View Full Version : Needing Help Please!!!! Having a breakdown!

11-06-2004, 10:43 PM
Today has been tough, I am in the process of a force withdrawl. It couldn't have come at a worse time. I am withdrawling and buying my first house. On a scale of one to ten, my anxitiy (sp?sorry) is about a 20 now. This all may be more than you are interested in but I am needing someone to vent to. I have tried talking to the boyfriend, that doesn't understand because he is in denial of having a pill addiction and the main problem, and I have tired talking to my mother, which acts like she doesn't know that I have a problem but trys to motivate me to the umtenth degree. We are not close but bonding to a suprising level right now. I can't get others here to understand what I am feeling. I hope you don't mind me using this thread to vent. Maybe Twins and all others can come to the rescue with some wise advice to help me find a way to cope.
Here is some back ground~ I am 30 years old, single, no kids, professional paralegal, addict to any pain pills since Nov. of 2002, boyfriend of 4 years who introduced and continues to help support my pill habit, boyfriend that my family and friends dislike because he has brought me down to a level that I never dreamed I would be at, just bought my first house, moving next week, waiting for the script in order to have the energy to move. True back problems, and now stomach problem that require the pain pills but has lead to the addiction because I have no self control. I just got out of spending 10 days in the hospital for gastro testing and major problems, getting 80 mg of demoral every hour IV and 2 mg of Diulitin (?) every two hours, ( this has just made my addiction raging). They sent me home on the Demorol pills and diulitin combo every two hours, pills form, of course those are all gone and now in major pain. They have found an uncler half the size of the opening between my new little stomach and my new intestines, moreless half the size of my stomach, and Irritable Bowel Syndrom. This is all multiplied by 10 due to having gastric bypass 2 years ago and having the stomach that size of an egg. So it is all more serious due to that. Ok, enough back ground I think.
I am at the cross roads of needing to get my life back in order and up to the standard of living that I was raised with. This is where the support of my mother become so important. She is that one that has come to rally behind me to help me begin making the right choices in my life instead of just drifting like I have been doing. It seems like such a impossible feat to start making the changes that are needed. It is like I don't have the energy anymore to that the hard road. To get my pill usage under control, to gain control of all areas of my life, as everyone knows addiction affects.
My questions~ Hoe do I do this? How do I get the energy, without the pills, to pick myself up and begin again? How do you tell someone that you love that they are bad for you and you need to part after 4 years? How do you find the self respect that is eatten away from the addiction? My life seems to revolve around my addictions. All I can think about these days is the guilt of the addiction. Knowing I am not living my live as I should and as expected. The guilt of breaking the law of getting different scripts filled by different doctors, but the law isn't involved, yet, and that is a big YET! I am scared. I want to make everything right in my life but don't even know where to start. Or maybe I know but don't have the strength to do the right thing (ending the relationship, foremost)!
I have ranted and raved. Please know anyone that responsed to this post, I am sincerly from the bottom of my heart thankful. Thank you ahead of time.

11-07-2004, 04:33 AM
Just by posting your disire you have take a HUGE step in the process.

T Ruth
11-07-2004, 09:10 AM
lortabbuzzer Hi...
Don't know if I am allowed to give out other sites, but there is a site called sobberrecovery.com where you can post 24/7 and has NA. I find it a bit difficult to get to what I want on their site, but a bit of patience will get you there.
Just a suggestion. You have some big problems, I sooo feel for you.
Have you tried attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings?? Face to face meetings are a big help. many others have had prob with pills etc. lots of understanding and help.
Best Always T Ruth

11-07-2004, 09:34 AM
My g/f went on methadone for her pill addiction. I stopped myself. I have taken them hear and there since she has been on the methadone appx a month and a half. My problem is my depression. She is worried about it. So we have talked extensivly about what I should do about it. Stopping the pills completely is what causes the depression. I was on them a year. She had legitimate pain, most the time. Other times we were just playing around. Regardless it got out of control. So I can quit the pills w/d's wise. I've proved that enough. But getting out of the funk...I dont know. I have alot to do. Lucky, you have your mom as a support system. But if your b/f isnt going to be there for you, or recognize the problem...its going to be hard. I don't think you can stay together if you dont get off it together. Because addiction is hard enough. My g/f is on methadone, but if she knows I took pills she wants to even though she can't feel them. So imagine you getting off and him taking pills, you will want to...if it were me i would break down. You have some hard decisions to make, good luck.