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bigdunc81 04-20-2012 09:16 AM

anxiety ruining a perfect relationship...
 
please could anybody offer me some worthwhile advice......im dating my girlfriend for 5 and a half years and i adore her.about 2 yrs ago we bought a house together and could not have been more excited.just as things were going through i suffered the first panic attack of my life.this put all sorts of doubt and craziness in my head and almost pulled the plug...however as i loved her so much i knew i was doing the right thing and carried on regardless.eventually after visiting my doc and taking lexapro my mood improved and the next 6 months were good.unfortunately i relapsed again and after another chat with my doctor and reacquainting myself wit lexapro i carried on........my anxiety has been coming and going ever since and now we have a little girl.steadily my anxiety has worsened and lately im having incredibly distressing intrusive thoughts about not loving my girlfriend.....i love her sooooo much but my mind(anxiety)keeps telling me otherwise.i know breaking up wont make me happy but my anxiety seems to be screaming at me to cut loose....can anyone relate to this?????please share if you do...............

flamesabers 04-20-2012 01:14 PM

Re: anxiety ruining a perfect relationship...
 
Hello bigdunc81.

I can't personally relate to your situation but I would suggest giving individual and/or group therapy a try. A therapist may be able to help you identify what is triggering your anxiety and what you can do to better cope with your distressing and intrusive thoughts.

d0ink 04-20-2012 01:47 PM

Re: anxiety ruining a perfect relationship...
 
Sounds like obsessive thoughts to me. Perhaps caused by the medication itself. It could be your mind tricking you and anxiety telling you to flee the new situation by splitting up. Of course it would make your life less stressful, but think about all the things you would miss.

bigdunc81 04-21-2012 03:28 AM

Re: anxiety ruining a perfect relationship...
 
thanks so much for replying guys....very appreciative.i forgot to mention i am actually receiving counselling and while it helps it doesnt comfort me sufficiently enough to suppress my anxiety.im seriously considering just quitting taking the lexapro.just last night i had my worst period since this all started and ive heard a lot of people on forums like this criticise lexapro and say it only serves to compound dark feelings......is this true??ive been on it for about two months and its risen to 15mg in the last wk............thanks again

d0ink 04-21-2012 04:00 AM

Re: anxiety ruining a perfect relationship...
 
If you increase the amount of anti-depressants it is normal to have increased anxiety for a while. Also if you take it for two months only it might still take to feel the full benefit.

If you stop taking it, I would suggest to wean yourself of and not quitting cold turkey. If you feel anxious now, quitting cold turkey would make it so much worse that you would probably start taking it again. These medications are not like any other pill. They have a huge impact on the whole body and should be used carefully.

It is true that these medications do not solve the problem and camouflage your feelings. But if you learn to cope with the feelings and have more healthy look at life in general it will help you to get off the drugs and stay off them for good.

bigdunc81 04-21-2012 10:35 AM

Re: anxiety ruining a perfect relationship...
 
Thank you so much,i genuinely appreciate your input.i notice you use the same healing mantra as dr claire weekes.is she somebody whose literature youve used yourself.im currently reading a book of hers and find it pretty helpful although im a little sceptical of my ability to accept my thoughts,"float" past them and move on.how exactly do i do that???i do agree that fear is the main culprit in making me feel this way and confidence will suppress it but i suppose the fact im not sure how to "float" leaves me lacking in decisiveness and confidence.sorry for rabbitting on....im just so eager to find out a method to deal with this......thanks again

d0ink 04-21-2012 02:21 PM

Re: anxiety ruining a perfect relationship...
 
You are right, I did take my signature from her book "Hope And Help For Your Nerves". I am currently reading through it a second time as I do believe that I did not get everything right the first time I read it. It is not a story book that you read once. It is more like a collection of hints that help you and you might want to look at it as needed.

I hope you are already facing your fear instead of "running away" from it. I tried that before and while it worked sometimes it did not bring relief as I was repeatedly worried of what might happen when the fear comes again. This is also something that Dr. Weekes writes about and she is right.

Well for accepting is the second step you will have to do (or try doing) it many times until you get the feeling that you are actually able to accept what you think and feel. Definitely a good thing is to stop blaming yourself for the feelings and thoughts you have as it makes matters only worse. Try positive affirmations, like: "I fully love and accept myself and trust the process of life. I am safe.". Or "I acknoledge myself and my feelings.". Never fight your feelings. They are normal, but exaggarated by your sensitized nerves.

bigdunc81 04-23-2012 04:02 AM

Re: anxiety ruining a perfect relationship...
 
What you say makes a lot of sense and when i feel well i feel inspired to put advice like yours in to action but inevitably i slip back in to my negative thoughts and feel utterly deflated.i guess im just on a constant search for reassurances that my relationship is going to last.it feels like pure self-sabotage because shes an amazing person/mother/friend and i scarcely believe i deserve her.if anything,she should question why she bothers with me.....im utterly confused as to why this is happening.....

d0ink 04-23-2012 01:23 PM

Re: anxiety ruining a perfect relationship...
 
I know what you are talking about. I also have these episodes where I feel like there is nothing in my life that matters to me anymore. But in these times I now tell myself that it is only bad mood, which everyone has now and then. Only we are more sensitive and feel it more intensely. Remember the times when you were feeling fine and imagine the feeling it was like. Try to feel how you felt when you were fine. When you had good mode and everything mood sense and you felt motivated to do what you wanted to. This does help!

sod166 04-26-2012 07:50 PM

Re: anxiety ruining a perfect relationship...
 
I can relate! i've been dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years and almost two months ago i started doubting our relationship I don't know why, but I knew... know I love him! I still do it and i'm on Celexa and its only been about 4 weeks and I have good days and bad, mostly bad, but I know he is worth it and that is what I keep telling myself! I KNOW I would be miserable without him, so when those thoughts come up I try to turn it around and face it, I was using him as a trigger for things and I started saying ok instead of being anxious about going home and seeing him (on my drive home) I would think of something fun for us too do... go for a walk, watch american idol lol I know, but it turns something negative into a positive. I just want you to know you are not alone!!!

Good Luck!

bigdunc81 05-03-2012 05:54 AM

Re: anxiety ruining a perfect relationship...
 
Obviously im not happy that you are going through this awful affliction but im so relieved im not on my own.part of this terrible feeling makes me constantly seek reassurances that im right to persevere even though i have these terrible gnawing feelings.....thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me.i certainly dont take it for granted.i admire your strength in constantly telling yourself that this is the right thing to do.....i know its not easy..........plus the american idol thing???i absolutely can relate.im always looking for my favourite tv shows to perk up my day.so if that makes you a little sad,i guess we have a club!!!!:-) thanks again

sod166 05-03-2012 10:28 AM

Re: anxiety ruining a perfect relationship...
 
I know what you mean. I feel like I am always needing reassurance as well, and it's hard to get that sometimes! Especially sinces everyones is so different. And sometime even though i know there are people who have felt similar out there I still think 'well what if its not... what if I'm making the anxiety up' and 'what if i don't love him'. We really are our own worst enemies in this regard! I'm not sure about you but one of my biggest thing after thinking this and feeling like that is the guilt. I have the hardest time with that, I think how could I feel like that when I know he is such an amazing, good boyfriend. I'm not sure if you deal with that as well? But it is so reassuring knowing that this can happen to other people and we aren't alone. And I definitely go through stages of one minute everything is good and normal than my brain kicks in and its like well how do you feel and why are you feeling like this.... but yet my heart hurts anytime I think like that, too I should just break up with him! But going through that has also made me realize how much I don't want that! Which is good and it's one thing I try to concentrate on when those thoughts come. I don't know if you write things down but for a while I was doing a 'rational' thought of the day, and usually it was "today's going to be a good day" or "you can't control everything... stop trying" or "you know you love him" and when I was having a bad day I would read this and almost chant it until I started to calm down!

The medication has started to help and I don't feel so on edge but what really bugs me is, I know I have had these thoughts about him so I go back to them and rethink it all over and it can seem to be a constant thing I do! Frustrating!

Sorry I never meant to make that so long, I just started typing and thinking so I hope you have started to feel better! And I'm glad it helped! Please keep in touch, your story has helped me a lot and I appreciate you sharing it!! Thank-you!

bigdunc81 05-03-2012 03:22 PM

Re: anxiety ruining a perfect relationship...
 
Please dont apologise,all of your feedback can only help.id read pages and pages if you had posted them.all of what youre describing just resonates with me so much.symptoms are so similar yet despite knowing that others suffer the same thing,our mind still wanders back into that dreaded zone of "do i?,dont i?".surely our mind should compute that we are experiencing something very normal but somehow it doesnt.thats the frustrating part.part of the problem may be ironically that we are searching for a magic answer on forums like this when really we should be living our lives as normally as possible and relieving our minds of the constant worry.its only wearing us down.im reading a book by paul david called "at last a life".hes an ex-sufferer who knows the method of losing anxiety.its pretty good so far and im sure if you could put it into practice properly it really would work.maybe you could try it and see.sadly thus far though i havent come across a scenario like ours......how special are we :-)

RockFan1984 05-04-2012 03:54 AM

Re: anxiety ruining a perfect relationship...
 
Yes. The key thing that I found in his post was "intrusive thoughts". That's a big big red flag for OCD symptoms. He needs to look into seeing an anxiety specializing therapist and discuss OCD and seek OCD treatment. I've had it for 15 years.

Anxiousgrl35 05-05-2012 09:24 AM

Re: anxiety ruining a perfect relationship...
 
Wow... I'm so sorry. I too, am having the "just cut it off" thoughts going on in my head. I've only been with my guy a year, a year of stress and problems i must say, and I'm starting to blame him for some of my anxiety/panic problems. I saw him two weeks ago last, everything was going alright.. we got together and he was cranky, and quiet, and that in turn made me very on edge. I took him home early because i was struggling to drive that night, nerves i guess, and ive been afraid to see him ever since then..that was right before my panic and anxiety attacks started happening. My mind is saying break it off now, ill be better off, but im wondering if its just the fact that im scared of his mood swings, and if im going to lose it in front of him. I wish you the best. I was on Lexapro a while ago, and all it did for me is make me fat, and make me want to be by myself.

sod166 05-06-2012 11:25 AM

Re: anxiety ruining a perfect relationship...
 
I'm really sorry to hear that you are struggling with this... have you had anxiety before this relationship or has it just started? And did you try anything else other than Lexapro? Have you talked to him in the last couple of weeks? I live with my boyfriend, we have been dating for 2 1/2 years and we live together so I struggle with it in front of him, he has been very supportive and knows how I feel. Have you tried talking to your guy, Anxiousgrl35? Does he know that you struggle with anxiety?

I know I struggle with "wanting to just end the relatonship" but than I ask myself would I feel better afterwards? Is this really what I want? I know I won't so I try to push through the upset, angry, frustrated phase and try to think of the good things in your relationship. Someone once told me that people with anxiety want the quick fix, whether its really whats best for us or not? I'm not sure if this will help or not but I would say to go and talk to someone about how you have been feeling, they might be able to help you figure out why its started. I hope this helps and good luck!

bigdunc81 05-07-2012 04:20 AM

Re: anxiety ruining a perfect relationship...
 
Yeah,apparently thats half the problem,that anxious people just want the quick fix and arent willing to remain patient enough to ride the storm and realise that its just bad thoughts and we are paying too much attention to them.i can see how this is so but ive been suffering for 2 and a half years now and i think ive been relatively patient.i just cant help wondering if ive improved at all and that brings a whole influx of the wave of worry again.its a vicious circle.......

Michellesflyy 05-21-2012 02:57 PM

Re: anxiety ruining a perfect relationship...
 
I thought I was alone on this one. Lately I have been having bad panic attacks which make me not want to be near my boyfriend or with him. I was taken off Zoloft, which now I am put back on cause I had thoughts of wanting to hurt him and myself. I love him so much and sometimes I still think maybe we should break up it would be better but I don't want to. I feel like my mind is taking over.. I don't know what to do.

PGphmtt75 05-22-2012 09:17 AM

Re: anxiety ruining a perfect relationship...
 
I can totally relate to you. I went through the same thing with my wife for a while and it snowballed pretty bad in 2009. i finally went to see someone and was put on Lexapro, but that seemed to make it worse, I had the worst insomnia with that and quickly stopped. I switched to Zoloft and that worked well, much much better, no side effects like that. I had the same exact worries and it was awful! I can't going around and around in circles in my head, I couldn't find anything wrong with her but I was still feeling that way so I thought something must be wrong and it kept snowballing and snowballing. I seemed to break through the clouds by the Spring/Summer of 2010 and was feeling great. It felt so great just to be able to hug her and relax and feel calm and wonderful finally and totally feel the love i knew was always there. those are the times i have to remind myself of whenever anxiety and worry start to creep in again and they do from time to time but i try to fight it off better now. although right now i'm going through a bout that's seeming to linger a little more and turning into some OCD stuff that i've never really had before. but i think OCD and anxiety are related so hopefully it'll eventually go away and i can get back to normal again. I eventually got off Zoloft and have been pretty good for a while now except for this latest episode. If it continues I may consider going back on it. It's very frustrating but we are not alone so i guess that's good at least!

gasproblem 05-22-2012 03:17 PM

Re: anxiety ruining a perfect relationship...
 
Hi Michelle - I am so sorry to hear about your anxiety. I used to suffer from that all the time too and hence my username lead to IBS and other embarrassing symptoms! However, I have found so many things to combat that. Is it only when you are near your boyfriend or do you feel that other things affect it too - such as your job, money, etc? Diet plays a huge role in this as well.


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