PDA

View Full Version : What caused the sudden onset of Pure O. (LONG READ!)


Rainbows123
05-16-2015, 09:15 AM
Hi, I've been browsing here the last few days and thought I'd sign up to get this communities thoughts on my situation.

Ok, I've always considered myself to have an "addictive" personality. I've used that to my own benefit though many times. Running marathons. Success career. Making money etc... I kind of thought that being slightly obsessive was beneficial to me and still do to some extent.

That said, I've also been an alcoholic (for a few years - I'm recovered now), a love addict and various other escape artists in my time. I also could get stuck in various brain funks, especially after say an argument with someone. I'd argue with them in my head for 2 days straight :/

Because of the negative aspects this part of my personality has caused me, I've been meditating, running, doing faster eft therapy and taking various supplements for a good while now. I thought I'd made glorious leaps of self improvement tbh. Remaining sober. Holding down my commitments. Better relationships. Sleeping really well etc...

THEN, suddenly a few weeks ago - almost overnight I seem to have developed pure O. It started with scary images just flashing up in my head. Like horror film kind of images. Then it turned into imaging being killed/attacked in various horrific ways. I could possibly handle the images themselves but its the worrying thoughts after them Mainly because I believe that what you think about comes about (law of attraction style) and that I'm basically making it happen by thinking of it so often with so much emotion/belief. (If only I could believe I'd win the lottery with the same umphh lol)

So I'm looking back and wondering what happened that could have made my normal addictive mind go into overdrive. (So I can fix it) I've narrowed it down to 3 things.

1) I'd been taking Melatonin for sleep and was just transitioning off of it. (You're meant to cycle off it after a while) When taking melatonin, whilst getting to sleep I'd started being aware of images and voices (hypnagogic state) just before nodding off. I thought they were pretty cool actually and had read that they are normal but melatonin can enhance your awareness of them. I'm mentioning this because it's brain related.

2) Around that time I'd also started doing something called Image Streaming. This is a process apparently Einstein used to use - it's meant to improve your thinking/memory etc... I hadn't been doing it long (I've stopped now incase it's something to do with the onset) but I had noticed that I was thinking far more creatively as a result. Seeing really clear shapes in clouds. Details of leaves on trees. Alertness of hearing. Being able to hear remote sounds that I'd never noticed before etc...

3) As I mentioned I've been doing faster EFT therapy. For anyone interested, it basically has you recall painful memories from childbirth to present and you transform the memory and let go of the emotions whilst tapping on pressure points on your upper body. Sounds wacky but it really did offer relief. I've cleared up so much stuff! Anyway, despite the fact it had helped me stop drinking, nail biting, made me a lot calmer and happier. I was eager to get to the core of my addictive programming BUT could not for the life of me remember the memories which attributed to it. (And, the ones I could remember I'd already tapped on) So I spent a while tapping asking my subconscious to reveal them.

I'm wondering if it is possible that my subconscious just brought the ENTIRE addictive program back into my awareness? Maybe it had been repressed for good reason when I was young. I do recall going through a phase of actual OCD when I was young. I'd have to walk at the same pace as my mum or eat at the same time, (spoonful by spoonful) or I thought she'd die. Then she caught me and shamed me for being a weirdo (my perception). Maybe I repressed it at that time? Or could it be the melatonin which messed with me? Or the image streaming business? Sorry for this complete ramble, I'm not even sure what I'm asking. I'm just scared that I've broken my brain.