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View Full Version : Scared of past thoughts?


0cd
12-15-2016, 07:04 PM
My OCD obsessions go up and down. But lately it's latched onto one that's really really really scared me. I think of past times, (when I was at work, or when I was younger) and wonder if I had any bad thoughts then. But then I get really really scared thinking like "what if I wanted these thoughts? What if I was going to act on these thoughts?" Obviously I never did, and I don't even know if I had those thoughts! It's like my brain making up thoughts I never had and tricking me into believing them. Although I'm really scared that I might've had these thoughts or wanted to act out on them, (even though I never would) ect,. I try to tell myself that if I really did have these thoughts, I would remember them. (Because I can remember bad thoughts from years ago..)
But I still worry. I've been analyzing and trying to think, I'm exaushted. Has anyone experienced this??? Please tell me I'm not the only one....

Anthemic
12-20-2016, 05:49 PM
My OCD obsessions go up and down. But lately it's latched onto one that's really really really scared me. I think of past times, (when I was at work, or when I was younger) and wonder if I had any bad thoughts then. But then I get really really scared thinking like "what if I wanted these thoughts? What if I was going to act on these thoughts?" Obviously I never did, and I don't even know if I had those thoughts! It's like my brain making up thoughts I never had and tricking me into believing them. Although I'm really scared that I might've had these thoughts or wanted to act out on them, (even though I never would) ect,. I try to tell myself that if I really did have these thoughts, I would remember them. (Because I can remember bad thoughts from years ago..)
But I still worry. I've been analyzing and trying to think, I'm exaushted. Has anyone experienced this??? Please tell me I'm not the only one....
This is how OCD works. It's trying to convince you that these thoughts are wanted. But let me tell you, if you truly wanted these thoughts, then you wouldn't be worrying about them right now. People who truly want things to happen don't worry about those things like this.

My OCD made me think the most bizarre things. One of the scariest thoughts was that I thought I was a cannibal. But in reality, cannibalism grossed me out and horrified me. I couldn't even watch movies based on it because it freaked me out so much. OCD takes your worst fears and tries to convince you that you desire those fears. I used to even think I wanted to go to Hell. If you knew me, you'd know that Hell is my absolute worst fear. I even convinced myself that I deserved to be there.

The biggest question OCD asks is "What if...?" When you suffer from OCD, it's nearly impossible to make sense of these thoughts. You may like what you're reading right now, and what I'm saying will probably only relieve your worries for a certain amount of time, until you start obsessing again. But ask yourself this; "Why am I worried if I want these thoughts?" Your OCD may even try to convince you that you aren't worried. When/if that happens, just remember that you are worried. If you weren't, then these thoughts wouldn't even be on your mind. People who want bad things to happen don't second guess themselves. They don't obsess about whether or not these thoughts are genuine.