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  • 9 months post op and feel like I"m setting back :(

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    Old 05-05-2013, 05:54 PM   #1
    workinmom572
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    9 months post op and feel like I"m setting back :(

    I got "released" from Dr. from my double tlift done in July. Said Ideally I don't work,etc. as I previously posted in another thread. Anyway, yesterday, went to hardware store with husband, walked around apx 45 minutes, pushed a cart with light item in it (I have been grocery shopping lightly for months, but otherwise have kid with me to push and lift, etc.) as soon as we left the store my back was hurting SO BADLY, like 50% of my preop pain! I was so angry and mad and scared!!! I had to move like I'd break ever so slowly to get into the car while praying every move I made. I wanted to cry! I had to take a Flexeril and 800 mg IB. had to sit for an hour before i could get out of car. Boy was I angry!

    Today, woke up normal thank goodness. Went to grocery store (alone) and felt as soon as I started as yesterday was.

    Anyway, I am SO ANGRY!! I realize I cannot go shopping alone, let alone two days in a row. I noticed also my "good" days are when I am just hanging out at home, doing nothing or dishes and maybe light sweeping or clean a bathroom sink, computer a little bit, rest of the time I watch tv and take it easy. While I am so thankful for how far I have come,, I am fighting depression and anger seeing as this is how I am at almost 10 months post op! I can't accept this is the rest of my life-no more jobs, how ever will I vacation again, just in a bad, bad place right now.

    My question I guess is anyone else get like this? Has anyone tried and does any talk-therapy help to get through this? I feel like I'm nothing but a burden forever and ever now when I used to be the kind of person who did EVERYTHING myself, always up and cleaning, cooking, working, shopping, non-stop kind of gal and that can no longer be me and I can't figure out how to come to terms with this.
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    Old 05-05-2013, 07:40 PM   #2
    purplegirl1
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    Re: 9 months post op and feel like I"m setting back :(

    Awe YES!!!! I think we are so similar. I am feeling this way too since I am now having big issues with the levels below & above my L4-L5 fusion. I talk to a therapist as needed but I feel like this is just so hard to adjust to. I may need further surgery soon but I feel like a huge burden to my husband & family. Can you do a hobby that u like? That may help you. You are not alone!! I promise!!
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    Old 05-05-2013, 08:28 PM   #3
    gmak
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    Re: 9 months post op and feel like I"m setting back :(

    Dear workin mom, Yes, i remember the day i told my friend i dont know who i am if im not a "enter profession" . My identity was tied to my profession. I was sad but i wouldnt call it depressed. I had to grieve my loss & just like any loss i went through all the 5 stages of grief, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. But, i wasnt dead i could see friends, enjoy my family, i had to realize my limitations & that took 10 years before i realized overdoing it = pain! Now, i live day to day fighting pain( whole time had arachnoiditis but no one told me til 2012) but i have acceptance. If this is a day where i can be normal for me then its a miracle to me. Even if its make bed, coffee, put one load in washer, bathe, dress, cook dinner thats better than in my gown taking bt & hurting where i cant do anything.
    Being here for the ones we love & that love us is our most important work more than any job or career. Here's how i have to look at it, could i look into the face of an employer & say or let them expect that i would show up everyday? No, it would be a lie for me. God provides, it takes time but you will see that the things we do if even little by comparison are still important & only you can be you in your family, no one can take your place!

    Last edited by gmak; 05-15-2013 at 01:14 PM. Reason: info,redundant

     
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    Old 05-05-2013, 08:31 PM   #4
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    Re: 9 months post op and feel like I"m setting back :(

    Dear workin mom, Yes, i remember the day i to. I was sad but i wouldnt call it depressed. I had to grief my loss & just like any loss i went through all the 5 stages of grief. But, i wasnt dead i could see friends, enjoy my family, i had to realize my limitations & that took 10 years before i realized overdoing it = pain! Now, i live day to day fighting pain( whole time had arachnoiditis but no one told me til 2012) but i have acceptance. If this is a day where i can be normal for me then its a miracle to me. Even if its make bed, coffee, put one load in washer, bathe, dress, cook dinner thats better than in my gown taking bt & hurting where i cant do anything. I am still here to answer & advise my sons when they need me, be a friend to comfort or listen if only on phone, read, go once a month with my husb for work out of town, etc. Being here for the ones we love & that love us is our most important job more than any work. Here's how i have to look at it, could i look into the face of an employer & say or let them expect that i would show up everyday? No, it would be a lie for me. God provides, it takes time but you will see that the things we do if even little by comparison are still important & only you can be you in your family, no one can take your place!

    Last edited by gmak; 05-15-2013 at 01:16 PM.

     
    Old 05-05-2013, 11:10 PM   #5
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    Re: 9 months post op and feel like I"m setting back :(

    i am good looking for come back job.
    Many new friends of come back of the job

     
    Old 05-06-2013, 05:12 AM   #6
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    Re: 9 months post op and feel like I"m setting back :(

    I meant to respond to your post last night but the day got away from me.
    Others have made many good points that I would agree with. But I wanted to remind you to be patient and to try to maintain (or develop) a positive attitude. I wanted to remind you that your surgery and recovery have not followed what I think of as the doctors' "storybook" timeline. I feel like you had more difficulties early on than most, and it is taking longer for your recovery than you had thought possible prior to surgery. Just go back and read through your early posts if you doubt what I am saying!

    Don't believe that where you are today is your ultimate outcome. You are still healing and will still make progress. You pushed a little too hard this weekend and need to pace yourself a little bit better. I find that there are certain places that I cannot handle even now and I will be three years post fusion on June 1st. One of those places (really just about the only place where I am still bothered) is the art museum where I used to be a docent. The floors are marble and I can last about 45 minutes before they begin to bother me. I had hoped to be able to go back to my work there, but realize now that it isn't going to happen.

    I used to develop terrible pain if I went to one of those "big box" stores. They usually have poured concrete floors with nothing underneath, so there is absolutely no cushioning, and I would last about five minutes before the sciatic-type pain would begin. Now I am able to go there and am not bothered...but look how long it took!

    I think you too will gradually develop more strength, and you will gradually be able to tolerate more and more...but for now, you are still healing. Try not to be discouraged. Look at how far you have come and rejoice at that progress.

     
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    Old 05-07-2013, 07:39 PM   #7
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    Re: 9 months post op and feel like I"m setting back :(

    Thanks Teteri66. You are right, I do often forget how unusually complicated I have been from the begining. It was hard to hear a Dr recently tell me from his point of view that he is sad I am not much better, and disappointed in how hard my rehab has been on me and while not to lose hope, I am not as good as he'd hope (this was an IME: Independant Medical Exam for my lawsuit).

    I do rejoice in the good moments, days, times, and thank God constantly for them, but I get so angry at these type of setback issues. I had big box store pain before my injury even-So I do alot of online shopping now and no more than two stores at once for a week is my new limit.

    Then today for instance, I went for lunch at a friends and walked into a baby gate that had a dumb bar along the floor even though it was open-whenever I walk into something similar to stubbing your toe I'd describe it as, I feel like someone just hit my lower back hardware with a hammer! Now, 5 hours later I'm still hurting so I take extra pain meds and decide to lay down. Laying down feels good, BUT: if I lay on my couch, like I do once a day usually, I cannot get up to standing without one of my sons to help me and it's very painful, so if no one is around I cannot lay down. BUT: when I go to bed at night, I wake up in the am not wanting to get up as my back is so relaxed from laying down all night and not hurting at all, but I do appreciate that I can get out of bed quite well now thankfully.

    But the store episode made me so angry as I was considering a job there doing shop lifter surveilance. I would of been walking around and sitting, but I obviously can't handle even shopping, so dwelling on that my own dr must be right in that I should not work if I value my back was hitting me hard I guess also.
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    Old 05-07-2013, 08:10 PM   #8
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    Re: 9 months post op and feel like I"m setting back :(

    Keep positive workingmom! Every person is an individual and everyone heals differently and has different steps to get to where they want to be! There is going to be downsides to every step, but use those as stepping stones to make you stronger and get to where you need to be.

     
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