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Lostgoat
01-08-2016, 01:21 AM
My husband of 4 years who ive known most my life passed the night of our wedding anniversary jan 2nd. We were apart and the last time i saw him i knew something was wrong. He was my soulmate. He just turned 36, i am 32. He suffered from addiction and depression and was terminally ill and i could not save him. He felt he lived on borrowed time and was the best man that has ever lived. He died of an overdose after discovering the son named after him born on the same birthday from his previous marriage was not his. this marriage took place in another country and he was already signed on the childrens birth certificates and no dna test was allowed and his family suffers from affluenza so she made sure to secure her paycheck. We however lived quite poor. My soul hurts as i cannot smile, nor eat nor sleep. We only had animal children as he was infertile due to illness. I grieve deeper than anything. His previous wife won custody of his remains in an additional blow. I am lost and empty inside.

rosequartz
01-08-2016, 07:19 AM
hugs lostgoat.....that's a lot to digest....I'm sorry you're going thru this. The best advice I can give you is to hug your animal children and spend a little extra time with them......they're missing him too....

sweetpotato13
01-08-2016, 05:27 PM
I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am for your loss.

Lostgoat
01-08-2016, 10:30 PM
My soul aches and i know it will never cease. All i have are our animal children and they grieve with me. Our dog and turtles let me know when hes around by their movement. I have found a means to eat, but i taste nothing. Everything is still so colorless and lacking. I would give anything to have him back. It feels too much like a bad joke. He told me that he would fight for us as he fought the world to be with me, but i feel like exactly what he didnt want came to pass. I have no means of anything nor drive. My animals are the only solace.

Lostgoat
01-08-2016, 10:35 PM
I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am for your loss.

Thank you for your kind words. He was a great man, always so selfless, dealing with more pain and struggle than anyone would have ever guessed.

Lostgoat
01-08-2016, 10:41 PM
My soul aches and i know it will never cease. All i have are our animal children and they grieve with me. Our dog and turtles let me know when hes around by their movement. I have found a means to eat, but i taste nothing. Everything is still so colorless and lacking. I would give anything to have him back. It feels too much like a bad joke. He told me that he would fight for us as he fought the world to be with me, but i feel like exactly what he didnt want came to pass. I have no means of anything nor drive. My animals are the only solace.

I have returned to prayer after getting over my initial reaction that there was no God; as i belive he was a gift and an angel.and protector of me heaven sent and my husbands existance was proof that the Lord existed. I just wish it werent true. It is a painful realization for me as i have been back in forth with my faith over the years. I turned away after the loss of a child in a previous relationship. It was only inmy husbands passing that i bitterly realized he did exist or i would have never been gifted him. I just struggle being left behind. I am unable to find my way or what my cause is on this earth without him. He was my everything.

sweetpotato13
01-10-2016, 09:34 AM
You will see him again, Lost. When the time is right, you will see him.
Until then, live your life knowing that your loved one wants you to do well until you see him again on the other side of Eternity.