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Subedey
03-31-2016, 07:05 AM
Hello everyone :) , I'm 25 year old male from Europe.
I don't know how to put it, but here's the problem.
I was using a drug for a total of maybe 6-7 months, so relatively short term. 2-3 years prior to that I was diagnosed with social anxiety, and was put on 50mg sertraline, on which I am to this day. I quit 2 years ago and was doing fine, no real cravings and stuff like that. I was always a little OCDish, which recent psychological test confirmed (some OCD traits present).

Whenever I took interest in something it was unshakeable, I was thinking and talking about it the whole time, annoying family, friends and girlfriend in process.
I also have this type of compulsions " The person might feel that these actions somehow either will prevent a dreaded event from occurring, or will push the event from their thoughts.", in my case it's simple weird stuff, like if I won't do this, that will happen, etc.

My problem is, month ago I used a drug, despite something telling me not to .
Next day I was feeling really anxious, and the constant thoughts such as "you will be back to using, you're worthless and won't achieve anything" etc have been attacking me since then. Somedays less, somedays more. Those are not cravings, they are intrusive anxiety generating thoughts.

It's been a month since I used and those thoughts come and go. I'm also on levomepromazine, 25mg at night for sleep, and whenever I feel really anxious I pop a half of the pill and it helps.

So my question is, is it OCD? Or something else? The feel of doom and failure is sometimes hard to contain, my heart races as if I'd drink a gallon of redbull.

Please advise :o

BadMalibu
03-31-2016, 10:01 AM
Hi Sub-

Greetings from across the pond! First let me say welcome to the board and I hope you’ll find the support you need as all of us are in the same boat (just on different ends lol).

You had questioned whether or not you have OCD based on past evaluations and experiences that you’re having. One idea that I think is important in really determining whether or not a person has OCD is the level of quality in their lives. Do you find that obsessing over an idea or engaging in a compulsion is so bad that it ruins hours of your day? Does it bother you significantly? Do you wish you could stop but just can’t? Only you can answer those questions.

I never really enjoyed drinking or smoking of self medicating because I noticed that doing those types of things made my anxiety and OCD worse. When people use substances that alter their consciousness, they loose a sense of “control” which is paramount to people with OCD. We WANT to be in control, we NEED to feel in control, and when we feel like we’re not in control or were loosing control, it can make the symptoms of OCD much worse which is why I choose not to “self medicate.” Everyone is different and I don’t know how you or the person next to you would respond considering you’re already taking Zoloft and Levomepromazine.

In terms of feeling “doom” or constant failure or your heart racing, these are generally symptoms that are seen and associated with generalized anxiety disorder, or more commonly a panic attack. Typical symptoms in a panic attack include; feelings of impending doom (I equate it to knowing that you have 30 seconds to live, that type of feeling), chills, hot flashes, difficulty concentrating, pounding or racing heart, the feeling of wanting to get away or run away or hide, feeling of loss of control. Although these are all hallmark symptoms, a person can experience one symptom, all of them, a few, etc. Everyone is different and everyone will experience different symptoms. I’ve only had one panic attack and I would NOT care to have another one again. I had horrible chills (mind you 85 degree day in the summer), felt like my eyeballs were going to pop out of my head, horrible intrusive thoughts, wanting to run out of the back of the auto parts store I was working in and hide in the dumpster, felt like I was about to die, couldn’t concentrate, started shaking. I can honestly say it’s probably one of the most awful things I have ever experienced. But with that being said we can all rest easier because they eventually go away. We also have to remember that anxiety and panic attacks cannot kill you, despite how horrible they make us feel.

Subedey
04-01-2016, 06:43 AM
Hi BadMalibu, thanks for answering.
To answer your questions, yes, they bother me significantly, they can ruin my day pretty much. One question I have is, does OCD, obsessions in particular, come and go? Cause some days I don't seem to get them that much, and on others I'm under constant "barrage" of very bad thoughts, like the ones I described (this is the last day as a clean person, etc). Those aren't "my thoughts", I don't know how to describe it other than invasive and persistent brain rape.

MaddyGL
04-01-2016, 09:10 AM
Definitely OCD! I have OCD pretty bad, and my compulsion are very strange. I have routines, specific placements of certain objects in my bedroom, a specific number of times I have to tap my foot, snap my fingers, or bounce my leg, etc.. If I don't do these things, I fear something bad will happen (ex. I will get sick).
Let your physiologist know you are having these compulsions! He/she could really help you a lot! My therapist helped me a LOT! OCD used to run my life, but now I have a pretty good control on it:)
Good luck!

BadMalibu
04-01-2016, 10:09 AM
Hi Sub-

You know I find that just like many other things in life my OCD cycles and comes and goes like anything else. There are certain circumstances that can trigger my OCD and sometimes the triggers are completely internal, but if the intrusive thoughts bother you to the point of causing distress, then you need to speak with a licensed cognitive behavioral therapist who will help you work through the reasons why you are experiencing OCD and what you can do to fight back.