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    Old 02-02-2014, 06:40 AM   #1
    lkjskal
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    introduction

    Hi, I just joined moments ago and don't have much experience posting on boards.
    I've been suffering from depression since Oct. 2011. Probably had a little depression all my life (I have always had social anxiety) but it didn't interfere with my life.
    All started when I lost my long time, very enjoyable & good paying job with great benefits. Few months later my marriage to the man I'm still stupidly in love with fell apart I just cant get past him. I left my beautiful home and moved in with my mom. She had several health issues so in a way it was good to be there for her. One night she developed abdominal pain which turned out to be her pancreas. That night the hospital put her under heavy sedation which I wasn't expecting. It took a month for her to die and I never got to talk to her again. After she died I really went down hill. I cant get out of bed, I cry every day, i have anxiety attacks yet the doctors don't like to give me anything for the anxiety since its addictive. I basically sit in bed shaking, trying to hold myself together. When the attacks happen, I pace, cry, shake like a mad woman. Its the worst feeling. I barely exist. The world is going by and I'm not part of it. I live in my moms condo which is in foreclosure so I'm fear homelessness. I have NO family or friends. I isolated myself for so long there's no one left. I have 2 wonderful dogs that are my rocks. I don't think I would have made it w/out them. Taking care of them is the ONLY thing I do. If I even sniffle my one dog (the other he is 14-deaf and partially blind), no matter where she is comes to me snuggles up close and nuzzles my neck. They're both the sweetest dogs and I'm lucky to have them.

     
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    Old 02-02-2014, 08:15 AM   #2
    rayel
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    Re: introduction

    Hi, I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time and I'm very sorry about your mom. I suffer with the same anxiety, but for different reasons. I think it may be helpful to find a doctor that would prescribe you something to help you get yourself together so you can start working on your issues. I have two dogs also, I call them my angels. It's like they know when you need a hug. Read as much as you can on this site. It helps to know other people are dealing with anxiety and depression and surviving. Hang in there!
    Rayel

     
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    Old 02-02-2014, 08:33 AM   #3
    lkjskal
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    Re: introduction

    Thanks for the reply.
    I'm sorry you're having such a hard time too.
    Funny u call your dogs "angels". My 14 yr. old IS named Angel.
    I had an issue with doctors back when my mom was alive. I believe it had something to do with my husband calling doctors behind my back telling them who knows what. I know he mentioned more than once in aggressive yet I'm the most passive shy quiet person so I think it was meant to hurt me.

    Anyways I don't put anything past him and I was "fired" (my word) from one doctor and "blacklisted" (my word again) from all doctors in my group. While I was hospitalized the last time my social worker worked her magic got me a doctor. I walk on egg shells when I see the doctor for fear I'll say or do something that will get fired.
    Thanks again for replying.
    I joined mostly to reach out and talk to people and people who can relate. I don't even have anyone to say good morning to.
    I will look throughout the site for helpful information.
    Good luck to you! I hope today (and every day) is a good one for you!

    BTW what do u take for anxiety?

    Last edited by Administrator; 02-02-2014 at 08:57 AM.

     
    Old 02-02-2014, 09:12 AM   #4
    rayel
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    Re: introduction

    Hi Ikjskal,
    Thanks for your kind words :-). Right now I don't take anything for my anxiety.... my health insurance only covers hospitalization, no doc visits and no rx. My husband and I are self employed and money is extremely tight...one reason for anxiety I'm sure. I was on effexor, an antidepressant for a few years. But it made me foggy and lethargic. I felt like I would do better with something to take on sort of an as needed basis. I have tried many herbal remedies and even otc antihistamines and things like dramamine! Sounds kind of desperate when I think about it, but then I guess I am kind of desperate! I don't think you mentioned your age if you don't mind me asking. Alot of my issues began when I hit premenopause so I went the route of hormone replacement therapy. I did get some relief there, but there were too many side effects. That was also around the same time I lost a long term job and became self employed...and I quit a 20 year or so smoking habit! Anyway, I'm still searching for something to help me power through and live my life!
    Please stay in touch. You'll find some great advice and lots of wonderful people on this board!

     
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    Old 02-02-2014, 09:49 AM   #5
    lkjskal
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    Re: introduction

    Oh I don't know what I would w/ out prescription/doctor insurance. I feel for you. That's truly heartbreaking.
    I'm..... I'm..... Hate to say it.... 48. I too am looking into having my hormones checked. I had some surgeries that left me with a small piece of one ovary so it a fair question. Something I should have already done but I'm good at procrastinating.

    Thanks for taking the time to give advice. I think ill follow through and find a doctor next week.

    Gosh I hate to hear you cant get prescriptions.

     
    Old 02-02-2014, 10:40 AM   #6
    rayel
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    Re: introduction

    One of the pitfalls of being self employed is definintely the cost of insurance! From what I hear HRT is a God send for some people, it could be helpful for you too. And btw you're a spring chicken! I'm 54! Let me know how you're doing. :-)

     
    Old 02-24-2014, 08:19 AM   #7
    rayel
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    Re: introduction

    Hi Ikjskal,

    Just wanted to reach out and say I hope you're doing well!

    Rayel

     
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