It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Anxiety Message Board

Journey through anxiety.

Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 07-04-2011, 05:55 AM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 5
TheLostNFound HB User
Unhappy Journey through anxiety.

How it all began. Well Im not quite sure where to start really. Sometime shortly after I was 18 I began having panic attacks and extreme social anxiety disorder. It all started on a normal day, I was at wal-mart for a walk through on fire safety training. I was going to start work there that same week. Well as I was standing with the group looking at escape exits in case of emergencies I started to black out. I grabbed my boyfriend’s neck before I went all the way down and he helped me to my feet. I went home and had my mother take me to the hospital to get me checked out. The nurse gave me a once over (blood pressure check, lung capacity, etc.) and told me I had anxiety. She prescribed me medication called paxil. I started to take it and didn’t have anxiety for a couple months so I decided I would get off of it. Things went well for a while until I moved back to VA from ID. I drove for 5 days across the country going through withdraws, it was not a good experience.

When I arrived to VA me and my boyfriend broke up and I started seeing someone else. I got pregnant and continued to party not caring and getting drunk all the time. I had a miscarriage. For one reason or another I just started to withdraw from socialized society. I stopped going anywhere, wouldn’t check the mail, wouldn’t leave my apartment. My mom had me checked out by a doctor who prescribed me Effexor. That was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me. Each time I would go back I would tell her that I didn’t think it was working and it was only getting worse. So she upped the dose. She upped the dose so much that I couldn’t get any higher unless I had a psychiatric evaluation. They wanted to put me away. I think I was already put away. All I did all day was sit in the same room looking at the walls. Afraid to open the door. If the phone rang I would panic because I didn’t want to talk to anyone.

When things started to get better (before they got worse): Well the apartment lease was up and they were raising the rates so I moved in with my step dad and his new wife. My current boyfriend moved in too but that was not for very long because he met someone at his job and left me quickly. He couldn’t put up with my antics anymore. Antics would be panicking in the car, running out of the store in fear of being trapped. Just sick of my sickness, he made sure I was safe and then went on with his life. I withdrew from Effexor cold turkey. My brain was on a water bed or so it felt, my head felt like it had been through shock therapy. This was the worst I have ever felt. Finally when I was fully clear of the toxic medication I started to work with my dad in his masonry business. I was able to go for truck rides and work myself until I was too tired to stand but I still could not be social until one day when I found out what alcohol was. I had a couple beers one night and had a friend pick me up. I was able to go out to the store without feeling extremely anxious. Now it started to become a habit, every time I wanted to go out I would have a beer first to calm my nerves. Each month it would turn into me having to drink just a little bit more. I was surprised one day to get an email from a guy He wanted to meet me and hang out. Well I did and went about it the same way as normal, drinking a couple beers before he picked me up. Things got worse when things got serious. We dated for 3 months before I moved in. Well before I moved in I could think of ways to drink without him knowing and so I was able to hide it pretty well. When I moved in with him I kind of tamped down my anxiety just enough to wait until we went out at night for me to drink. His parents drank too so I would sneak some of their wine or beer and take it into the shower with me to get drunk. I did this for nearly 5 years. 2 beers a day turned to 6 beers a day, then 12, then 18.

We went for a vacation to Las Vegas for the world series of poker in July of 2009. For the entire trip I was drunk mostly from sitting at a poker table asking for beers every 10 min. or so. On the second day of the trip I began getting manic. Although I was drunk I felt sober. All night long there were only 2 words that went through my head “Just jump”. I was on the brink of suicide. I felt completely hopeless and scared. I ended up leaving the vacation early because a relative died but I had never experienced something so scary as that. My mind was telling me to smash the window of our 23rd floor hotel room with the TV and jump out. Luckily I got through it without acting on it but it still gives me chills to this day. For the final year of our relationship I was drinking upwards of 20 beers a day. Finally in Oct. of 2009 I was hospitalized with alcoholic gastritis and told to stop drinking or Id die. I weighed 89 lbs because I stopped eating and drank my dinners. Slept until 3 pm and stayed up drinking until I blacked out at 5 am.

How it ended: All I ever needed was for someone to tell me I was worth a damn and listen to me.

I had met a friend on the internet. We spent a lot of time together playing computer games online, he is my best friend. I got really drunk one night and told him that I thought I loved him. He reciprocated. It was because of him that I quit drinking. It was because of him that I left the 5 year relationship 3 days later. It is because of him that I am alive today. I have not had a single panic attack or alcohol for almost 2 years. Im able to be social and actually look forward to events now. I love the life that I was given a second chance at. One thing that helped me accept things was truth. Just tell the truth to the ones you love, feeling the need to hide only exacerbates anxiety.

Hope is a very powerful thing, true love is able to conquer even the darkest moments of your life.

We are now married and I am 3 weeks away from delivering our son.

Last edited by ms_mod; 07-04-2011 at 07:28 AM. Reason: Removed banned word, if a word comes up like this *** in your post, use of that word is banned on this website. Ms_Mod

The following 2 users give hugs of support to: TheLostNFound
Marlin73 (07-28-2011),RolandofTX (07-28-2011)
Sponsors Lightbulb
Old 07-10-2011, 02:29 PM   #2
mintcopper's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1
mintcopper HB User
Re: Journey through anxiety.

Thank-you for sharing your story.Even everything you have went through you are the lucky one.Someone saved your life many don't get a second chance.Good luck with your new life and your little child.

Last edited by ms_mod; 07-10-2011 at 03:16 PM. Reason: Removed long quote. Ms_Mod

Old 07-28-2011, 08:01 AM   #3
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 24
RolandofTX HB User
Re: Journey through anxiety.

Wow. That is an amazing story. You are blessed.

Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Anxiety sashmari Anxiety 1 04-07-2011 03:04 PM
My anxiety journey 00sop00 Share Your Anxiety Story 0 05-06-2010 11:18 AM
Coping With Anxiety Archimedis Share Your Anxiety Story 0 04-30-2010 10:02 PM
My lifetime anxiety got worse AZMan07 Share Your Anxiety Story 0 01-31-2010 11:12 AM
i have serious anxiety problems raynamarie Share Your Anxiety Story 0 06-15-2009 11:56 PM
Another Anxiety Story....Mine. dreamingdenali Anxiety 3 03-24-2009 12:01 PM
Free floating anxiety puffy1 Share Your Anxiety Story 0 03-24-2009 11:56 AM
anxiety... aweeze Anxiety 1 11-23-2008 12:18 PM
ANXIETY DEPRESSION OCD story footrest39 Anxiety 3 02-10-2008 10:04 AM

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:06 AM.

Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
© 1998-2018 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!