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  • Feel like I've destroyed a perfectly good life!



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    Old 02-26-2003, 05:46 AM   #1
    MelGuy
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    Post Feel like I've destroyed a perfectly good life!

    It started nearly 4 months ago, my life was going a long fine I was healthy, enjoying soccer and school. I felt comfortable and rarely got sick. It was my cousins 18th birthday and after it because I was blind drunk decided to go to a brothel in my area. I went there used a condom and all went well. Two weeks later I went to another brothel not to far away from there used a condom there as well. Two weeks later got a bad sore throat which went away and came back. Went away again then ended up with a cough and blocked nose. Wasn't worried at this stage didn't even know alot about AIDS but then my mum said to me have you had sex with any girls recently I go NO because there is no way I am telling my mum I went to a brothel. She started panicing and saying you might have AIDS, I was like shut up mum don't be stupid. But really the thought really got to my head. I looked up AIDS on the Internet and there I saw the symptoms which I had. But at that time I didn't really pay attention to them. I got a normal blood test done and an X-Ray on my chest all came back fine no chest infections and no Glandular Fever. I was on antibiotics at this stage and took breaks from taking some because I went out drinking with friends. This didn't help the cause. Just before Christmas I got sick again and spent Christmas day sick at home. I was on medication again and got blind drunk on New Years Eve. I recovered well and went to the doctor once I finished my medication because he wanted to see me when I finished them.
    That week after I saw my doctor I started to really worry about AIDS and really started on the Internet. Biggest mistake of my life doing that, I read about the diarehea and bowel movements and what happened went to the toilet and out it came. Hasn't been the same since. I started to really get sick at this stage I got muscle aches pains, heavy chest I didn't eat and couldn't sleep for several nights. I was worrying my self sick to a point where I wanted to kill my self and I still do at this point in time. I then saw my doctor and he took blood and sent it away to get tested. He brightened up my day by saying the brothels in my city are legalized the girls get checked regularly and if it was a girl at a club or a street prostitute then I should be worried. The test came back negative at 9 and 11 weeks. Beleive it or not I got really well at this stage I actually forgot about it but I still had loose stools. Then I started thinking I had bowel cancer or colon cancer. I was watching a documentary on tv about some deadly stomach virus after watching that my stomach was hurting for a week on and off till I saw my doctor who got sick of seeing me at this stage. So the stomach aches went away but still loose stools. I then changed doctors same medical center same records different doctor. I went there about my stomach and I saw it was 17 and 14 weeks since my last exposure and decided to test again. It was the most terrifying week of my life. My eyes felt like they were swelling up and were very itchy they still are now. I had a bit of a cough which I got tablets for and went away, I had nightmares that I was positive etc. The day came I got my results back negative my white cells were on 5. 4-11 is normal apparently they drop when there is no invaders in your body. I thought my anxiety would go away. But you know what ****en pisses me off and I am very sorry about the swearing people say your in the clear after 3 months, some say 6 months some say 1 year some say 2 years. Some say 2 weeks, some say 6 weeks. It's a load of **** no one knows and that is how my life is at this moment. I think I am positive because I've still got a little burning sensation in my throat from time to time my eyes feel like there swelling and are itchy. I look at everyone that I walk past and wish I could swap bodies with. My mum and dad don't know about what I'm going through there living a happy life but they don't know what there kid is going through mentally my mum thinks I am a hypricondriac which I hope I am in this case. I want to get on with my life but I can't it is as simple as that this isn't going to leave me ever. I'm doing well with soccer I'm good enough to go overseas in a couple years, I have a good family, alot of friends I go to college in what you call it in America. I want to get married and have kids one day but this all feels like a mile away at the moment because I think I'm positive even though I'm not it's easy to say don't worry get on with your life but this is killing me mentally. I used a condom, I've spoken to both brothel owners they said the same thing there girls are checked regularly. I need help I don't have the money for counciling my friends reckon I'm fine, I feel like I'm alone in this and I have no way out of this situation.
    What I've done I regret so much now and it's already ruining my life and it could end it soon if questions dont get answers!

     
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    Old 02-26-2003, 06:48 AM   #2
    Autumn Angel
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    Join Date: Dec 2002
    Location: Niagara , Ontario , Canada
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    How were your other blood counts? I have my results of a normal CBC right here and my white cells are 8.0 the norm being 4.0 to 11.0. The virus lowers your red cells hemaglobin and hemocrit as well so check those and if you are within normal range you are fine. I believe you are fine if you were protected you could have picked something up from there probably a virus like a cold or flu if you were kissing but I doubt you have HIV. Test again in awhile if it makes you feel better and post here to vent as often as you like there is a good group here and they will re asure you as well. Take care.
    Autumn.

     
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