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John 808
01-30-2004, 12:47 PM
Wish me luck ya'll...I am going to get in the shower (yippee) and get my four and one year old out of there PJ's (being that it is 3:00 in the afternoon)! Luckily, my five year old is not too dirty from kindergarten to go as she is! And....we are going to Walmart! I may come back crying more than I already am but I am going insane! Gotta get out of this house and quit thinking about these stupid pills and maybe, just maybe, my one year old will STOP CRYING...PLEASE! Say a prayer for me...seriously! :)

Michelle

Banker
01-30-2004, 03:59 PM
I've been there with the kids. I know I can work to get out of the house but sometimes, it seems impossible to work full time, take care of kids, clean, etc. We moms can be pretty amazing, especially when you throw a big fat addiction on top of it all. What is your plan, Michelle? Are you still doing the sub every 4 -5 days? Are you attending meetings? You mentioned a weekly meeting at the church? Can you go to that? Let me know how you are going to fight this addiction. We all have to have a plan to handle the cravings.

John 808
01-30-2004, 04:52 PM
Hey Banker,

Actually made it to Walmart in peace and even went to the church gym and walked a mile and did the stair master a few minutes- feel so much better!

Banker, off of the sub for six days now. I did take some pain meds Tuesday, because I had two teeth repaired for exposed nerves. Felt yucky the rest of the week I am sure due to that because ofcourse I took way more than I was supposed to and then flushed the rest!

Haven't been to any meetings...to be honest...I am embarrassed! I just am! I think a could do the church meeting...just haven't checked into it! So tired at the end of the day- ya know?

Hope things are continuing to go well for you. Are you settled in yet? And how are you feeling as of lately about telling your man? Talk to me if you need to. Take care,
Michelle

over
01-30-2004, 04:59 PM
Can you guys tell me where to even start looking for a meeting to attend. Would it be NA or AA. I don't drink any alcohol and only was consuming lortabs.

Do I have to make an appointment prior or do I just show up?

scary.

Thank you.

John 808
01-30-2004, 05:01 PM
I don't anything as I have been too scared to do it myself...what about just looking in the phone book?

Or call a local rehab and see if they can give you some info!

Good luck,
Michelle

yinksy
01-31-2004, 04:59 AM
Over
NA is more appropriate for you I think. Look in the phone book. You can phone and ask someone to call and see you before you ever attend. I phoned AA and someone arrived at my house - spoke to me for a long time - just told me what they had gone thro - and left me to think about things. After only a day - I phoned them back and they took me to my first meeting. You are right - its a difficult thing to do on your own - to go thro those doors for the first time - so why not phone and ask someone to come and talk to you first? Then you can be accompanied by someone familiar to your first meeting! Once you have been - you will wonder why you ever hesitated. You will be amongst friends and you will be well looked after. Its a wonderfull fellowship. You will never regret it.
There are others in here who attend meetings and perhaps they will respond here.
Good luck
Y

Banker
01-31-2004, 09:38 PM
Michelle - sorry about the tooth thing. I worry about what will happen when I have to do things like that as I have horrible teeth but hopefully... advil will work. I guess it will have to. Anyway, yes, I'm settled in and me and the kids are so happy. The house we were in needed so much work... new carpets, leaky sink, new gutters... I could go on and on. It is just so nice to be in these nice apartments. They really are VERY nice and in one of the top 3 parts of town. It's just so nice to be in a clean apartment where things are organized and out of that house that had so many horrible memories. I promise, we all have never been happier. I thank God every single day for saving me and my children. Anyway, I saw where you are taking the sub less and less... that's great. I know how you feel about the meetings... I think if I ever want to get off of Sub, the meetings would be the only thing that could keep me sober but I would be scared. Just remember, they always say we can't do this by ourselves.. we are powerless over this illness... which means you need help and support. At least, go to a counselor that specializes in addiction? Do you think that would be possible? I go see a counselor every week and she's wonderful. Anyway, going to bed now since i will be up at the crack of dawn with the baby. Take care and have a great day tomorrow. Oh - haven't told my boyfriend... I don't see me ever telling him. I know he would be history and I couldn't stand to lose him. I really do love him with all of my heart. But I hate to lie to him as well. It's hard.

rosietee
01-31-2004, 09:59 PM
Banker, I am so happy that you are happy in the apartment. I had been thinking about you. I think that if you and your boyfriend consider becoming engaged or married, that you should tell him then. I think it would help you as well. It is the truth and if he can't handle the fact that you are an addict, then it is better to find out now than later, I think.

rosie

John 808
02-01-2004, 03:42 AM
Hey Banker,

I am REALLY, REALLY happy for you! From the bottom of my heart! You deserve some happy time...definalety!

I applaud you in seeing someone weekly and encouraging meetings. I am just plain ole chicken! Plus, I am worried about if I see someone I know. I don't mean to be "vain," but noone knows and I would like to keep in that way! Is that crazy? I know I need to talk to someone. I did finally tell my best friend two weeks ago...her husband is an alcoholic and actually, she came to me because he had "fallen off the wagon" after five years and didn't know what to do/feel??? So, I shared with her my situation and the "addicts" side. It helped her and I alot!

Anyway, got start rolling for church. Just wanted you to know, there was noone on this board more happy for you!
Michelle :)

Banker
02-01-2004, 06:06 AM
Thank you to you both. I really appreciate it. You're right Michelle, I've decided I DO deserve some happiness after all of this nightmare so I'm just thanking God that I have it and praying it stays... if it's his will.

Anyway, about the meetings - I know how you feel. Imagine having to hide this from not one but TWO ex husbands because one of them already fought me tooth and nail for my baby girl so if he ever found out... I'd be back in court and probably would lose her since he's a rich attorney and I'm an addict. Even my counselor didn't even want me going to the doctor since it would be on my medical records and he can get those if he takes me back to court. I'm just praying that he doesn't. He spent about 30K taking me last time and we ended up settling w/me being primary care giver and him having visitation and joint custody. She goes to see him a little more than the standard visitation but not much. Maybe a day extra every two weeks. Anyway, I'm terrified I would see a friend of his at a meeting and it would be all over so I know exactly how you feel. But a counselor, I think you can do. Nobody would ever know what you were going for and it's pretty private the way they handle it. They schedule appts so that nobody is ever in the waiting room at the same time and then there is a different exit so you don't have to see who's waiting for the next appointment. Without my counselor... Oh, I just can't imagine. We've developed a wonderful relationship as well. Just think about it... also, they have meetings online too. I've attended some but I don't think they are the same as going. When I was a teenager, I went to alanon because of my mother and it helped some but I was the youngest one in there. It was weird going in at first... VERY weird. Anyway, I thought I got up early but you REALLY get up early! 5:30? Goodness, get some sleep! Does it take you that long to get everyone ready for church? You guys should consider going to the 11:00. I'm assuming you go to the early service? That's just so early... Anyway, I hope you have a great day at church... And as far as telling my boyfriend.... it terrifies me. I know I will have to one day, it's just so frightening. He already has to deal w/two ex husbands and three children that aren't his... He knows that I 'used to' take lortabs sometimes but I told him that I was 'enjoying them too much' and wasn't going to take anymore. He also has been questioning me as to why I'm not drinking... not even ONE drink. I told him that I was doing so well on my anti depressant (which is really Sub) and that weren't supposed to drink while on it... he said o.k. I don't think he will be surprised but then again. Just scared... he's the only normal thing I have ever had in my life and I need him.