View Full Version : OCD trying to sabotage my relationship?

05-30-2015, 12:00 PM
Why does OCD get stronger the happier you are?

I've had various forms of OCD my entire life, sexual thoughts, violent thoughts, guilt and confessions over and over and over. When I got together with my ex boyfriend, I was convinced that I was attracted to his younger sister and I can remember the awful gut wrenching feeling of guilt this brought me, but now when I think about, I can easily shake it off.

Now I'm in a "new" relationship (well, 1.5 years now!) and OCD has struck again. At first it was the typical "am I attracted to him? do I think he's ugly?" OCD. I was obsessed with thinking that I thought his ears were too big. I'd spend hours googling celebrities with big ears to see if his were considered big, and I couldn't even look at him without feeling horribly guilty. Eventually, that went away, but of course got replaced by something else.

The OCD is now obsessed with making me believe that he is cheating/wants to cheat/will cheat/has been cheating all along. It's gotten to the point where I can't enjoy my time with him because I am over-the-top hypersensitive about everything. Every time he looks at his phone, I actively try to look away because I don't want to see the list of people he has texted. I am constantly scanning his skin for signs of "hickies" or scratches and if I see even the slightest abnormality I assume the worst. I analyse the way he acts around me, if he kisses me less, or hugs me less and it makes it so I can't enjoy my pretty damn awesome relationship.

The rational part of me knows that cheating is something that can happen and no one can control if their partner cheats or not, and the more you try to, the more likely the partner would be to cheat. I've been very open and honest with him about these feelings, and he's been nothing but supportive. I've been seeing a therapist and I think it has been helping but sometimes I just have bad days like today. Googling pictures of hickies, reading "how to catch your boyfriend cheating". It's just exhausting.

Am I alone in this or do others have similar experiences?

05-30-2015, 12:24 PM
Jkt I'm no expert, but I can tell you that Google might not be your friend. My first bout with OCD/somatoform disorder was worsened tenfold by obsessively checking the net for symptoms.

If you can walk away from that, it might help. Wishing you welol!