View Full Version : Moved in with mum after death of father

01-19-2017, 05:08 PM
Hi, first time I've been on this site, my dad died suddenly in a single car accident in July 2016. I was living in a rental property with my two children and had had a few issues previously but life was good at this time until I received a call from my mum saying that my dad had been in a car accident. I went to her house ASAP and on the way I came to the accident site and stopped and went over I saw my dad he looked fine but not breathing properly they said cause of medication they they drove off to the hospital anyway I got mum and went to hospital and found out dad had passed away. Big shock to all of us. I have 2 brothers and a sister and I am the youngest. I had stayed away from my sibling for a few years now and I loved it as we all didn't they along. However I was the one taking care of mum as I was with her and she came in car with me so from that day I didn't go back home I stayed with her at her home. I was hesitant to give up my lease my siblings and I do not get along and mum tried to push us together. Jealousy played a big part in the feelings they thought I was going to rip mum off and taking advantage of her . No one else stood up to help look after her . Time has gone and we fight all the time. All mum does is pick on my kids in the beginning I let it go but now I've had enough. Constantly winging and talking about issues of others that I have no interest in. My private life does not exist anymore as she tells my sibling everything that is happening in my life . I don't like that I don't want them to know anything as they always have an option and then let me know what I should do and it ends in a fight. Mum knows this but she keeps doing it . I have told her to stop it its my business and it's private and she says but I feel they should know things and I makes me so angry to the point I just want to run . I feel one of my brothers takes advantage of mum and she knows he's doing it and winged to me about but says nothing to him so he keeps doing it . I've had enough of listening to all of everyone's crap and her talking about everything to everyone . My son and her are clashing , she is always on his back about everything, watching him like a hawk. Complains that he always playing video games but he is playing with his cousin and the cousin not in trouble . It's just getting out of hand . If we have a disagreement or something mum tell my sister then my sister attacks me and all gets way bigger than what it was. I need help as to what I should do I have told mum I'm not happy . If I walk out to lounge room and I'm crying she says what's wrong I say just upset about dad and off she goes . I am too he was my husband he was only your father . It's like a competition. I want to move out so badly but mum needs help with bills . She is going to sell the house and has to do so before August 2017 but she is not doing anything to prepare for that. All she say is I need to pack and get house organised but nothing. I do t know if she wants me to start doing it or not but all she is concerned about is going away on holiday with her sister. And then with my brother and I like well what about packing and also where do I go when she moves I have nothing I was told to end my lease and put my things in storage but a small storage unit as she said I can use garage for some things so I'm not paying lots of money for storage but now she wants me to move my things phrase she wants the room to put her things . I got rid of my big furniture to save room and now I'd I move out I have nothing . I need help I'm am doing insane

01-20-2017, 11:08 AM
So sorry about your father passing away.

I think you should move out on your own like before your father passed away.

You and your siblings can take turns taking care of your mother.

You shouldn't have to take all the burden.

Best of luck to you whatever you decide.

Dragonfly Wings
01-20-2017, 11:23 AM
Great big hugs! Sorry to hear of your Father's passing and all else that has occurred since.

I honestly think you need to move back out and into your own home. I understand the feel of need to care for your Mother, but your siblings and yourself can take it in turns in helping her out. You have your own life to live too and it's absolutely unfair on yourself and your children to continue to put up with her behaviour. You're no longer a child and she has no right to treat you with such lack of respect - nor the lack of respect she expresses to your children.

Just my opinion. I know it's a hard decision to make but I truly believe you will be so much better off.

I hope things smooth out for you soon!