2 moments i remember are the incident at school with the ear ache, and a chorus concert that i got really nervous for and throw up in the hall way with my dad on the way to the concert. and i wasn't even doing a solo or anything! through out college i had issues with a nervous stomach. at the beginning of each semester i remember it would take me a couple weeks or a month to get feeling relaxed and in a routine. alchohol and cigarettes helped to calm my nerves too back then! i don't drink or smoke anymore either, but sometimes i wish i could because i know that would really help me for that moment but i know it's not good so i don't. and i remember another big episode when i was a freshman. i had a big crush on this girl i knew and i didn't know what to do about it. i didn't know how to make a move or try to take it to the next level. and i kept obsessing about it and constantly thinking about it. everyday i would wake up and almost immidiatly get a stomach ache. it was awful. i don't think i thought i could handle a relationship or would know what to do. eventualy i said screw this and stopped worrying about it. i also found out she only liked me as a friend so that helped. but i still had a crush on her for the rest of college but it never got as bad as it did when i was a freshman. i never dated anyone the rest of college. i went on a few dates but that was about it.

    sorry this is so long but i wanted to share my history with you two because i think you 2 would really understand me!!!

    then when i was a junior, i caught a really weird bacteria called h. pylori and that really threw me for a loop. for about 4 or 5 months i was getting bad stomach pains and didn't feel right and the school doctor couldn't find anything wrong with me. they thought it was just in my head but i knew something was just not right. it felt like a fork being scrapped on the inside of your stomach. but i finally found a doctor that diagnosed it and put me on a lot of medicine to get rid of it. he said i could have gotten it from anything, food, dirty hands, anything that would go in my mouth. so after i got better, i started worrying about getting it again. and every time i would eat, afterwards i would get a stomach ache thinking about whether or not i would get it again. and this lead to panick attacks that were off and on for several years. but i can't remember the last time i got one so that's good.

    but then, when i met and started dating my future wife, i really liked her and would get nervous on dates and stuff, but that's normal for the beginning. but about 5 months in a had a week off from work and just went into panic mode for no real reason other than worrying about is she the one for me or not, and how will i know and stuff like that. i was obsessing and constantly thinking about that for the whole week. i also had just started trying to quit smoking too so i think that didn't help. so that was the first time that happened, and that kept happening everyonce in a while. and everytime it would i would think, well if this was really working out, then i wouldn't be thinking about it this much so we must not be right for eachother even though there's nothing really wrong with us except for me thinking about these things and questioning these things. and from there it would just snowball and snowball. eventually it would go away and i would just think that it's just an ajustment period and it would just go away for good eventually. but it would still pop up everyonce in a while for no real reason. and now it's always in the back of my mind like you guys said, likes it's always right around the corner. it's so annoying!!! it's like i don't want to let myself be happy. when i am happy, it's so great, but there's always a little voice in the background wondering if it's coming back.

    i tried therapy for a little bit but i was worried he would just say i married the wrong person and the only thing i could do to fix it would be to seperate. and i don't want that, there is nothing more in the world that i want than for this to work out and be great for many years to come. but sometimes i feel like i'm trying to fit a square peg in a round hole and i have no idea why!!! i didn't really like the guy so i stopped after about 4 sessions and haven't tried another one since.

    i have been seeing a phsychiatrist but that's mainly for medication monitoring. i've been taking anti-depressants since about Nov/Dec of last year. at first i thought all of this might have just been a thyroid problem because that can cause anxiety and depression. have either of you had that checked? my has been a little off for some time but nothing major. i was put on thyroid medicine for a little bit but that really made me nuts! i think i had too big of a dose for me and it really hightend my anxiety, that was not fun at all. that got me to the current doctor that i see now and he thinks it's just a chemical imbalance because it's been off and on for a long time and i have a family history of aniety and depression on my father's side. my father and his sister have had it and still do. first i was on lexipro but that gave me really bad side effects so i switched to zoloft. he started me on a real low dosage to try to ease me into it. after a couple weeks i did notice a change for a couple days. then i slid down the mountain again so he raised it a little bit. then i felt better a couple weeks later and for longer than the first time. but then slid down the mountain again. and i've gone through that a couple more times so i'm still trying to find the right dosage. but it's kind of frustrating and seems to lead me back to questioning my relationship again which i'm trying to block out because it's stupid to think that! but i can't help it! and i think you two understand that so that's really nice!!!

    So that's where i'm at now. have either of you been on medication? it's pretty tricky because it's really just trial and error until you find the right medication and the right dosage. unfortunately it's still a mystery on how to fix it right away. it's not like a broken leg or anything. hopefully someday it will be. but it does seem to work so there is hope in that!!!

    thanks for reading all of this and it's nice that someone out there knows what i'm talking about and that i'm not the only one that is going through it.

     
    Old 07-10-2010, 09:18 PM   #28
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    Re: Anxiety over not feeling in love please please help

    .....oh and another thing...i too have a desk job where i have a lot of time to think and dwell on things and it's not good when i'm in one of my moods! it's like all i can think about. and this is the first board i've been on in a long long time because i would often find things that would freak me out rather than help me. so you guys were thr first one i found when i took another look on Friday!

     
    Old 07-11-2010, 05:40 PM   #29
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    Re: Anxiety over not feeling in love please please help

    Hey PG,

    You have for sure been on quite the anxiety ride. I never went any further past high school because I just coulnd't handle it. The stress was too much for me. I'm glad you came across our posts and for sure you're not alone with the "uncertain" feelings. When I started dating my fiance, about 6 months into our relationship is when I started freaking out. It would come and go every couple months so I did my best to ignore it and I just figured I was being an "emotional girl".

    When I went to my family doctor back in early October I explained what was going through my head and how I felt. His response was " I don't see the problem, so break up with him" and " so move out then". He was no help what so ever, made me worse, gave me some anti-depressant which lasted 2 pills because it made me crazy. He had me tested for thyroid but i heard nothing so I assume it's not that. In the beginning of November is when I saw the psychiatrist and was told I suffer from Separation anxiety. It made me feel better knowing that this can cause me to question my feelings but I do still struggle everyday. For sure when I'm at work, it's worse. Even if I'm really busy I still have the negative thoughts in my mind. Work is not a good distraction for me.

    I don't want to go on any medications because I don't want to hit a point where I want to have kids but I'm on meds. I've been taking natural remedies like St. Johns Wort, vitamin b complex, and a few other things. I've even started going to Acupunture which is very helpful to relax. Chammomile tea is also very good to help you relax.

    I too have a lot of stomach issues and I always worry if I "eat this or that" will I have to run to the bathroom. I suppose this goes hand in hand with the anxiety. I too really hate how it can make you have such false thoughts. I try to do deep breathing as much as I can but it can be hard sometimes.

    I had a pretty good weekend, I was pretty busy so I didn't really freak out but yes, it was lurking at the back of my mind. I really hate when my fiance and I try to be intimate and I start off good but sometimes I find my mind wondering : /

    Well, I hope you had a great weekend and try to stay positive.

     
    Old 07-13-2010, 09:06 PM   #30
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    Re: Anxiety over not feeling in love please please help

    Hello,
    I have been having the same problem with my boyfriend. So it's nice to know that I'm not alone (or crazy). I haven't been diagnosed with anxiety but when I read about it I can relate to all the symptoms. I'm only in high school and I know that's when your hormones are going crazy and your just trying to figure your self out. But I feel like I am stressing out more then a normal teen about simple things. I've always been shy since I was young. But in 10th grade I just became this very self conscious, worry wart, nervous, over thinker. I've been dating my boyfriend for fourteen months now. I would always worry about if he loved me and would worry about anything that could brake us up. I finally stopped doing that about a month ago. But out of no where I got this thought that I didn't love him. It came out of the blue. I became very depressed and felt like I had to break up because I didn't want to stay with a person if my feelings are false. But all I wanted to do is stay and hope things would go back to normal. When I saw him I kept on worrying if I did love him to where the point where I couldn't have fun. I don't mean to ramble on I just have trouble putting my thoughts down. I'm still with him now and things seem to be getting better. When I talk to him I get nervous and freak out thinking I don't love him. But then I push into to the back of my mind and realize I do and I'm just making this big doubt monster. I always wanted him around and thought maybe he is the guy for me. But now when I think about that I get nervous/nacious/anxiety and wonder will I'll be happy etc. Will this ever go away? All I want is everything to go back to normal. But I get scared that it can't and I get upset.
    Sorry for writing a lot!

     
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