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L0VEBL0NDE
08-23-2016, 03:59 AM
I need some advice on whether or not I suffer from OCD. I have been told many times from my mum - (who is an OCD sufferer herself) - that she has noticed traits and OCD tendencies but she doesn't even know the half of it!

Here are a list of some of the things I have to go through/have been through on a daily basis:

- I suffer from severe health anxiety, to the point where it is ruining my life. I am too scared to walk for long periods of time incase my legs give up on me or I run out of breath and die, I check every single symptom I have online and read up on it for hours, I have a fear of hurting myself or someone hurting me accidentally, I am convinced my GP has missed something when I go to see about a problem, etc.

- I have dropped from a 28inch waste to a 24inch waste within a matter of months through fear of food contamination and tampering. I went through roughly a 5 month period of thinking my own boyfriend was trying to poison me when making my food or that he was tampering with it I would try to get him to take a bite of my food or a sip of my drink before I would consume it so I knew it was safe, even then I would worry for hours afterwards. I am too scared to eat chicken that has been frozen and then defrosted, my boyfriend regularly does this and i can't stand it but we don't have enough money to be wasting food and he gets quite irritated if food is wasted so I have to pretend to eat it or pretend I feel ill so am not hungry, other times I have just gone crazy not caring what he thought and binned a whole packet of it if I thought it looked off or felt weird. I also have a hard time eating out or in other people's houses.

- I use plastic cutlery and never ever ever put any of my food or cutlery onto a bunker even if it is clean, it must all be sat on clean kitchen roll. I don't share cups, bottles, plates or bowls with anyone. I don't dry my dishes with towels - kitchen roll only. I have a set routine of how I like to wash my dishes, I have a sponge in my home that only I am allowed to use and I change it more frequently than perhaps the average person. I use a first sponge to get food off the plate and then I use my clean one to wash it thoroughly afterwards, to the point where I am guaranteed to burn my hands under the boiling hot tap. I can't eat in my boyfriends house unless I know I have washed every cooking utensil, all cutlery and dishes BEFORE using them as well as after using them. I also keep my food in longer than I should.

- I have constant doubts about my relationships with my family, friends, co-workers and my boyfriends. I doubt if I have love for them, I constantly question their love for me. I am quite obsessive when it comes to being jealous in my relationship with my boyfriend, to the point where I have overstepped the mark and logged into all of his social media sites for a good 3/4 months without him knowing as I was convinced he was talking to other girls or even searching for other girls. This completely ruined our relationship at the start of the year and it is still something i struggle with. I constantly think everyone is out to get me, I question everything around me, I have thoughts about ending my relationship knowing that, that is the last thing I want to do. It gets me down and my boyfriend can see there is something up but if I were to explain it he wouldn't understand.

- I have a fear of choking and I have struggled with swallowing my food since I was about 8 years old. I can remember being at school dinner with my friend and saying I couldn't swallow food and took forever to chew it but looking back now I can see it was anxiety so I have struggled with this for years.

- I rarely leave the house by myself. I never go out in the dark on my own. I went through a period of time where I was convinced everyone I seen in the street was following me and trying to harm me so I carried a big golf umbrella everywhere with me even when it wasn't raining so I could defend myself. I constantly check my doors are locked, I am convinced someone is going to break in and I hate staying at my boyfriends house because he doesn't have a dog to protect us and only has one lock on his door which is easy to break. I am very fearful about my house ending up on fire, I play out scenarios in my head of what I will do to get my family out when this happens because I am convinced it will. I am too scared to turn on the gas boiler in the winter incase I get carbon monoxide poisoning. If I turn it on its only for 1-2 hours and that's it.

- I'm too scared to eat new foods or drink things I haven't consumed before incase I am allergic to them. I don't take any form of medication either not even paracetamol because I fear something will happen to me if I take them. I'm also scared of capsules because I know they can be opened and replaced with other substances. I have roughly 3-4 meals that I am comfortable eating and that's it. Even then they mostly involve chicken which is one thing I NEED to feel is perfect before I can eat it. I fear about someone poisoning our tap water.

- I check dates on EVERYTHING before I eat them. I also read every label front to back. I throw horrendous mood swings when I feel like things aren't in my control. For a while my GP thought I may have been Bipolar but there are more downs than ups and the mood swings tend to come when I am at my most anxious and stressed. I am fixated with picking my lips and plucking my eyebrows. I used to have an obsession with picking my scalp until it bled - disgusting I know but this was when I was about 11/12. I worry about EVERYTHING to the point where I am exhausted and all I want to do is lay down or sleep. My room is always a mess because I can't even bare to touch anything. It takes me days to build up the motivation to do an intense clean because when I do clean it is like a mad cleaning spree that I can't stop. I am a control freak. When I send an email I have to go back and re-read it to make sure I didn't send anything inappropriate or make any spelling mistakes as well as doing this multiple times before I send it.

There are SO many other things I have to go through on a day-to-day basis I can't even think about them all on the spot right now because there are that many....... I have been going to see my GP since I was about 14 because of my severe axiety and panic attacks but they have never mentioned OCD, I am now 21. The more I read up on it, the more I am aware of certain things I do and feel as though I have finally found an answer?

PhilLee18
09-05-2016, 11:53 PM
You most definitely have a severe case of OCD, I suffered from a few of these things, you need to tell your GP that you need professional help and meds to deal with this. Don't put it off, it won't get better by itself, although the symptons tend to ease as you enter your 30s, but that's a long time to wait.

brightstar01
09-06-2016, 05:28 PM
It really does sound like Ocd,, I think i too suffer a little bit with this,I suffer mainly with thoughts, over thinking paranoia, a bit of hypercondria, to the point where i am mentally exhausted, it effects my work and my relationships.. I wish I could have just one day with a clear head, it's not healthy to feel like this every day, x

PhilLee18
09-07-2016, 06:57 AM
I think if you read the new(ish) book The Man Who Couldn't Stop, by David Adams, you'll see that others have the same kind of OCD that you sound like you have. It really helped me a lot after years of suffering from OCD, even after I'd been successful (through medication and some therapy) getting to the point where I could function like a normal human being.

I can't stress enough how important it is to get help ASAP. You don't have to live like that, I wish these coping tools had been around when I was younger.