View Full Version : A Cry For Help

11-08-2004, 08:48 PM
Hi everybody,Its kelley I have thankfully been off viks for three weeks however I am feeling so incredablly depressed though.Theese pills have seriously ruined my life,my family hates me they wont even speak to me and that alone is killing me.I also am so financially unstable right now, about to loose everything I have worked so hard for.
Anyways I am just so scared now and I am hoping to get some support here, I love this board and read peoples posts daily.Please if anybody can help me through this im so scared I am gonna start using pills again and I can not have that happen.Sarah if you read this can you offer me any advise you have learned in rerhab?Also anybody else thanks guys you are the best!
Love,Kel :wave:

11-09-2004, 07:39 AM
Well, the only thing I can say is what I learned in my own rehab & I use/d it as a mantra when I'm having problems staying clean.... I could go back to using, but what will it solve? It won't pay your bills, fix your family problems or get me any more money.

I also would make myself "wait". Just get thru the next 2 hours(or 30 minutes, or whatever time increment you can deal with) I would tell myself...usually by the time the 2 hours are done it's not so bad....

I made myself a "busy" box for the scared, worried, waiting or feigning times. I put lots of things to do in it that I like...drawing materials, crosswords, some worry stones, worry people, silly putty(I like kneading it when I'm stressed)...a couple candy bars & I always keep a new book there.

Just a few ideas, hopefully someone else has more for you. Good luck & stay strong.


11-09-2004, 11:55 AM
Thank you so much Azarae for your response I can not tell you how much it helps just knowing I have support here.You are so right it is not worth startng pills again.I took your advise and put together a little package to keep my mind focused when I get scared, such as a good book, and I love to draw so I started that up again.I am going to make it through this ,three weeks is far too long to give up, I choose to be a survivor and I am going to get my life back on track, life is far too short to waste with an addiction.I just hope some day my family will forgive me.Lots of love,Kel

11-09-2004, 12:23 PM
Hi Kel,

Just tossing in one more thing to think of when it gets bad...if you started taking the pills again, do you really want to go thru the last 3 weeks(or more) all over again when you quit?

I learned that one when I stopped smoking cigarettes...it all gets slowly better over time & when you look back at the worst part, the thought of going thru the first few days of withdrawl AGAIN just to get a little relief from start up with(pills, smokes, etc..) kind of helps put a different perspective on it too...

I think if you stay clean & get your life straightened out for a longer period of time your family will come around. It's hard being "close" to an addict & watching them destroy themselves...before I was one I distanced myself from my alcoholic brother & to this day we aren't close because he is always drunk & he isn't the brother I know/knew when he is inebriated.

<<hugs>> Go get a little bouquet of flowers or do something to "reward" yourself for every day you are clean...even if it's a nice long bubble bath or maybe a new book, pretty "fluff" things are nice too...you deserve it!

Flowers help make the ugly go away ;)


11-10-2004, 10:30 AM
Thanks again Azarae, you are right I do not want go through theese three weeks again.I know my family is definately sick of watching me destroy my life,maybe the longer they see me clean they will come aroud.Its just so hard right now my only brother is getting married in just ten days.I love flowers too,pink roses are my fav I think I deserve those! Anyways I hope you are having a happy wednesday!Talk to ya soon,luv,kel

11-10-2004, 07:27 PM
Hey everybody its Kel again I am just hoping to recieve some more support so if anyone who reads this can please offer me any words I would love to continue to chat.Being on this board will help me stay clean so I am hoping for a couple of "buddies" so we can help eachother through this battle of addiction! I would love to offer my support aswell.It has been a little over three weeks for me since I quite my 5 vikes a day (10 mgs each) habbit.Each day is such a battle for me but I am fighting it with all my strength.Oh well im off to do the dishes "Yuck" lol, please anyone feel free to respond I would love to hear from you! Take care,Kel

Mary X
11-10-2004, 07:34 PM
Hi Kelley,
Your message has helped me, as well as the responses. I've been smoking pot since I was 18, and now at 53, I've stopped. It's only been 2 days, but I'm going to succeed this time. Lucky for me, I have no choice, I was laid off from a dying industry, and now at my age, I have to look for a job and take a drug test I'm sure. Plus, I don't have the money to spend anymore.

I've been playing with polymer clay as my "busy" work. Kind of like the silly putty thing, it keeps your hands busy. Drawing would work the same way I think. Maybe you can draw things for the family, keep yourself busy and make some Christmas presents or something.

How are you going to handle it at the wedding? I suppose your family will be there. 10 more days on top of the 3 weeks you have already endured, that will take you up to over a month. Won't that be great? Even if only you know, that's enough.

Good luck Kelley, and let us know how the wedding goes. Keep up the hard work, you are worth it.


11-10-2004, 09:56 PM
Mary thank you so much for your warm response! I used to smoke pot too, its pretty tough to quit but I know you can do it!I think the worst thing about quiting pot is the insomnia thing, I tried taking an over the counter sleeping aid and that really helped me.I love playing with clay too and drawing im a very artsy girl,hehe.Thats a great idea I paint beautiful water color paintings(I went to art school when I was younger)so I think ill try painting something for my fam.Yes the wedding is going to be a challenge,my mom,dad.step-dad,and step-mom are not talking to me.However I must do this for my bro.Anyways hope you are having a good night!Please feel free to check in we can help eachother through this!Lots of love,Kel.(p.s. just remember take it one day at a time!)

Mary X
11-11-2004, 03:09 AM
Good Morning Kel,
Insomnia, yup, here I am, up at 3am. Lucky for me, being unemployed, I can catch a nap when I need one. I'm feeling good on my progress. Most folk don't smoke as much as I have lately, so for me, 3 days is huge. I lost my job in July and have stayed high most of the time since then. I needed the time to get over that shock, of being told there are not enough boxes on the organizational chart. Nice way to lay off someone with 27 yrs!

Anyway, you sound great this morning, I'm so hopeful for you. I love your idea of watercolors, what kind of subjects do you like? landscapes, flowers?
I tried to make a rose last night with the clay, and it turned out pretty good for a first attempt. I too am thinking of what I can make for the holiday this year, my friends will like something home made just as much as some present I could buy.
You hang in there today kiddo, and I'll be checking this site. I hope we can help each other. You are a great support person, and it makes me feel good to talk to you.
Have a good drug free day! :wave:


11-11-2004, 10:23 AM
Good morning or I should say afternoon Mary! I didnt fall asleep until 3:30 a.m.,yuck, so I didnt wake up until 12:30 in the afternoon,I too am unemployed and it bites as you know.Wow 27 yrs, you think that would count for something,oh well you will find a better job, I promise! Yes I painte flowes and still lifes anything abstract.I need to get back into the groove of it though.Anyways I am so proud of you three days is such success!You are a winner my friend!!You should buy yourself a little reward, you deseve it.Today I am going to get my dress altered for my bros wedding,yes very last minute of me,lol.I am still sooo nervouse to see the rest of my family I feel like such a looser, but I am 25 yrs old and I have my own appartment and car and I pay my bills,so they should atleast be proud of that.My mother has always expected so much more out of me,shes never happy with me, she says im so smart and pretty if I could only do this and that. She doesnt get its my life.Oh well im ramballing,sorry, anyways please check in I love chatting with you.We can help eachother!Lots of love, Kelley.

Mary X
11-11-2004, 04:25 PM
Hi Kelley,
Made it through another day, how about you? I did stop and get some craft stuff, I thought of a great gift for a friend turning 40. I'm going to make her a pretty trinket box, with some flowers on it, and on the inside of the lid I'm going to make a hill, with her on the top about ready to go over the hill. haha, she'll expect nothing less.
Sorry to hear your unemployed too, things are pretty weird in the job market these days. 27 yrs is half my life, and a very long time, but the phone industry is really hurting these days, and I'm thinking at least I have 10 more years or so to work, so it could be worse. I have to admit I'm not familiar with your drug of choice, do they test for that too? Each time my brain tried to rationalize why I don't have to stop smoking, I came up to that testing issue and I just don't have much choice. As long as I've smoked, I'm thinking it will be 2 months to get clean, then I'll go looking for a job. I'm still on unemployment and I got a very nice severence package. You can buy test kits now in the drug store, so I'm going to do that to test myself. My last job paid very well, but was high stress, so I'm hoping to find something decent at a lower wage with no stress. :eek:
At 25, it sounds to me that you are doing very well for yourself. I have friends who have kids that can't even leave the house at that age. Would it be funny at the wedding to scare the folks and tell them you're moving back? My Dad once told me that until someone is willing to pay your bills, they don't have the right to tell you what to do. When I got divorced at 38, Dad wanted me to move to LA and live with him, Mom died many years ago. Not even something I'd consider, I don't like LA. When he kept bugging me, I said "I'm going to send my bills to you for you to pay". It was quiet for a minute, then he started laughing. Now, 15 yrs later, he moved out of LA, and came to Kansas and lives near me now. Funny how life is, isn't it?

Have a good evening. You are helping me more than you know, and I'm so happy to have you to talk to. Sometimes we can't do stuff for ourselves as easily as we can for someone else. Funny as this seems to say, it crossed my mind that I can't give up now, what would Kelley say? Is there a way for us to ramble on and not post to the site for everyone to read? I just found this site this week.

Talk to you tomorrow.

Mary X
11-11-2004, 08:11 PM
Hi Kelley,
I was just reading the rules and how to use this site, and I didn't see any other way of posting notes. I did see that no contact other than this site is allowed, so forget my last question.

Have a good night.

11-11-2004, 09:35 PM
Hi Mary how are you hun?I just got home from doing my friends hair,fun,fun,lol.I have been a hairstylist for the past six years and I specailize in color,I truly love it,but wow what a late night, I just got in and its 12:30 a.m. here in Boston.That sounds like such a great idea for your friens birthday,I love trinket boxes!I love the over the hill idea,lol,thats so cute!Dont stress about the job im sure you will find something quisk,I am looking myself,luckily up east there are lots of jobs.Im so proud of you four days right?Congrats!!!Anyways I will check in later,talk to ya soon,lots of love,your pal,Kel.

11-12-2004, 06:08 PM
Hi Mary and Azarae,and eveybody else!How is everybody this fine friday night?I am still drug free three and a half weeks.Yipee!!!Anyways I am feeling lonely and depressed,I hate how the pills make you feel that way after you quite.I would love to talk to people on this board for support,I noticed so many people read my posts but hardly anyone responds.Please if anyone has any advise or support I would really appreciate it,I cant do this alone.Oh well I will check in later.Take care everyone,all my love,Kelley.

Mary X
11-12-2004, 06:23 PM
Hey Kelley,
Glad to hear you made it through another day. Me too. I don't know what was or is wrong with me today, I'm kind of down and negative. I've been exposed to a cold, so maybe I'm catching it, I tried to stay away from my husband! :)
But, I am just suffering through the kind of bad mood and not doing anything about it except to complain to the TV.
Boston, cool town. My great grandmother migrated from Ireland to Nova Scotia, and then went to Boston as a servant girl. Probably early 1900's or so. Sometimes when I think life is tough, I think of her and what her life probably was like. My grandmother had such a strong Bostonian accent, I can still hear it when ever I talk to someone from your area, and I love to hear it.
I've been trying to think of what town, maybe Wooster? I'll think of it sooner or later.
So, you're into coloring hair? Why won't it cover my gray hair? Whatis the best product I can buy to do that, do you know? I'm kind of blonde so I color it and it blends in OK, but it seems to fall off the gray hair pretty fast. Any advice?

You stay strong, is the wedding next weekend? Make sure you take your survival kit with you that Azarae talked about. You walk into that wedding with your head held high, and be proud of the big accomplishment you are in the middle of. I bet half of them would fall in a pile crying if they had to go through what you have gone through to kick this addiction. You will be stronger when you get passed this, and you should be very proud of yourself!

I'll talk to you over the weekend, have a good night.


11-21-2004, 02:20 PM
You have to realize that things are going to take work to get back in order. They did not get messed up over night and they won't be fixed over night. You will be fine IF you stay off drugs. If you get back on them they will only get worse. I promise that if you just hang in there and just concentrate on yourself and learning to live better you will see positive results. It took my parents over two years to finally come around and even treat me like a human being. It hurt me but I just said screw it and kept moving foward. I figured one day they would follow and they did. Be patient. When things seem bad you just have to do your best to take actions to make them better. You are not making enough money at work then you look for another one. You owe money then you start paying it off when you feel you can. More than anything at some point you will forgive yourself and realize that you can do better and deserve better and guess what the rest will follow.

11-21-2004, 06:29 PM
Thanks Jessy for the reply, you are right as they say" Time Heals All". I am trying hard to get my life back in order and just trying to be more happy.It is really hard but worth it I am sooo sick now I caught a bad case of bronchitis(sp?) plus I have asthema so I was rushed to the E.R. this morning my oxygen level was around 80 so I am on all sorts of nebs and inhalers plus a strong cough med to stop the barking.Lol.Well anyways thanks again for lifting my spirits its been around a month since I stopped using tons of pills.Thank God I stopped.Take Care,Kelley.

11-21-2004, 07:45 PM
I hope you feel better. No one likes getting sick. Keep your head up and do it for you and only you and the rest will fall right into place. Do it because you deserve it girl.