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jp446
04-04-2017, 02:47 AM
hi all , i have been so close to a female best friend for nearly 4 years , we hang out , have fun and giggles , share and love her kids and they love me , pretty strong ,

now a year ago i stupidly messaged one of her friends(didnt know she was at the time her friend) and asked if i could treat her to a present ,THIS IS A ADDICTION which i am fully getting treatment and therapy for and have stopped doing as of feb 2017 ,

now at the time march 2016 my friend asked me to stop because she finds it embarrassing these girl (3 in total) stopping her and asking her about it in the street , which i fully understood and i stopped for like 2 months . Then the addiction started again and then i crept back into it and didnt tell my friend which i know was so stupid and broke her trust totally, i havent messaged any one she knew since the 1st timeshe asked me to stop just other girls 5 in total . She doesnt know these 5 girls , then this year i decided right no more and told these girls i wouldnt be doing it anymore sorry , they all blocked me and now my ex friend has read a post about me on socoal media (wont say who) about me messaging these girls and offering presents etc sometimes the chat got sexual which these girls went along with obviously to get something from me present wise.

It started after my mum died a few years ago not that its a excuse at all , so my friend messaged me saying its sick and disgusting and i dont want it near me or my family , i agreed told her the whole truth and this girl had put about me making a fake profile to get one of the girls more interested which i admitted fully to and said yes i t was dumb but im so lonely which is true and no gf for 8 years now im 36 years old and shouldnt be even thinking about this .

She stopped contact yet has kept me on social medias not that theres any dialouge altogether .

i saw her and kids by accident in park i was jogging they turned up to play. kids said hi and the lad whose 4 ran up and hugged me i hugged him , friend said cmon son go play right now or go home i respected that and said go on mate go play , asked her how she is she just looked at phone and no reply so i said bye and went home , then next day in the local shop saw her said hi she walked past me with the kids i went to a till and the lad came up she told him off to go sit down and he did and the little girl started crying , i waved and went home , im trying to right the wrongs but if i broke her trust 3 times now is it over , if it is why even keep me on social media?? please help its killing me , i deserve punishment agreed but why not just go away and dont hug my kids message or something , its confusing and i hate seeing the kids upset , she has a long term bf whose the dad who i did get on with (not seen since we split as friends) , im getting therapy which she knows about i told her and i wrote her a letter trying to explain it all with total honesty . any advice?

yayagirl
04-04-2017, 08:54 AM
She doesn't want you in her life for good reason. My advice is learn from it and move on.
She made her wishes clear to you. What she does with her social media is none of your business.

Let this loss spur you to changing how you behave once and for all. It isn't a disease, it is the choices you make.

jp446
04-04-2017, 12:13 PM
thank you for your reply , even though i have fully admitted my addiction and am seeking help with therapy for it and really do care about her and her kids , it was a huge mistake i yes made twice and hate myself with good reason , but your r saying itis probably done

Dragonfly Wings
04-04-2017, 01:26 PM
Good on you for getting help! Sorry to say but it sounds as though your friendship with this person is totally done though. Sometimes people cannot see through addictions and it comes to this point where you lose them from being an active part in your life. It sucks and it's sad but we have to move on for the sake of our own health in the end.

I wish you all the best!
K.

jp446
04-04-2017, 01:30 PM
thank you also for your repkly , yeah it doesnt sound promising , i just thought she would of taken me off social media if your not going to talk face to face or even say hi in the street why bother with social media , yes i agree its her to do as she pleases but seems odd to me . i really am trying

Dragonfly Wings
04-04-2017, 02:27 PM
Perhaps she just hasn't thought of it, or gotten around to it? Or maybe she's just being a sticky nose and keeping tabs on you even though she has no desire to rekindle the friendship? It's hard to know why people do the things they do unfortunately :(

yayagirl
04-12-2017, 09:19 AM
Dear jp446,

I think that was just you continuing to obsess. Whether we are on someone's social media is not in any way 'promising'. It means nothing whatsoever. Social media is not personal. It is not a relationship.

Your focus needs to be on things over which you are responsible. Such as why you dwell on someone that made it very clear that she moved on. Let's face it, many times we don't even know why we do things. But why someone else does what she does is none of your business.

Take care of your own choices and life. It's useless to try to make someone that is not your own wife into your best friend. It never could end well unless the person chose to marry you. This gal already has a best friend, her fiance'.

Rather than to try to let go of wishing for her attention, try to face the fact that his gal definitely didn't choose you. Outside of obsessing, you seem like a fine person. Even someone that would want you for who you are would not want to be obsessed over. It's just not healthy. Let love grow naturally. Unrealistic obsession is not love.

Find some interests and hobbies that interest YOU. Then you will be a more interesting and attractive person, and maybe the right girl for you will be attracted.