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View Full Version : Our children need sober parents!


John 808
01-08-2004, 08:33 PM
Hey ya'll,

I came across and had to share it with ya'll. There are so many mommies (and daddies) on this board who struggle with the "hydro supermom curse" and feel they can better tend to their children when they are medicated because of more energy, more alert, whatever. We all know deep down that is not true and we owe it to our babies to be the very best we can be for them and I think that is being clean. I am not there quite yet, but I am working at it with all I have right now. Anyway, hope this make you think (and smile) about how precious our children are and how impressionable they are and what they deserve from us~

JUST FOR THIS MORNING, I AM GOING TO SMILE WHEN I SEE YOUR FACE AND LASUGH WHEN I FELL LIKE CRYING.

JUST FOR THIS MORNING, I WILL LET YOU CHOOSE WHAT YOU WANT TO WEAR, AND WMILE AND SAY HOW PERFECT IT IS.

JUST FOR THIS MORNING, I AM GOING TO STEP OVER LAUNDRY, AND PICK YOU UP AND TAKE YOU TO THE PARK TO PLAY.

JUST FOR THIS MORNING, I WILL LEAVE THIS DISHES IN THE SINK, AND LET YOU TEACH ME HOW TO PUT THAT PUZZLE OF YOURS TOGETHER.

JUST FOR THIS AFTERNOON, I WILL UNPLUG THE TELEPHONE AND KEEP THE COMPUTER OFF, AND SIT WITH YOU IN THE BACKYARD AND BLOW BUBBLES.

JUST FOR THIS AFTERNOON, I WILL NOT YELL ONCE, NOT EVEN A TINY GRUMBLE WHEN YOU SCREAM AND WHINE FOR THE ICE CREAM TRUCK, AND I WILL BUY YOU ONE IF HE COMES BY.

JUST FOR THIS AFTERNOON, I WON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP, OR SECOND GUESS EVERY DECISION I HAVE MADE WHERE YOU ARE CONCERNED.

JUST FOR THIS AFTERNOON, I WILL LET YOU HELP ME BAKE COOKIES AND I WON'T STAND OVER YOU TRYING TO FIX THEM.

JUST FOR THIS AFTERNOON, I WILL TAKE US TO MCDONALDS AND BUY US BOTH A HAPPY MEAL SO YOU CAN HAVE TWO TOYS.

JUST FOR THIS EVENING, I WILL HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS AND TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT HOW YOU WERE BORN AND HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.

JUST FOR THIS EVENING, I WILL LET YOU SPLASH IN THE TUB AND NOT GET ANGRY.

JUST FOR THIS EVENING, I WILL LET YOU STAY UP LET WHILE WE SIT AND COUNT STARS ON THE PORCH.

JUST FOR THIS EVENING, I WILL SNUGGLE BESIDE YOUR FOR HOURS AND MISS MY FAVORITE TV SHOWS.

JUST FOR THIS EVENING WHEN I RUN MY FINGER THROUGH YOUR HAIR AS YOU SAY YOUR BEDTIME PRAYERS, I WILL PRAY MYSELF AND BE GRATEFUL THAT GOD HAS GIVEN ME THE GREATEST GIFT EVER GIVEN.

I WILL THINK ABOUT THE MOTHERS AND FATHERS WHO ARE SEARCHING FOR THEIR MISSING CHILDREN, THE MOTHERS AND FATHERS WHO ARE VISITING THEIR CHILDREN'S GRAVES AND THE ONES WHO ARE IN HOSPITAL ROOMS WATCHING THEIR CHILDREN SUFFER SENSELESSLY.

AND WHEN I KISS YOU GOOD NIGHT, I WILL HOLD YOU A LITTLE TIGHTER, A LITTLE LONGER. IT IS THEN, THAT I WILL THANK GOD FOR YOU AND ASK HIM FOR NOTHING, EXCEPT ONE MORE DAY......



Good night ya'll,
MICHELLE

Nikki9398
01-08-2004, 08:53 PM
Wow,
That is so powerful, and really points out that even though I feel like "supermom" I really am avoiding my daughters..

Thanks Michelle.. I am printing this and will read this when I feel sad or weak when I start to w/d

kindaunwell
01-09-2004, 12:23 AM
Hi, John 3:16

Wow! Did you make that up your self, or did you read it somewhere, because the wording got even this "tough- guy" teary and thinking back to when my son was very young. His Mom had custody Of him, living at her Mom's house. But, I had him one day a week and most weekends and arrangements were made for the holidays. She was a party girl and an alcholic (Still is...). I wasn't much better of a person, But I was usually straight 90% of the times I had him! I was into drugs for many years before I met her and he,Jeremy, was born. But some how I managed to stay straight when I had him, and would constantly do the things DaDs are suppose to do with their sons. From changing his diapers to teaching him how to play baseball or basketball(my favorite game). but somewhere along the road,as he got older, I found myself having to excuse myself on some days or weekends from seeing him because I had to work alot of overtime paying child-support, plus putting him through parochial school, and then a top notch catholic high school. I would always supply him with his own cash, clothes, and anything else he needed , because I never trusted his mom with money I intended for his own personal use. Plus I would be deeply into HC Drugs most of the time I wasn't with him...Now he is 22 (A New Years EVE Baby!!!) and heavilly into college, plus working two jobs on campus when not in classes, and occassionly gets weekend gigs at parties, Barmisfas(sp),sweet-16's ect. He does every thing that his company might need >>> DJ, Dancer to get the party moving along,lighting, getting things set up for the band.And he is soo much into his college Major, Theatrics/Playwriter, besides the girls he is always seeing, Now he doesn't have that much time for me. "Cat's in the Cradle" kind of thing.... Although we talk very often by phone and I do try and go to his plays,and he does still come to me for advise on things and life, I still carry a heavy guilt feeling. There were so many more times I should have been with him ,especially when he was younger, but instead I spent the days either working over-time or just wanting to hang -out with my own friends getting high and always going to some kind of party or another.And then when I started dating my wife, even more time was lost between us. Although he will just pop in sometimes, hug me and says he loves me, and just came by to talk and always says "thanks DaD for all you've done for me".
Thats why when you wrote those words today, even though it seemed to be meant for all the Mommies out there, some-how it reached into my private vault where I keep most of my emotions hidden, and really,really touched me !!! They can grow up so fast on you sometimes.......
I better stop here. my guilt and shame is begining to take a hold of me from inside
ME somewhere and deppression is begining to rear its ugly head at me.
You got alot of sensibility and love in your heart,Michelle, please don't ever lose that like I did somewhere along the hard road....
Take Good Care and let me know how you are doing, okay. I'll be up all night again.as this is a no pill night....

(A sadly remenbering) Kinda-unwell........

yinksy
01-09-2004, 04:26 AM
Amen to that Michelle!
But never forget that we can do nothing about the past - but we sure as heck can do something about the now! Asadlyremembering kinda-unwell - let it go - your son will be happy with a "clean" father today! For sure. Many kids are not so lucky. In some ways I think my addiction brought me closer to my children. Every family has problems - every single one - so ours was (is) one of addiction - but we deal with it and in dealing with it we gain greater self knowledge? As do our children. My own kids have great personal insight - they see kids of their own ages taking drugs/alcohol etc and who just cannot see that they are in far too deep. The parents too. One of my kids said to me one evening that all his friends liked coming to our house - because it was a "normal, happy, sober" household unlike other houses where after 9.00 pm the parents were on their 5th gin of the day........... etc etc. A sort of back handed compliment.
We all have great opportunities - we have insight - so seize the day?
Asadlyremembering kinda-unwell - I am so glad to hear you have no pill tonight. And I hope you dont have one tomorrow either! LOL - I am not really a sadist - I just know, from hard experience, that adding a benzo to the situation will prolong your agony and hinder your recovery.
But I do hope you manage to get even just a little sleep!
Y

stayhomemom
01-09-2004, 06:07 AM
Michelle...what a beautiful poem...it definitely brought tears to my eyes...as did kindaunwell's words. I love my children so much that sometimes when I look at them I find I cannot breathe....I just want to look at them with clear eyes and not through a hydro fog. I'm getting there. Everyone on this board is so right...it is a day by day journey. Thanks everyone. shm

lane71501
01-09-2004, 06:54 AM
michelle-
that poem rocks!!!! totally made my morning. when i was drinking, i now realize that i did the bare minimum for my child. life did center around getting my time for me. how incredibly selfish!!!! today, i am trying to live differently. i still reserve time alone but the rest is about my son. to quote ferris bueller: "life moves pretty fast. if you don't stop and look around once in a while you could miss it."
this doesn't mean, i do it perfectly every day. but i strive to catch myself when i am wrong.
have a happy friday!!!
laney

John 808
01-09-2004, 07:52 AM
Hey ya'll,

Let me kinda reiterate what yinsky said it that we all make mistakes as parents, but we can learn from that and better ourselves. It doesn't matter how old your child is....they will always be your child and learn from us as parents. You can't "what if..." or "if I had done it this way..." or take back time. Just make the time you have now...count! Being clean and clear-headed and in-touch with your feelings and your childs (even if their 20) still matters! Didn't mean to make anyone sad...it just kicked in in the "tail" when I read it reminding how quick time does go by and what in the world am I doing in a "pill-haze?" I know so many people say you have to get clean for you and noone else, but I believe we have to do it for our children as well!

No sub today and kinda "blah." Gotta make it though today without any- mama and daddy are taking all three kids tonight so we can actually sleep through the night (or atleast I can try to :) ).

Everyone...best of luck with your individual struggles today and track me down if you need me. I'll check back later,
Michelle

spark-o-cet
01-09-2004, 08:15 AM
mechelle have you got any l-tyrosene also you probably wont feel to bad until tomorrow afternoon but you will still feel it im sure.xnax will quite abit so use it as needed.if you are not goin to use the sub on a taper then do not take anymore of it from here on out,otherwise it is just ganno take longer and longer and make you feel worse and worse.hope you have an easy time gettin clean and keep us upsated if you feel like it.im thinkin about you girlfriend-spark

yinksy
01-09-2004, 09:56 AM
Michelle
Thinking of you kiddo!
Yinksy

Banker
01-09-2004, 11:19 AM
Thank you for sending that. I've seen it before it and just breaks my heart. I 'thought' I was being super mom and always in a good mood and had more patience w/the kids when I was abusing. But in reality, I actually detached myself from my children, friends and family. I can tell everyone is noticing a difference about me now. I mean everyone. They say 'you look so happy now'. They think it's by boyfriend... although he is wonderful, no it's not him. It's because I am loving these minutes, hours, and days w/my friends and family. You're right Michelle. Don't want to scare anybody but I was close to this situation. What if you didn't stop using (you or anyone, including myself) and your husband said 'I don't want my kids growing up w/an addict) and he took you to court? This could be a reality for me at anytime if he ever finds out. He took me to court before (as I've stated when I was still preg w/my daughter) and he could do it again. All they have to do is pull your medical records and pharmacy records, credit card records, etc. NOTHING is sacred when it comes to custody and any privacy laws. He would simply get a supboena and get whatever records he wants. Trust me, I know all about this. Think about this when you think about using. I could not live without my children. Another reason why I'm so happy to be doing so well on the Sub. I'm praying for everyone. Michelle, please keep us posted. I haven't been on the board much... getting ready to move so please pray for me, it's going to be stressful w/money and change. Thanks again for sending that... it's wonderful.

upatnite58
01-09-2004, 03:20 PM
Hey Guys...

yes i know how you all feel, and thankfully i have read that poem many years ago. kids are grown up now..and well adjusted (so far). however, it brought me back to a time that i'd rather not remember. a time when i wasn't at my best for them. kindaunwell said it best with the "cats in the cradle" reference. we must remember that we are not perfect, but we are evolving everyday. kids forget, as well as remember. ask them...mine are 24 and 17 now. they never remember me as being anything but strict. funny, i don't remember myself that way. kids perceptions are different from yours. get clean for yourself, and they will benefit in the process....

rosietee
01-09-2004, 06:27 PM
Upatnite, thank you for the inspiration. I needed it, as I'm currently on a taper.

Rosie