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rhiannon3
01-20-2004, 04:30 PM
ok--day 12 with NO PILLS! i feel a little better everyday but still do not have a whole lot of energy. Work and keeping up housework, etc. is so much harder when not doing pills. I haave wanted to cheat so many times but luckily i have not yet. It just sucks that i feel so lazy and everyone at my work is taking pills and seem so much happier and full of energy. It is hard not to give in. Most people i work with are able to control the pills and are not addicted. They just do them occasionally. I know that tomorrow is going to be hard because it is my long day and everyone will have pills. Anyway my question--if i were to cheat one time what do you think would happen? is it like starting over or do you think i can control it now. I don't know why i am suddenly craving so bad. I guess i just know what a long hard day of work tomorrow is. If anyone has any suggestions for me please.................................. Rhiannon

John 808
01-20-2004, 05:12 PM
Don't cave! If you were to take one or two pills, you would be right back at a dozen in a blink of an eye! And you would be so disappointed with yourself and not to mention having to go through the withdrawals all over again. You have done so very good and I am so proud of you- stay strong and don't give in to temptations!

Try to get some exercise and take B-12 and L-Tyrosine daily. That will help with your energy. In time, also, your energy will slowly but surely come around. Hang in there and remember, the pills are just a quick fix. You are doing something for yourself in a positive and good way for the long run! You have come too far to mess things up now.

Stay strong and pray for strength- you CAN do this- you already are doing this! Keep me posted. Take care,
Michelle

Banker
01-20-2004, 07:15 PM
Once you are an addict and things get out of control, you will never, ever be able to control pain pills again, no matter what. You can't ever touch them again or like Michelle said, you will be downing as many as you can. I've come to the realization that I can't ever take them again. I take Suboxone and I feel great and have absolutely no desire to ever take a pain pill again. However, try to do this on your own as one day I will have to withdraw from the Sub. Are you attending meetings or anything? You can't do this on your own... You've GOT to have a plan for handling cravings.

rhiannon3
01-21-2004, 08:22 PM
Thank you both! God- i somehow survived it. After reading your posts i decided not to cave but i wanted to so bad. I am glad i asked for your thoughts first because i was convincing myself i could handle and control it now. Deep down i know i cannot and that sucks as i love the "great feeling" so much. Don't you hate the thought that you can never do these pills again? (i must be craving bad)! But you were right-i DO NOT want to start back over-that was the worst hell of my life! Today is day 13 and i feel much better. It just sucks that everyone around me at work is doing them and i cannot. So tempting-everyday. I tried quitting many times before but this is the longest i have ever made it without a pill since my addiction so hopefully this is the last time. Anywaay, thank you both VERY MUCH for talking me out of taking a pill again!!

Michelle, i know you are going through similiar things, how are you doing? Wouldn't it be nice if we could just all take a week or so off work and be miserable together? Don't you feel like NOBODY understands at all. The very few people i have told look at me like i am stupid and say it can't be that hard to just quite--just do it! Two guys at work told me to just take a buch of Tylenol and i would be fine!!!Whatever....lol...if only it were that easy.
Rhiannon

rhiannon3
01-21-2004, 08:31 PM
Banker -Thanks for your advice. you are right....i need a plan. I do not attend any meetings but maybe i should. Do you? I sometimes feel like i do not need the meetings because i feel good and swear that i will never take the pills again. And i am doing much better. The cravings come and go. i would be fine if the drugs were not around me EVERYDAY. But i have not caved and keep promising myself i will not. It is weird how you feel great one minute and bad the next. WHen withdrawing it just comes and goes. But today was good The vitamins really seem to be helping. No more shakes really, much more energy off and on, sleeping better, not as depressed. Hopefully the cravings will leave soon though. I just hate not having that "Great energy" and feeling like you can do anything! That is what makes me want to cave. I knew yesturday would be a VERY long day at work and i had a million things to do and knew that if i had a pill it would be SO EASY to do everything. oh well, i survived it. Thanks.................................. ..........................Rhiannon

John 808
01-21-2004, 08:44 PM
Rhianna,

I am so PROUD of you for not caving! I know exactly how you feel- so many things to do and your so tired and you know you could pop a couple of pills and BAM...SUPERWOMAN! But just think, it only lasts for a few minutes and then you have to take a few more, then a few more and then they don't give you the initial feeling and your killing your liver...I've been there, believe me!

You are doing so good- keep it up. Thing will surely get a little better every day- granted, you will have bad days, but that's life! We all do- even people that aren't addicts...maybe you could start an exercise routine/program. That is what I have done- hopefully it will help! Right now, it is just reminding me what terrible shape I am in! :)

What do you do that everyone around you is taking pills? Just curious...
Continue to fight the good fight. I know you can beat this and it will be so much better in the long run! (Or so they say :) ) It will!

Take care and God bless,
Michelle

rhiannon3
01-21-2004, 09:00 PM
michelle-thank you-i am proud of myself to. At least i will be if i can stick with it. i have been thinking about working out again actually. i remember how much more energy it gave me (before i ever started doing drugs) and am hoping it still will. i actually have a membership to a gym but rarely use it. But i think i am starting to feel good enough to try. Isn't it crazy how long it takes to feel right? My eyes still are not normal looking. Unless they have changed colors from four years ago! Before i did drugs they were DARK blue--since drugs they have been a glassy, light gray. Oh well hopefully i will be half normal soon.

Does anyone know approx. how long it takes to feel 100% again?

oh michelle-i work in a resturaunt. My friends and i started taking pills our last two years of college because we were in school all day and had to work all night. And as you know with the pills you can do anything! We had to go nights without sleep on many occasions to get our homework done. Before i knew i was hooked. And a lot of people at my work take the same pills. As soon as i feel better i am going to fix up my resume and try to find new job so i can get away from it all. Hopefully soon, but right now i just do not look good enough to interview. Also i am trying not to stress myself out over anything because that is when i want a pill the most. But each day gets better so hopefully soon! How are you doing? You seem to be feeling a little better. :wave:
Rhiannon

John 808
01-21-2004, 09:12 PM
Good for you (about getting a new job and getting out of there)! Eventually, you may end up caving just being around it 24/7!

I am doing okay- takin my subutex about every 4-5 days. By the third or fourth day, I am feeling SSSOOO tired and just don't want do to ANYTHING! I am hoping to be off completely in a couple of months. The nurse I talked to said not to push it- I am just stubborn and when I want to do something, I just do it regardless.

Well, I can barely keep my eyes open- had to get up at the break of dawn to take my five year old to the dentist and get four teeth pulled. YIKES! That reminds me, I need to go do the "tooth-fairty" thing before I forget. Let me go do that and I will talk to you later.

You stay strong and be proud of yourself....you deserve to be! Hang in there,
Michelle

yinksy
01-22-2004, 12:45 AM
michelle-thank you-i am proud of myself to. At least i will be if i can stick with it. i have been thinking about working out again actually. i remember how much more energy it gave me (before i ever started doing drugs) and am hoping it still will. i actually have a membership to a gym but rarely use it. But i think i am starting to feel good enough to try. Isn't it crazy how long it takes to feel right? My eyes still are not normal looking. Unless they have changed colors from four years ago! Before i did drugs they were DARK blue--since drugs they have been a glassy, light gray. Oh well hopefully i will be half normal soon.

Does anyone know approx. how long it takes to feel 100% again?

oh michelle-i work in a resturaunt. My friends and i started taking pills our last two years of college because we were in school all day and had to work all night. And as you know with the pills you can do anything! We had to go nights without sleep on many occasions to get our homework done. Before i knew i was hooked. And a lot of people at my work take the same pills. As soon as i feel better i am going to fix up my resume and try to find new job so i can get away from it all. Hopefully soon, but right now i just do not look good enough to interview. Also i am trying not to stress myself out over anything because that is when i want a pill the most. But each day gets better so hopefully soon! How are you doing? You seem to be feeling a little better. :wave:
Rhiannon
Rhiannon

Just a word of encouragement. You will start to feel better and better on a daily basis - always going forward - so dont worry. Probably take a few months to be 100% again - but just start doing all those normal things again - including working out - and suddenly you will be back to your old self without noticing! You will have enormous energy and finally realise that the pills deprived you of that very energy which they tricked you into thinking they were giving you!

Y

rhiannon3
01-22-2004, 05:58 PM
Rhiannon

Just a word of encouragement. You will start to feel better and better on a daily basis - always going forward - so dont worry. Probably take a few months to be 100% again - but just start doing all those normal things again - including working out - and suddenly you will be back to your old self without noticing! You will have enormous energy and finally realise that the pills deprived you of that very energy which they tricked you into thinking they were giving you!

Y
Thank you for teh encouragement! Wow--a FEW MONTHES??? God, that sounds like forever. I had hoped a few days--lol. I never imagined it could take this long. oh well, i guess as long as i get only better, not worse. I can't wait til i get back to my only self--actually i forget how that is it has been so long. But this is day 14 and i am getting a little better each day. I just miss that good buzz. Thanks.................................. .........Rhiannon

bobby56
01-26-2004, 09:54 AM
Hi, been reading the posts, and want to say keep it going, we all need support. What I wanted to post was, I am about to go thru w/d of of 10 ultram/day, if not more, 1-2 at a time. I dont have a doctor that I can consult for the Rx's for the shakes, etc. what can u recommend? I have gone thru this once or twice b4 and always go back :mad: :( . I am really wanting to stop now as it is affecting my sex life - can't keep it up - :( . Please any suggestions would be greatfully appreciated.

rosietee
01-26-2004, 10:23 AM
. . .
oh michelle-i work in a resturaunt. My friends and i started taking pills our last two years of college because we were in school all day and had to work all night. And as you know with the pills you can do anything! We had to go nights without sleep on many occasions to get our homework done. Before i knew i was hooked. And a lot of people at my work take the same pills. As soon as i feel better i am going to fix up my resume and try to find new job so i can get away from it all. Hopefully soon, but right now i just do not look good enough to interview. Also i am trying not to stress myself out over anything because that is when i want a pill the most. But each day gets better so hopefully soon! How are you doing? You seem to be feeling a little better. :wave:
Rhiannon

Rhiannon, I just was catching up and read your post. I used to do the restaurant thing too during the summers and on breaks when I was in college, and there was such a drug culture there (it was also the '80's) and we did alot of coke. We had a whole lot of fun, but coming down from it was so hard!! And you would have that pocket full of cash at the end of every night, making it so easy, and so many parties where people were handing rocks of it out. I was also into running and fitness, though. The good thing about the restaurant business is you can move anywhere and get a job, rent a room and make your rent money in a weekend and spend your days finding a "real" job, which is how I made it to NYC and the west coast. I worked for what was a very popular bar and restaurant at the time in Newport Beach when I moved out here (waited on lots of celebrities), and although I am sure there were tons of drugs in that restaurant, I had vowed to stay away from coke (decided I would not date anyone who did drugs or be roomates with anyone who did drugs). My image was so squeaky clean, that no one ever dared even tell me they were doing drugs, much less offer them to me! I never heard one peep about them. If I got off work early (say midnight), I would go to the gym and I was running marathons. I was working there and helping to run an investment firm during the day before I went to graduate school.

The point is (yes there is one!) that if you change environments with a fresh attitude and outlook, it can change your life. If you stay around the same people that you do drugs with it is oh so hard to stop. Of course, my pill thing is of a whole different ilk--my own little dirty secret. But I agree with Michelle that changing environments will do you a world of good, even if you pick up another restaurant job. At least for me, personally, it would be hard for me to change and be in the same environment.

Just wanted to send you this little note from my own experience. Hang in there, you are doing great!

rosie